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Question for steps and parents regarding school

Alexusmaine's picture

Whether it be your bio or step kids what grade did you find it was difficult to almost impossible to figure out  your kids school work? I'm just talking about the core classes. 

Why am I asking? DH has to sit down with SS14 every night we have him and do HW. I don't mean help SS14 if he gets stuck on a question. I mean Literally sit right with him and read EVERY question to SS14 and basically spoon feed him the answer.  DH has to email the teachers WEEKLY because SS14 REFUSES to take notes or SAYS the teacher did not give any( not true). SS14 has a IEP in place at school and LOADS of extra help. The problem is SS14 is spoiled, lazy and would rather be watching tv than doing HW. 

So SS14 is in 9th grade and yes DH is very smart(masters degree in Engineering) BUT it's been 20 yrs since he was in high school. I'm waiting to the point DH can no longer figure out SS14 HW because it just get to hard since he is not in class like SS14


Harry's picture

Has to read the text books for DS courses.  And try to figure out how they are trying to teach him.  Math is especially hard. 

CallMeCrazy's picture

Well, I hope a man with a Master's degree can handle high school core classes, so finding it "impossible" isn't on the map. 

Now, if his son is struggling so much, perhaps he needs a tutor or an IEP or some other help? My brother was like that all the way through... my mom holding his hand and sitting with him for hours each day. Evenutally, it "clicked" as he's been a cop for 20+ years now.

Some kids need the extra help, I guess. 

Dogmom1321's picture

When SD was in elementary school, I would sit down with her and help her out. She has ADHD, but she also has a major attitude. She is lazy, but also can't be bothered to listen when you're trying to explain something. She's very impatient and gets very frustrated. SD would rather just sit there and say "I don't know" than to actually TRY. And wants to watch YOU do it.

It's not that I don't understand middle school math, but IMO, she should be taking more initiative. DH and I should not be hand holding her to do her HW. She needs to be more independent. I told DH he may need to look into getting a tutor because I no longer have the time (we have a 5 month old and I'm going back to work full-time). 

And yes, the new Common Core math standards are very different from when we went to school. 

Loxy's picture

My SD16 also has ADD but refuses to take medication as she believes it makes her boring and impacts her social life. We used to spend a lot of time with her when she was in primary school trying to help her with her homework and also got her a tutor. It was all a waste of time for the exact same reasons, she can't aborb information and is lazy and just wants someone to do it for her. BM obliges and does all SD homework that she can - which is really only English/written type stuff. As a result, SD hasn't asked us for help for years. 

We have tried so hard to get BM on board with making SD responsible for her own work but all BM cares about is that her kids get good grades (not that SD does, even with BM's help). Just recently, we had a situation where SD hung out all weekend with friends (two sleepovers, a party etc) and then asked us for the Monday off school to finish her assignment that was due that day - we said no. BM was outraged and tried to get us to agree that moving forward we would give SD whatever time off school she wants to finish her homework because everything now counts towards her final high school grades (ie ability to get into uni or not). We tried to make the case as to why we would be doing a diservice to SD by doing that but BM didn't care, as long as her kids do well - she doesn't care how it happens. And yet, she expects them to magically become responsible adults once some day.

My revenge will be SD living with BM full-time once she finishes school and BM can reap what she sows when it comes to poor parenting and deal with an irresponsible adult who will fail to properly launch.  

Tenn9lov's picture

It's good that ss has an IEP in place. I suggest contacting his case worker and setting up a meeting with him/her. There should be time built into ss school day where he go to the special education room and get 1:1 help with his school work. The case worker should be monitoring his progress. It would seem that adjustments should be made to his IEP if dh has to hold his hand every night in order to get ss to complete his coursework. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I helped my bios with homework in elementary, when they had a single sheet from their teacher that listed all their assignments. By middle school (6th grade here), they had a different teacher and different folders for each class. By then i only helped if they had a specific issue with figuring something out.

If a kid is 14 and can't or won't do their work without being sat down and spoon-fed, your DH should start making future plans for SS that involve minimal classroom schooling. College will not be for him. 

tog redux's picture

Yep, this is my SS. BM sometimes spoon fed him (during court battles), and other times just completely left him to his own devices, and he didn't do any homework.  The school also held his hand and nursed him along.  He only graduated from high school because they didn't want him messing up their graduation rate.

He's now 21 and failed out of community college and is doing nothing with his life. He has zero work ethic and a strong sense that everything should just be handed to him.  He applies for jobs, but thinks he's going to land a high paying job that he doesn't have to work at.  Has already been fired once.

BM caused it and now she is dealing with it. BM told SS that DH's efforts to get him to be more independent were "harsh" and "abusive".

Rags's picture

Time to let the kid fail and learn the relationship between effort and results.  Let his peers tag him as the class moron and he will learn to pull his head out of his ass and make an effort.  Particularly when he sits alone every evening and all weekend every weekend writing 10s of thousands of sentences in perfect hand writing at a pace of 180/hour, with perfect spelling and grammar.

"I will do my homework correctly and turn it in on time."

Kids who screw around when they should be paying g attention or working can work during what should be their free time.  Abject misery changes behavior.  Bring the misery, change the behaviors.

Loxy's picture

While I agree with your views, I don't think being tagged as the class moron is necessarily the outcome in most cases. My SD is viewed as the funny one, class clown and she loves that title - hence why she won't take medication for her ADD as it supposedly makes her boring. Bottom line, there is zero chance her friends/peers at school are going to influence her to put in effort and do well at school, even though most of her friends are all doing better and aiming for university. 

I think SD16 will have to learn the hard way (over and over again) when school finishes.