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Putting mil, ex and skids before spouse.

caitlinj's picture

Submitted by caitlinj on Tue, 06/12/2018 - 11:16am

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Anyone else experiencing this? If it’s not him putting his kids first (understandable in most cases, not all) it’s him putting his mother or his ex before me. It’s like the never ending third wheel situation. He always tells me his kids come first. However I’ve never asked him to abandon his kids or neglect them for me. But things as simple as considering taking a vacation with me without his kids once in a while or not spending all of his income on them (they have tons of toys and are in tons of activities). He won’t even miss one of his sons basketball practices and he is only 7 and has 3 practices and 2 games each week for 4 months! The only time he missed a practice was for his mother’s birthday! Don’t even get me started about mil whom he talks to on the phone with constantly even late at night about nothing. They even work together at the same company! He has even suggested I take a vacation with him and his mother (odd). He says we will get separate hotel rooms lol. Anyone else experience this?

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Thu, 06/14/2018 - 6:36am

Do you want to be in a relationship where you will never come first?  (By the way, personally, I don't think kids come first even in intact or initial families.  It might look cute on commercials or sit-coms, but no child runs the roost nor should in any household.)  

Hate to tell you this, but if it is him, kids, ex-, MIL, then you are fifth on his list.  Do you want to be an SO or wife, or do you want to be a free-babysitter and this family's lackey?  It is up to you.  Right now you are the latter.  You can be the former by finding someone else who values you and supports and promotes your role as his SO.  You can be his SO, and he can be a dad, and his children can be his children, and so on.  It is NOT a question of choosing who comes first or picking sides.  And, his ex- is just that, an ex-.  She is no longer SO or wife #1.