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Question about “relocating” with SS15

EricaT1980's picture

Submitted by EricaT1980 on Sun, 01/15/2023 - 8:46pm

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General Discussion

DH has full legal and Physical custody of SS15 for the last 10 months. BM gave this to DH. SS15 has not been over to visit BM in ten months and has no Desire to. 

Now DH and I want to move to three states away with SS15. SS15 wants to go.  I'm almost 100 percent BM will fight this just to be a b@tch. 

Based on our current situation how difficult can BM make this? What will we have to do to make this happen??? SS15 will be 16 when we move. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sun, 01/15/2023 - 9:25pm

Everything depends on the laws of your state/country. If the correct papers were drawn up goving him full legal and physical custody, though, you should be in the clear. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sun, 01/15/2023 - 9:48pm

Why did BM give your husband full custody? Was it because she didn't want/couldn't handle SS? Perhaps if you let her believe that the choices were (1) you moving with SS and (2) you moving and leaving SS with her (without you not moving as one of the options), she'll think twice about contesting the move.  

I'd do a consult with a lawyer, but based on SS's age, desire to move with you, and the status quo (no visitation taken by BM in almost a year), you might be allowed to move with him even if she objects. 

EricaT1980's picture

Submitted by EricaT1980 on Mon, 01/16/2023 - 9:39am

Basically BM could not handle SS15 and wanted to dump SS15 AND the problems BM created onto DH to "fix" then SS15 would coming running back to mommy. Well it backfired on BM. DH did "fix" the problems created by BM BUT now SS15 HATES BM for how she handled the whole thing and BM knows this. BM knows if SS15 comes back to BM's he WILL NOT be this loving child who missed mommy. BM does not want to see SS15 now BUT like I said I can Definitely see her putting up a stink about us moving just to be difficult. That's how she is

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Mon, 01/16/2023 - 11:00am

It will really be up to how much BM wants to fight and who has the most $ for the fight. Maybe if SS agrees to visit her over the summer she will allow it. Maybe she won't care since she hasn't seen him in months anyway.

Another avenue would be dropping or reducing CS if she allows it. All you can do is open the conversation to start. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Tue, 01/17/2023 - 8:50am

What is your reason for wanting to move? Just because you want to or is there a good, solid reason (e.g. taking care of a dying parent, being gifted a house, a new job with 2-3x the salary)?

Do you have the money to fight BM in court? What happend if the judge allows you all to move without SS and returns custody to BM?

If the move were allowed to happen but BM got summers and holidays AND demanded that SS show up, how would your DH make sure SS got to her house so that he doesn't end up in contempt?

You need answers to these questions first. Talking to an attorney will help.