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Pregnant 18 year old stepdaughter

Lilly Mae's picture

My stepdaughter is 18, suffers from mental illness and we found out this week she's pregnant.  Her boyfriend wants her to abort as he feels they too young.  I have 3 kids of my own.  She moved out the house to live with her boyfriend , we supplied her contraceptive every month but she didn't take it.  Her dad has said she may move back home.  She has tried suicide and is Mentally Ill.  We took her to psychologists who put her on medication.  She decided to stop the medication.  This week we sat down with her and her boyfriend to discuss the situation , she had a full on meltdown blaming her dad and his past affairs from a previous marriage to threatening suicide.  I couldn't deal with it so I got up to get some air as i was shaking and she said , oh you leaving well then you won't have any part in my babies life.  She is psycho.. Can't do anything for herself let alone raise a baby ..her father let's her get away with so much claiming shes too depressed to get up and do a chore.  I have tried to be nice to her but I'm afraid that if she moves back it will affect not only me but my children .. Who have seen her psychotic episodes.  She manipulates and lies to her father.  I feel like this will end my marriage ... As her father has said his child comes first.  We have only been married for a year and been together 4 years.  I am so stressed out.  She was also drinking and smoking weed until she found out at 7 weeks that she's pregnant.  I know she won't be able to care for her child and her dad and I will have to raise ... I don't want this as I'm raising my own kids. They can't afford the baby as they both earn a small amount.  They are currently living at his parents place .. But he's dead set against not having baby .. They both immature.

ybarra357's picture

'As her father has said his child comes first.'

Welp, there you have it.  Take your kids and leave.  Let grampa raise her kid.  

CLove's picture

Its a crime what your husband is doing and allowing. You and your marriage and partnership should "come first". The children are a responsibility when minors. At 18, this "child" is now a pro-creating adult, and if shes adult enough to self-medicate and get pregnant, shes adult enought to support herself. 

Your partner needs to re-calibrate his understanding of healthy marriages, because "the children come first" is NOT a healthy view.

So you need to lawyer up and evaluate what your options are, because this is a mess.

File for emergency child support, or get those ducks in a row. Get all financial ducks in a row and get copies of all paperwork. You will need to play hard ball with this guy. He will end up coddling and being manipulated by his mini-wife and  it is up to him to raise that poor unborn kiddo.

This is not a victimless crime. Shame on your husband.

justmakingthebest's picture

Yeah, time for a post-nup and clear understanding with your husband that if she moves in, they both will move out. You and your kids will stay in your home and he and SD can get an apartment and raise her baby together. 

This would be a now way in hell situation for me. 

Thumper's picture

Nope, nope and NOPE

Everything you are currently living in real time IS my red line zone. It is also my husbands red zone. My ex's and his wife too.

Here is something you could say as a back UP if it comes up.

If someone tells you they cant let them on the streets....

print out of available rentals in the town next to you.

AND a copy of your local social services address and telephone number.

I would say without hesitation:

Here, here are places they can rent and contact numbers for social services to see if they qualify for WIC, Food stamps, emergency welfare, medical assistance,vouchers for housing and electric assistance.

Housing, food, medical and cash.........IF she is on the streets that is by her own decision.

((((HUGS)))))

*one more thing, the next time SD spews YOU WONT SEE YOUR GRANDCHILD...say, OK I wont.

 

 

 

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Lol like it's a punishment! God forbid you don't get to deal with her and her precious offspring! Maybe if you beg her not to withold the child from you, she will stay away and raise it herself out of spite.

Seriously, though, this sounds like a horrible situation, and if your husband is already saying she "comes first", you need to seriously think about protecting yourself and your kids. Every move you make from here on out needs to be with that in mind. 

Harry's picture

Tell SO to move out with his DD.   You know what will happen.  You will be raising the baby. SD and DH will do nothing except fight with each other.    Don't let this happen. 

advice.only2's picture

I think you can see the writing on the wall already, this probably isn't going to be the first or last baby she has that she drops on other people. I foresee her showing up on random occasions to swoop in and play MOTY only to leave again leaving the children confused and hurt. Or worse taking off with the kids for days, weeks, months at a time only to show up and drop them off again. So right now it's hard with her, imagine how much harder it's going to be raising her children and still having no say.

Guilfoyle's picture

Of this kid has the baby, expect IT to move back home with you and screw the rest of your life. Your husband puts the child first? Dump his ass and say no, if I don't come first then I'm gone. Pack your things and leave. How utterly disrespectful. Omg. People get married and take vows to let this shit ruin everything. Why get married. He is a loser.