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Poor sd, dog ate her art! Major melt down, now she hates my dog.

stepmominhiding's picture

Ok,  so about a week ago, sd and dd were making art,  i instructed dd (in front of sd)  to put her art mess away, including her art work.  My reasons are: 

1. They don't belong in the breakfast table

2. Dogs can get it

3. Sd has a bad habit of being jealous and tearing things up

 

Well sd knows that she always leaves all her stuff everywhere, everyone is telling her to please put her stuff away. I last told her she's always leaving her stuff everywhere.  Her response is "i never leave my stuff out, you're wrong"

So, i refused to tell sd anything or remind her.  So a week later we come in from going out to dinner.  Her paper is literally hanging out of the dog's mouth. She gets mad, rips it out of the dogs mouth. And takes it to her room.  Dh tells her, it sounds have been in her room in the first place.  She responds "i was just waiting for it to dry!" Um, it was dry a week ago! 

So later she comes out slamming her feet with each step. I ask her what's up. She starts yelling and sobbing "not everyone is a perfect artist like dd13, i worked very hard on my art and the dog just rips it up! It's not fair! 

 

1st of all, dd13 worked very hard on her art as well,  she even came up with the original design, unlike sd. 

2nd of all, she didn't care enough about it to put it in her room,  it's been left out all week

3rd of all,  what's left out is fair game to the dogs, they don't know the value of a peice of paper with paint on it. 

Well,  of course i didn't say any of that.  I should have, I know.  It's one of those things that i guess i just don't have big enough cajones. 

What i did say was: "nobody expects you to paint exactly the same way dd does.  What i will tell you, sd, if you try to copy someone else's work, you will ALWAYS be disappointed with the way it comes out. It's not your original creation, it's just a copy of someone else's work. If you come up with your own ideas, you're own creation, your own style, it will be a one of a kind peice of art." 

Im hoping that i got through to her on some level. She still blames my dog for the turn up art,  and i keep reminding her it's actually her own fault it got torn up,  because it should have been in her room.

Survivingstephell's picture

OMG, why are you all protecting her from logical consequences???  She left it out and the dogs got it.  Simple as that.  She doens't need smoke blown up her butt about skills and practice.  Stop getting in the comparison talk with her.  Focus on HER behavior and choices, not her lack of skill.  All this whining she does only servers her purpose of attention and will turn her into a victim.  Get a book on raising a resilent child.  You will learn how to help her deal with failure and rejection which will serve her much better in the long run.  

Indigo's picture

Wondering. Sounds sorta familiar.  Hope the dog doesn't become ill.

stepmominhiding's picture

She should be fine,  she couldn't have had it long.  It wasn't torn up until sd pulled it from her mouth.  Even then i got the other peice from her.  She didn't swallow any hair with paint on it. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

So you criticized her art and ignore the fact that she was upset it got ruined? And you think you got through to her? You completely invalidated her feelings.

You handled it completely wrong.

She flat out expressed that she felt you were putting her down because she doesn’t have the same talent as DD.  Even if it’s copying that fact doesn’t down play the effort she put into it but you basicly told her you didn’t care because copying is worthless to you and should be to her.

I personally am very offended by the implication that copying another’s work makes an art piece worthless. MANY artists copy as a way to grow and practice their skills. It’s also a way for them to find their own. Even the “Masters” did it.

Second, yes the dog eating it is a natural consequence and you could have focused on that but she didn’t leave it out hoping the dog would eat it. She left it out and forgot about it. You clearly stated that you don’t remind her because she does that stuff all the time. Maybe she would have continued to forget about it but seeing it in the dogs mouth hurt her and you didn’t say a single thing about that. You believe she shouldn’t care at all because she left it out. Again she didn’t do it thinking the dog would eat it. But it happened and going back to your response you basically told her she shouldn’t care because it wasn’t good art anyways.

MoominMama's picture

Life is tough when you don't look after your things. It's just any chance for a major drama episode. It's almost as if they have to point out that anything produced by, connected to or owned by them is so special that its a loss to the whole world. 

I remember SD at 16, my BS18 was visiting for a month in the summer holidays, he had just finished college. SD had left her coffee mug right on the edge of the coffee table and it got knocked off accidently by my BS. She went hysterical, crying and making a big drama of it. Aparently this was her special mug. Her favourite etc. I said it was an accident and these things happen. BS had already apologised, but no, this was not enough (nothing ever was for her). I suggested she choose a new one when we were in the shop (despite there being plenty of others in the cupboard) but no, that was not good wnough either so i just said 'i cant help you then..'  She then went to daddy to complain that BS had broken her mug (how i would have loved to break her ugly 'mug' ). No doubt she whined to BM too. Any one that would listen. What a drama over a bloody pottery mug. Sad but true.

DH told her 'enough already' and she sulked with resentment. It makes you wonder how these people cope with life at all