If it helps, I was a nightmare step and was actually kicked out around 15 by my stepdad. Some reasonable things, I was an addict, but personally, I wouldn't kick a child out no matter what. That's more on my mom than him. Anyways, I reached out more as an adult because I got sober and turned my life around. So sometimes, nightmare stepkids DO improve as they get older lol. 

We (DH and I) cut off contact with his daughter shortly after her 18th birthday, when she lied about being kicked out of our home. She'd lived with us for 13 years and was a mentally ill teen diagnosed with bipolar officially at 18.  We told her at 18 that if she wanted to continue living in our home, she must take prescribed meds and continue therapy.  

DH reached out to her last year.  He has contact with her.  I remain out of the picture as much as possible.  She seems to have grown up a bit, but she is still unmedicated and has major life problems due to it.

DH also has a son from another wife who is now 27.  DH had very little contact with him during his teenage years.  He lived with us for 6 hellish months while his precious drug addled mother was in rehab.  He reached out to us after coming out as gay.  He expected us to provide room, board and a vehicle for himself and his boyfriend.  When he was rebuffed with our saying he could visit, but not move in, he lashed out saying we were bigoted toward gays.  DH and I have 2 teen sons, our eldest is 16 and bisexual.

My DH didn't hear from SS19 from ages 15-18. He wasn't a delinquent, but a Mama's Boy who finally caved to BM's pressure to cut his father out of his life. He reappeared about 7 months ago at 18.5 and has been in and out since then. I'm pretty sure that BM "let" him contact DH again because of child support matters (goes to 21 here, yes, it's awful) and her fear that DH could get CS stopped due to alienation.

My SS is not a bad kid, per se, but he's a total puppet for BM and believes every word she says.  He lies, manipulates and plays games with DH like she did and does.  I've opted to have nothing to do with him just via avoidance - he likes me and has never mistreated me in any way.  DH sees him once every couple of months or so.  DH is happy to have him back in his life, though he's not a fool and he sees just who his son is - he doesn't chase him or try to buy his love.

My SD stopped visitation when she was 15/16 but she and DH kept in touch by phone. She is now 27 and not much has changed.

DH refuses to put up with her BS. Her false "memories" about the past, her lies and her tries at manipulation (she is horrible at both), and her attitude towards him (that he OWES her something).

Of course, he wishes things were different but he's not stupid and he will not chase her, nor will he let her treat him like her mother did.

My SD is a co-dependent and still heavily influenced by her BM.

Past behaviour is a good predictor of future conduct... My exSD  as an older teenager never had much time for her Dad - not unless she needed something. Whether money or for my xH to do something for her, then SD knew xH's phone number and where we lived...

She is 22 now. And yes, she needed Dadddeeee to find a place for her to live when she was pregnant and evicted from her BF's mother's house.....  She knew to call xH everytime she ended up in the nick. Her one free call from the police station was always to Daddddeeee... When she needed money, she knew Dadddeeee was her ATM....

Same pattern and I am tired of seeing it. It doesn't change when your spouse is a stupid, guilty Daddy and allows his children to walk all over him. .These men remind me of prawns... Spineless, gutless and a head full of rubbish!

Toxic Feral Eldest, when she turned 18, and graduated - she simply stopped living with us. If you read my blogs, her time with us was awful. But we never kicked her out, although she likes to make up stories that we did. She ghosted us for a blissful 1.5 years, with an occasional text to DH, and a photo here and there. DH invited her out to dinner and she was always too busy. Wanted nothing to do with us, except when I helped with her taxes and got her a bunch of money back. Then a few months ago, the truth about how she felt for us came out. She accused DH of abusing her (never happened) accused me of being a drunk (hey Im sober writing this!) that yelled at her through her bedroom door (egads!) and said that her father always chose me over her, the almighty daughter. When he stood up for me during her unbelievably disrespectful rants.

So, just recently she texted that she needed money, because her mother, Toxic Troll was "bleeding her dry and they were going to be kicked out of their nasty little cock-roach infested apartment." he said he didnt have it and that he had just paid almost $700 to Toxic Troll.

Then, just a few weeks ago, she was having an argument with Toxic Troll because of a mess left from dying her hair, and suddenly toxic troll has ruined her life. She asked to move in with us. Attacked DH and texted him mean things about me. He said "no, you only text me when you want something from me, what about birthdays and fathers day? Besides, if we are so horrible, why do you want to live here anyway? Its not going to be any different?" No more texts!

Recently, her mother cashed out of her teachers retirement account and gave her money. Its been VERY QUIET. I will not ever have that pig living in my space EVER again She is not family to me, and never will be. 

So, the short version is that sometimes yes and sometimes no.

His mom and I have always been close with my former SS-26.  He asked me to adopt him when was .  We made that happen.  is mom and I met when he was 15mos old when we met and was a week short of 2yo when we married.

As he has progressed into his adult life he does not stay in contact as much though we still see and talk with him fairly regulary.  His mom and I would prefer more contact, but... it works for him as it currently is.

When he aged out from under the Custody/Visitation/Support CO and they were off the hook for CS, the SpermClan pretty much cut all contact with SS except to periodically call in an attempt to guilt him into sending money to help support his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas. He has always refused those requests.

For some odd reason they seem to have felt that they had the right to manipulate the Skid when they were paying CS.  Once they no longer had to pay, they don't demonstrate that they give a shit about him or are interested in a relationship with him.

He does call his sister (SpermIdiot spawn #2) periodically and she calls him.  He will on rare occassion call the SpermIdiot and SpermGrandHag.  The SpermIdiot has never contacted him since SS turned 18 and neither as SpermGrandHag. Neither SpermIdiot Spawn #3&#4 nor SpermGrandPa make any effort to contact SS and he reciprocates in kind.  SpermGrandPa has always detested SS since he and SpermGrandHag paid their idiot son's CS and travel cost responsibilities for SS from age 1 until 18.  Apparently raising SpermIdiot spawn #2-#4 in his home while paying CS on all three makes them more palateable to SpermGrandPa.  The dope smoking, gun law violating youngest two who are delivering on the SpermIdiot's gang banger aspirations are not interested in a relationship with their big brother and neither is he interested in a relationship with them.

Some kids are so polluted by one parent or the other that they fade away from the victimized parent. Others are cursed with such a toxic blended family toxic opposition parent and family half that they have no desire to maintain contact with the toxic half of their family.   Fortuneately even though we are all here due to Skid and blended family opposition issues, the likely majority of Skids have moderately reasonable influences on both sides of their blended family.

No matter where in the world his mom and I have lived, or he has lived we stay in touch.

I am very new here but I have been reading on this site for years and just recently realized my hell is not over.SS came to live with BD and me when he was 4. It wasn’t planned; DH went to court for custody hearing and came home with the kid. I have no children and DH didn’t want any more. So, out of the blue there’s this kid in the house who DH thinks I am supposed to feed, drive to child care, take to doctor’s appointments, bathe, put to bed but not require him to pick up his toys, help set table for dinner, not spit food in my face because he doesn’t like it, etc. So, in essence, all the responsibility but none of the authority. DH and I go to counseling, which helps my DH understand that, to me, this kid is a stranger and no more my responsibility than some kid who just walked in off the street. He can expect a mutual respect between me and his son but not love. A few years go by, all the while my DH’s family is working behind the scenes to break up the marriage so he can marry his son’s BM and make this kid legitimate. This kid is... uninteresting. He has no hobbies, pastimes, no sports, no likes... His father sat him down in front of a Toy Story video game one summer and at the end of the summer he was still on level 1. This lackluster attitude also extended to school. His father would, at least weekly, dive into a full-on red-faced screaming rant at SS’s horrible grades and failure to do any school work. After one such rant SS went to school the next day and told counselor he was afraid to go home. School called BM and BM called DH’s mom and next thing you know I’m being cussed out on phone and threatened with child support services if I don’t move out of my home. I expect DH to straighten all this out and he assures me he will. A few years later MIL states my SS has “issues” because I beat him so it becomes obvious my DH didn’t want to tell his family I wasn’t the bad guy. You all here know that things didn’t go well in this atmosphere. BM had all the rest of her kids confiscated and they got new names and were placed with families out of state. SS began to claim he was suffering from depression due to his little brother (who he had never met) being taken away. At one point he claimed he was miserable because he wished he lived with his mom so we let him go live with her for almost a year, right up until he was going to fail the 8th grade because his mom was doing his school work and not hacking it in the 8th grade. I have been completely ignored by DH family throughout all of this, even to the point that I would take SS to dinner every other week to meet with MILbecause DH was in grad school and never available. During those dinners she never spoke to me. So, fast forward... SS turns 18 right before graduation and immediately moves in with BM where there are no rules, no expectations. I was totally fine -RELIEVED- with this as his choices were to 1) stay at home and attend college full-time while working a part-time job 2) go into the military 3) leave and figure out how to support himself. After 2 years he hates him Mom since she expects him to take care of her so he enlists in the army. Now he’s 24, separated from a wife and has moved back to our area. He got of the military early with a disability stipend that, IMHO, he doesn’t deserve (he claimed PTSD, depression, post-nasal drip, you name it) so gets $1200 a month. Well, that money doesn’t even pay for his car and insurance. He has been back here since August and DH has been giving him money hand-over-fist for an apartment, paying for attorneys so he can get divorced ($5K so far), buying furniture, paying for car repairs, food, you name it, he still hasn’t made any attempt to get a job, just made excuses. When SS left at age 18 I drafted a letter for DH to sign that stated SS would never again live with us. Luckily for me he signed that and I locked it away in my personal safe so I don’t have to worry about dealing with SS 24/7 but the relationship between me and DH is so strained due to SS badmouthing me to DH. He would come to the house and complain about “all the rules”. I have told my DH he can go over to SS apartment to see him or they can meet elsewhere. And the open wallet has to stop. My husband just recently quit his job because it “wasn’t making him happy”, which I feel is a direct influence of SS. He is getting severance but to be handing over thousands of dollars a month to a kid that’s not even trying to get a job just seems INSANE. It works for me to disengage. I’ve done it for so long it just seems second nature. But when does the drain on resources stop? You think the crap is gone and it’s gonna stop but it’s like a bad sewer smell- the wind changes and there it is again. My DH is never going to understand he is doing SS no favors by allowing him to sponge off us. He tries to hide all the money he’s handing over because he knows how mad it makes me. OF COURSE I’m worried about DH not getting a new job and us not having money to pay mortgage after he has given away so much money to this worthless kid. I am helpless to stop it except to let him know that I know what he’s doing. What can I do to stop this insanity before DH puts us in the poorhouse?