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Question to clear my mind RE: ex and BD

I am confused's picture

Not that this matters anymore, but I need to know if I'm nuts or if something's ridiculous.

BD is a 39 year old full-grown man who works, pays his bills, coaches baseball, blah, blah, blah, and he has to go out of town for weeks at a time for his job, including occasionally overseas. He's the worst writer I've ever read, and he speaks like a bit character from the old TV show Green Acres, but the man knows how to pack a suitcase.

So Sunday night the exFskids are going to Daddy's at 6:30 because that's the swap time. AND on Monday they're going to camp.

Does Mommy need to be at Daddy's house at 10 at night to help them pack, or can the kids and Daddy do it themselves? I mean shit, is she going to have to go to Daddy's every time they have to brush their teeth? He can't take care of his kids on his night? He can pack for a week in France but he can't pack two preteens for a week at camp?

It's just another bullshit deal for her to keep her little "family" going and still keep someone else around is my feeling. You're either Mommy/Daddy/the kids, or you're Mommy/the kids and Daddy/the kids. You're either divorced or you aren't. This isn't a graduation or a weeding, it's packing for fucking camp.

Am I high or is that ridiculous that she feels the need to go TO DADDY'S at 10 at night and pack them?

I am confused's picture

I haven't talked to her. This is what happened this past Sunday night. I wrote it in a poor choice of tenses, which is ironic after joking about his lack of writing skills. But seriously you should read some of the shit this yokel has written to her. One day I'll post some. At first I laughed my ass off at lines like "now i no why your not suppose to look at a beautiful women in her dress before you marry her", but then I just got depressed. Really depressed. Like "how in the hell can I be with a woman who would marry a dipshit like this?" No shit. That's no exaggeration.

Anyway, regarding the other night, she told me I was being an inconsiderate asshole and they're her kids and it's perfectly normal and I was just stewing about it and wanted to know that I ditched her for the acceptable reasons Smile And right after that talk was when I got the bullshit phone call...

I am confused's picture

I have come to this realization. I expect to hear any day that the divorce has been canceled. Oh well, I guess everybody plays the fool at some point in their life.

now4teens's picture

May I repeat myself from a couple of days ago?

You're 42. No kids. No baggage.

Quite a "catch" in the wide world of dating, guy!

And like the wise ladies said, you KNOW the answer to this question you posed. But I'll give it to you because you asked...

She USED you. Maybe she did it to get him jealous. Maybe she needed to see what it was like to be with another guy before she got back with him. Whatever. YOU were conveniently "that guy."

Consider youself lucky that you're out of this dysfunctional relationship and move on. There are plenty of women who will want YOU for YOU. Wink

I am confused's picture

I'm going to let go. I did let go Sunday. I told her that if I woke up alone Monday morning I would never speak with her again. I hate to give ultimatums but it was time. We needed to work on the fighting for custody or whatever, together, and get on with our lives or just stop.

It's just hard to let go when you are really deeply in love with someone. Well, I will be forever scarred but I'm sure I'll trudge along and get by...

now4teens's picture

I have a feeling you will do more than just "trudge along and get by..."

You will come through this stronger and more self-assured. It will just take some healing time. And whoever you ultimately wind up with will be one lucky lady.

(Just make sure she doesn't have kids Wink )

stormabruin's picture

Going along with what the others said, you obviously know the answer to your question. I doubt you were asking because you were truly searching for an answer. Of course when you've been with someone for a period of time, your questions & thoughts don't just go away. Vent about it here if you feel like it helps. I'm sorry she didn't know a good guy with him staring her in the face.

I am confused's picture

You're probably right. I know she's going back to him. I know she's canceling the divorce. I know she never intended to marry me. I guess you're right, I just needed to vent. Sad

Thanks to everyone for giving me that chance Smile

starfish's picture

when you meet a new girl, hopefully with better intentions then using you, i'm sure this little problem will go away...

but the longer you keep wallowing in self pity (tough love, not being nasty, just want you to wake up) and not moving on to greener pastures, you're stuck in this rut.... and you're not going to attract any new babes with this poor me attitude...

as mentioned above "42 and no baggage" that's a fucking awesome selling point. get out there and use it...

moving on is always hard, but i've always said "new boy makes old boy go away" ~~ you just stick "new girl" in there instead... and try not to get so deeply involved with the next "rebound" chick...she may be the one, but proceed with caution..

good luck!

midwestmama's picture

IAC, she definitely "did you wrong" but truthfully, she just wasnt "available" to build what needed to be built in order for this to work. She was too square in the middle of the last (current) sitch to go starting something new. Whether she cognitively did all this is debatable, and it's unfortunate (esp for you) but I'd say you were surely in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dont beat yourself up for falling for didnt know either. And maybe if things had been more settled when it started, it might have worked. But people need to learn how to be divorced before they can learn how to be a new family, and that requires closing the door on the last/current one first.

I totally agree with others who pointed out that you are a CATCH! My gosh...not saying you dont have baggage after what you've been through, surely you have scars that will shine through into future relationships, but not having kids is HUGE. Go out and find yourself a 30yo hottie with a college education, good career job, and no kids! They ARE out there - I know, cuz I was one once!

I still cant believe you were actually giving her ANOTHER chance! (if you hadnt woken up alone Mon it would still be on?? so she sleeps OVER there?? or maybe it takes all night to pack...) Yes! Be done! Be glad it's over and move on!