Question regarding BFs level of involvement with BM

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BF is using the "shes the mother of my children, I'll always have a special place in my heart for her" on the topic of him moving on and leaving us alone. "You can't get rid of me we have children". He has also stated he has a stake in her current relationships status due to the fact she is residential parent of their two children. And anything that could affect the mother can affect the children. Which on its face, you would have to agree with. But where do you drawn the line? How much info is he personally entitled to? I can understand cases of abuse or neglect someone would need to step in. There would be justifiable concern. How do you handle this otherwise? Thank you.

Not my fault. Not why I

Not my fault. Not why I initially posted but that's your opinion.

this is how I explained it to

this is how I explained it to my DH when he would give me the "I'm doing it for my son, not BM" excuse. Theoretically you could use that excuse for just about anything from I had to give BM money to fix her car because she transports SS so she needs to have a vehicle... to I wiped BM's ass for her because I wouldn't want SS to have a BM with a smelly ass...

I do agree that Bio Dad should be and has every right to be concerned with the relationship status of his ex wife/girlfriend (or whatever she was) as whoever she is with will have direct contact with and influence on his kids.

No offense, but I'm going to say it like it is...from your last post, it sounds to me like the root of Bio Dad's problem is that in his eyes you stole his family, his ex was cheating with you and now he has to watch the woman that he loved carry on with someone else AND he has to watch his children build a relationship with you as well. Sorry, but this has got to be a hard pill to swallow, put yourself in his shoes for one minute and I think you might be more inclined to cut this guy a little slack.

Exactly my thoughts. Its

Exactly my thoughts. Its like where does it stop? Everything she does in her life affects her "state of mind" and the welfare of the boys.
Points well taken. Thank you for the advice.

I didn't want that thread to spill over into this one. Believe me I have tried to be patient and understanding. This is 6 months later. Theres has been plenty of "slack" and me trying to be cordial/open to him. Just to have it thrown in my face. We just need a good few months and I think everything will work out. I've said that all along.

Anyone else, You don't have to reply and add to the BS unless you choose to. Don't "feed the troll".

Again, I think that Bio dad's

Again, I think that Bio dad's wounds are still pretty raw... give it some time, try to step away and outside of the drama.

The only way the (drama) monster will go away is to stop feeding it.

Yes I completely understand.

Yes I completely understand. Him and I have had several conversations in the past which have ended well. I felt good about them, and he seemed to as well.
On that note, when you say "give it some time", how much time? I understand matters of the heart you cant reliably place numbers on, but.. 6 months, 1 year, 2 years? I've tried to stay out of the way.. I really have. And I will continue.
I don't initiate any contact with him and never have. I don't antagonize for the sake of it. I did try to be friendly at first. Tried to help him along. I tried to separate myself from the situation a bit. Little late I know. But I truly did understand. And knew what it was going to take to get to where he needed to be. She was pretty confident they were done. It was all very strange at first which I'm sure he will attest, the way we tried to get along considering the circumstances. His anger would get the better of him, which caused me to back off. And take offense. I understand why he was acting out, and did my best to brush most of it off. I'm a pretty sensitive person so it did have some effect. Its getting better. And our last episode should not have been that big of a deal. I think we're on the right track.

... All I have to say is...

... All I have to say is... /sigh

If you don't see yelling at me, and asking me questions like "Why should she give up 1/2 of her time with the boys?" or "What if we wanted to do something with them on weekends?" as intentionally antagonistic then there's really no hope. That is you acting like they are your children, and that I have no right to be with them. At least that's the way it sounded to me. I believe I asked you at the beginning if what you wanted was a ready made family...

And there you go with the "I understand" BS again. How about you have a couple kids with her, have her cheat on you, and have to watch your kids bonding with the other man.... Then you might understand where I was, not a second sooner though.

I won't even go into your saying you've never initiated contact with me... We both know that's a load of crap.

Yet here you are still bumping your gums, trying to present yourself in the best light possible. I've never tried to hide from my shortcomings, nor from the sad fact that yes I did become abusive. I'm just a tad bit tired of your 1/2 truths and outright lies about the situation. That's not venting, that's just spewing BS... So spew away I guess. You know the more you tell a lie the more you begin to actually believe it yourself, or something like that. Like I said before, you can believe whatever you like, but that doesn't make it the truth.

go away. Jesus All of that

go away. Jesus

All of that sounds so ridiculous coming from you. Really. Just go away. Seek help. Everyone around you KNOWS you need it. Trust me on that one.

Wrong. i linked the BM, SHE

Wrong. i linked the BM, SHE linked the BF.. For reasons still unknown.

If you are questioning my motives, you might want to go back and re-read my initial post. I never intended on him showing up there. I wanted BM to see that I was not the only one of the same opinion. Its that simple.

You missed something. I

You missed something. I didn't tell her what to do. Her parents gave her the lawyers phone number, not I. I basically told her that I couldn't deal with chaos. So SOMETHING needed to happen. Not exactly what. Its not my business until its affecting MY life. Then I have to make the decision of whether I want to let it continue its course or not. Or suggest how to alter that course. I'm usually not a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda guy. And no, it Didn't backfire. She needed to hear it from people Other than me. And her parents.

The general consensus has been, BM needs to put her foot down. Am I using that against her in any way? No. She realized it, she just had trouble putting her foot down. Abusive relationships will do that to you apparently. I've never been in one so I don't really understand. I've never had much sympathy for the "abused housewives" type. There's always a way out. I've always felt that they just chose to stay. I know its not that simple, but..

Talk about trying to paint yourself in the best light you can.. LOL. I'm not going to take the time for rebuttal, because it really doesn't matter. I didn't want this thread to get mucked up like my first.

I never once denied that. I

I never once denied that. I am fully aware. I was gone. She was calling me/texting me not to go etc. I can't help the way I feel. I'm a very emotional person and she knew I was looking for someone I could trust and know beyond a shadow of a doubt she had my back. I don't feel I deserve anything less. She feels she can give that to me. I believe her. Was a somewhat minor misunderstanding. She didn't physically cheat on me and has told him NUMEROUS times to leave her the hell alone but he doesn't stop. He gets all nicey(social engineer) which makes him tolerable again then starts testing the boundaries. So I know what she Wants to do, she's just having trouble standing up to him(abusive relationship?).

btw, My life wasn't abused, hers was.

We have since made progress. We at least know where each other stand. I obviously don't want to leave or I would be gone, and not asking for advice on a message board.

You missed something. I

Hey Foxie! Anybody? Is this a

Hey Foxie! Anybody? Is this a family on here with different screen names, fighting back and forth on the internet?

Sorry, am confused. :?

Maybe you should buy into her

Maybe you should buy into her drama mongering and address the OP.. Or not post. Noone is fighting here. Are you here to help or...... ???????

LOL- Who???

So I made a thread planning

So I made a thread planning on everyone showing up and it being a big clusterF? I believe I made an honest post asking for honest advice. If you aren't capable of that, I'd suggest you just bow out. Or maybe just hang around and judge everyone. Thats fun as well. You are certainly in good company. Check out your friend Butterfly practically BEGGING for the juicy details!! lol...

I feel like I could have

I feel like I could have written your post. You and I ma'am, are on the same page. Thank you for your perspective. Makes perfect sense. And yes, I realize my role here should be minor. This has to come from them. I cannot force it. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to make an issue of it. And when I did feel I had to speak up, 6 months later, I'm pretty confident it was the right thing to do.
I'm really thankful for this website and to be able to hear from people who have been through similar situations. I don't feel so alone anymore. And I truly thank you all. Man, I'm gonna need a tissue.

This was my original

This was my original sentiment at the beginning. For the first month or so I tried to create space. Hoping things would work out a little better. He didn't didn't really have anywhere to go. That got dragged out a bit then we rushed. Feelings and emotions took over. Your suggestion was pretty much my solution last Friday.

The point of my time here was

The point of my time here was to figure out the best way to deal with an obsessive, manipulative BF. Not have a pissing match with him. I knew I wasn't going to be the best at dealing with this madness. I knew it was going to be tough. I've never said I was perfect. I would have never thought this would progress to the point it has or I wouldn't have posted here.

I don't think I have any sort

I don't think I have any sort of stake in their relationship. All I said was that it's a concern of mine, none of my business, but a concern nonetheless.

I WANT them to be happy. I thanked him for being good to the boys, for being there for them, even though that means I'm not there with/for them all the time like I had been from the day they were born.

More outright lies from you on this sir, or is that the way you remember our last conversation? Me saying I have some sort of stake in your relationship? And you say I have a selective memory. /sigh

You said that it is your

You said that it is your business since it affects their mothers state of mind. It's very apparent in just about every post you make. Person was calling you out on it in the other thread. You can't see it. You replied to him with more of the same BS. Stop stalking me on the internet.

I came here for advice. He

I came here for advice. He came here to argue. You make the call. Now hes stalking all my posts here. So far he has respected my requests to stop texting and calling my phone. This will be my formal request to stop posting to my threads and communicating to me through the internet. BM has also asked him to stop posting to my threads.

You came here spouting

You came here spouting outright lies, 1/2 truths, and spouting off about scenarios and situations that happened before we both (the boys mother and I) even knew you existed. I came here with corrections, and to give a more rounded perspective on the situation. Wasn't seeking an argument, was simply giving the fine folks here more of the story than you shared. You didn't like the fact that you got called out on your BS so you started slinging mud, quite typical behavior for you sir.

As for me contacting your phone, well I was simply replying to your phone even though you were texting me from hers. I could tell it was you, so I responded to your phone. Made sense to me, didn't make sense for you to be using her phone when you have a perfectly good one. /shrug You then flipped out about that, and threatened to seek a restraining order?!? LOL.

Again, I don't think I have a stake in, nor did I say your relationship is any of my business. I specifically said to you on the phone that I know your relationship is none of my business, but that it is a concern I have since it has a direct bearing on the environment the boys spend the majority of their time in. You know the same conversation where you were intentionally trying to bait me by saying things like "Why should she give up 1/2 of her time with the boys?", and "What if we wanted to do something with them on weekends?". But noooo, you aren't antagonistic just for the hell of it...

I shall indeed stop posting to your threads because it's obviously a huge waste of my time to continue to throw pearls before swine!

Peace!

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Question regarding BFs level of involvement with BM