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Please tell me how you do it...

Betrayd's picture

I'm relatively young and healthy but I have to admit, the last few years have taken a huge toll on me. Not one but two BMs - one certifiably crazy, the other a money grubbing whore, and the three skids between the two, one living here, one trying to. Now the SD that wants to live here is actually pretty great but the other two older SSs are lazy, manipulative, vindictive and money grubbing like their mother.

So my question is what point do you walk away because you honestly just can't physically take all of the ridiculous unnecessary drama? Or do you just hide and medicate or self-medicate until you are able to come out of your room with a fake-ass Brady mom smile? I seriously think I'm going to have a heart attack one day from all of the constant bullshit and stress. I used to be so happy and now I am getting fat and bitter and just mean. I don't even know who the hell I am anymore. Please tell me how you all cope and that I'm not the only one hiding in my closet some nights with a glass of wine!?!?

twoviewpoints's picture

" the other two older SSs are lazy, manipulative, vindictive and money grubbing like their mother".

These two are adults (per your bio clip). They don't need to be living with you or holding out their hands at all. As adults now, DH doesn't have to have any communication with the one BM (the money grubbing whore?). That leaves the SD now trying to squeeze her way in and the one batsh*t crazy BM left.

Focus first on getting the two adult males out (give Dh a timeline for them and then out they go), before really considering the next one (SD) moving in. Unless the Sd is being abused/neglected why rush into opening the front door?

Reclaim your home. Get the heck out of the closet. Go out there and put the fear of the devil in your DH. Unless he wants to be single again, his does something with the two adults. Four adults don't belong in one household especially if two of them are not functioning as adults.

Betrayd's picture

Thanks. SD18 is a senior and has decided our world is too hard and leaving in May after graduation. The other SS wont talk to him because DH won't give him any more money. So on that front I guess I'm pretty good if I can survive the next few months.

SD13's mom really is crazy. We're waiting for the home study to be complete to go to court. Maybe that's a mistake. I'm so torn. She seems nice enough but so did SS18 before he moved his butt in and turned our lives upside down.

DH can be at BMs beck and call at times but he's getting better. He wants SS18 gone yesterday and is rethinking SD13 coming here. We both want our family back from crazy land!

Betrayd's picture

Thanks Smile

furkidsforme's picture

I survive by a stew of resentment, peppered with lots of lowered expectations. But I recognize my issue isn't really SS at all (beyond his poor hygiene), but rather DH.

IslandGal's picture

I tried for 3 years and knew if I didn't leave - I'd go batshit mental. So I'm out.

Knowing that you will always come 3rd in your loved ones life doesn't sit too well with me.

I am not a doormat and I will NOT be kept in the corner.

Betrayd's picture

Thanks, yes unfortunately still in HS. With no freaking permit or drivers license. Good job BM!!!

Rags's picture

I would draw the line at an idiot SO who refuses to step up and parent. The skids are a biproduct of that. The SO has a choice, step up and parent, or do exactly what I tell them to do when I tell them to do it, and if they refuse those options they can take their toxic crotch dribble spawn and GTFO of my space and my life.

Fortunately, I have an amazing bride who makes amazing decisions so all I have pretty much had to do is communicate my inputs and have her back as she executes our agreed actions regarding the Sperm Clan. We are an absolute team as far as parenting the Skid was concerned and aside from a couple of periodic minor disagreements we have worked well together in parenting.

katielee's picture

I started focusing on my health again this morning. Otherwise I'm just going to die... fat, sick, and mean;) I came into my marriage at a pretty good place physically, mentally, and financially. Since SD13 moved in January of last year, EVERY area of my life has gone to shit. I love my husband but I'm thinking about joining the escapees who got out before stepparenting killed them.

JustPeachy22's picture

After trying the step family thing we are finally separated living in our own homes. I LOVE it. I did not realize how much peace was missing from my home and life.My BS's (16) attitude and life have improved dramatically. He went from failing to making straight A's and joining the football team. The pressure from trying to integrate 3 kids was too much on top of MIL and BM. I don't miss or regret having to deal with the steps. I have no idea where this is going with my DH or if we are going to stay together. I just know that right now, this is what needed to be done. I'm sure not everyone agrees with our situation but we are doing what works for us and what is best for all 3 children.

tradingplaces's picture

Any more tips besides leaving? I really love my DH but his baggage sucks.

SweetMom's picture

At first I thought this was my old post but it's not. To tell you the truth, I have gained weight too..a lot! BM saw it and that gave her a crutch to lose hers so with sd throwing up in my face how great her mom looks, just pissed me off. Now I am walking and counting calories. Sleeping all day will add weight too. Set your alarm, have you a energy drink first thing to get you motivated. Count calories at or weightwatchers has a apt. There is also a apt on run keeper. Find yourself a walking time of the day and make yourself a routine. Ignore the kids because they are only kids poisoned. Say to yourself ," they are only fucking kids" life style change!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Sounds like me, too. I have health problems that were already present when I met DH, but FT skids hasn't helped. I am diabetic, have FM and I swear I will NOT lose my mind. Sometimes I think it's all I have left! I have self-medicated with lo-dose Xanax to help with the FM. I recently stopped taking Lyrica for pain over 6 months and the side effects were bad. Like panic attack bad with mobility probs. So a little pill and excelling at my office have put a smile on my face. I have learned to speak up with DH and tell him that he and his 2-digit IQ daughters are a pain in my ass. For the first time, I think he's starting to hear my roar! LOL

~ Moon