Please help ASAP. Christmas wedding emergency!
I am bio mom of 10 year old son. I left my husband of 15 years.. And got into a new relationship very fast. When my ex found out he was livid. He said the ink wasn't even dry and my new boyfriend was posting pics on FB about how in love he was ...
My ex nearly lost it. He was so sad and destroyed. I feel a lot of guilt about it to this day. It didn't help that with my ex saw this post on FB... He blew up and called me every name under the sun. My boyfriend got mad and grabbed the phone out of my hand and told my ex that he was going to come fu@k him up and beat him down.
My ex is not violent and he freaked. He was scared and extremely angry. He got family money and took me back to court and fought for full custody. He wanted a protective order from my boyfriend and said my son shouldn't be around him.
I told him he was overreacting! And he eventually back off a little but he thinks my now fiancé is insane and he hates when my son is around him.
When the legal battle was underway my fiancé even wanted to be in my meetings. My attorney told him no.
Since this happened I have kept my now fiancé away from my ex. I have asked him not to go to soccer games etc. he has obliged but he is extremely angry that I "favor my ex" over him. I am just trying to keep the peace.
Well my fiancé has been great around my son, until recently. Often my son comes to visits and he starts off as a terror. He calls my fiancé stupid. He is angry and starts punching pillows etc. my fiancé reacts to that BADLY. He begins nicely but then starts insulting my son. I correct my son and ask him to apologize when he's rude, but my fiancé starts talking back. It gets bad.
Last week my son was particularly difficult. We had just picked him up and was taking him to a restaurant for dinner. My fiancé knows that my son gets jealous when we hold hands or he rubs my shoulders so he started doing that. My son tried walking between us to break our hands apart and have ME next to him. My fiancé just kept holding harder. So my son told him he was going to elbow him in the heart. My fiancé says "go ahead, I will reach into your chest grab your heart out and hand it to you.." My son began crying. My fiancé brushed it off as a joke.
I told them both to stop. Then after a little time my son was goofing around asking how to say some things in Spanish. My fiancé speaks Spanish. He said asshole is " insert my son's name". Then he said he was just joking.
Well the problems went on and off through the weekend. At the end before getting dropped off my fiancé started fighting w me about money. He wanted my paycheck and was accusing me of delaying the deposit. I told him it was coming, it's a bank delay. My son got mouthy and said that's my mon's money! (He's right) but my fiancé told my son that I took HIS money. It began another war. My son trying to protect me and then leaving the visit saying he never wants to see my fiancé again.
Well we are supposed to get married this weekend. I'm supposed to pick my son up tomorrow. It's a very small wedding (only his family because my family thinks my fiancé is awful and won't attend).
And my ex just called me to tell me that he doesn't want my son to go w me this weekend because he thinks my fiancé is crazy because of the pull out the heart comment and he wants to get a protective order.
My fiancé blew up when I told him this. He was very angry that I am willing to even listen to what my ex says and that I'm siding w my ex. He said that he regretted ever spending money on my son for Christmas, told me I have zero parenting skills w my son because he mouths off to him... And is extremely mad. Even suggesting we call off the wedding.
I asked if I could just spend a little alone time w my son tomorrow and he said that my ex is using my son as a weapon and he can see that it is a never ending battle w me.
It's Christmas Eve. I'm getting tipsy trying to avoid the pain. I have to decide tomorrow Christmas Day. What do I do,??? Do I call off wedding??? Do I force my son to come ??? Do I listen to my fiancé and avoid any alone time w my son tomorrow??? He says I need to force the issue.
Or do I tell my fiancé that my ex means it w the protective order (he thinks it's a bluff and baseless) and tell him no more contact w my son.
Please help!!!
Tell your fiance to kick
Tell your fiance to kick rocks. He's treating you and your son like shit and you're just taking it?
If you choose to stay with this awful man, your ex should get full custody.
Exactly! You marrying that
Exactly! You marrying that man, means you may as well, sign your son over to your ex
Prayers
There's no way I would marry
There's no way I would marry this guy.
You admit that you jumped into a relationship too fast and now you are marrying him? The man sounds like an ass.
"go ahead, I will reach into your chest grab your heart out and hand it to you.."
Seriously, why would you marry someone who would say this to your son?
He has zero respect for you. I would rather be on my own, with my son, than be with this jerk. The right guy will come along when the time is right.
Him suggesting that the wedding be called off is the smartest thing that has come out of his mouth. I would take that suggestion.
Well what's worse is that
Well what's worse is that recently my fiancé and I got into a huge fight. I said I was leaving the house. I grabbed my make up bag go leave. I was very angry! He grabbed the bag out of my hand ...yanked it... Trying to get me to stay. He SAYS he didn't know he had my fingers. I ended Up w a broken hand. 3 screws in my finger that was completely twisted and mangled and a plate in my hand. 2 hour Surgery. He says it was complete accident. I forgave him. But my ex saw my hand he doesn't believe my story that I "slammed it in the door".
My fiancé says if my ex reports him he will sue him and make him bankrupt and "ruin him@.
My aunt is the only person I
My aunt is the only person I have been confiding in and she has said the same. But she hasn't met him.
Her problem w him is that he hS demanded all along that he controls all the money. I have to give him all my paychecks and he went nuts on me when he found I was hiding some money in a separate account and giving it hk my son.
Well, your son is exhibiting
Well, your son is exhibiting some difficult to deal with behaviors, but a man who is worth it wouldn't react the way your man is reacting.
I'd be gone. Your fiance is violent. There is no reason to stay with someone who is violent.
When you have to lie about an
When you have to lie about an injury.... it's called abuse.
If you marry this idiot you deserve the life of misery that will befall you. Don't act so dumb. You are not some poor wittle helpless waif that neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds a man.
You know he's a hot head and a jerk. You know he's horrible to your son. You stand by and watch him torment and berate your CHILD!!!! You don't agree with parenting styles. He abuses you physically and verbally and emotionally. Your family hates him, and from what little you have written it sounds like for some very valid reasons.
WAKE THE F UP ALREADY!!! Call off the wedding, and GET OUT!!!!!
My fiancé says my hand was an
My fiancé says my hand was an accident. He seemed horrified but then eventually told me he felt I was dangling a carrot (my finger) in front of his face and I love to be a victim
My fiancé says my hand was an
My fiancé says my hand was an accident. He seemed horrified but then eventually told me he felt I was dangling a carrot (my finger) in front of his face and I love to be a victim Am I wrong?
^^^^ Tommar is dripping with
^^^^ Tommar is dripping with sarcasm, but it would seem that is what you want to hear, OP.
Pick your poison, none of us can help you. You are already hell bent on destruction. Destroy yourself with this jerk-wad new guy...sure. But you have NO RIGHT to be dragging your son into this. NO RIGHT.
Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself.
So on Christmas morning I
So on Christmas morning I just leave???
How do I handle this...
Hey, cut the crap. This is a
Hey, cut the crap. This is a domestic abuse victim reaching out for support. We have an opportunity to help. Try some compassion and empathy.
my fiance said My
my fiance said
My stepdaughter said the same thing. One missing tooth later. Two children removed by social services and custody removed. Now she gets four phone calls a year with kids.
You know what you have to do. Do it. You've already had a broken hand. Next time it will be worse. Call your family and have them get you away now.
Omg. I am not a troll. That
Omg. I am not a troll. That makes me feel worse. I jut wanted advice. My fiancé is hell bent about making me feel as if I am the problem. I just needed help and perspective. Thanks for giving it to me.
I will not sleep tonight worries about how to deal w this torroww. I will have to leave him if j prevent him from my son. He is already mad that I asked to have a meal w him alone. He says no loving wife choses to leave their husband on Christmas Day for that.
Interesting! All the hot
Interesting! All the hot button complaints and topics rolled into one, from the biological parent's perspective...
Your kid's a mouthy, disrespectful brat.
You let him swear? To his step dad? Nice.
Gets between you? Mouths off to all the adults?
You're sticking the kid on the man on the same level.
Sounds like a nice mini husband in the making.
If you marry this man this
If you marry this man this weekend you will have bruises by the end of Jan. And you will blame yourself because by that time he will have trained you to accept fault. By Feb your son will have bruises and his father will take custody. By March you will probably be pregnant
Id this really the road you want to travel???
Go to therapy. Figure out why your 1st marriage failed and where your part lies. Then figure out why you were with your fiance. And find the person you want to be. You can't be with someone else until you are right with yourself.
Take the time to be you before you allow someone to be around your child
When did this site become bio
When did this site become bio mom talk instead of step talk. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj
So over bio moms bitching.
When did this site become bio
When did this site become bio mom talk instead of step talk. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj
So over bio moms bitching.
When did this site become bio
When did this site become bio mom talk instead of step talk. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj
So over bio moms bitching.
That fiancé sounds angry and
That fiancé sounds angry and controlling. He sounds like he swooped in when you were in a difficult place (freshly divorced). I'll never understand women, especially those with children, who just rebound upon rebound. For the love of God, be single for a minutes find out why y'all didn't work out and what you really want in the next partner and for all that's Holy do NOT marry a guy that obviously hates your kid, causes drama with your ex, threatens violence to a child. But to each their own I guess....
If I were you I would call off the wedding. You're getting some major red flags here: threatens violence; provokes problems with your son so you will have to choose him/ex/son; brings up spending money on your kid; wants your money. I would never marry someone who kept score of how much I owe them for this dinner or that. That's not a marriage, that's a business. I would never marry someone who scared my child with such violent talk or talked down to my child with derogatory names; I would also never marry someone who's sole interest in going to my child's Exta Curricilar activities was for a chance of a fight with my Ex.....your fiancé sounds like a sick twisted psychopath that needs his bum beat one good time so he will think twice before threatening so much. If I were your Ex, I would take your son and you wouldn't see him again until you got that lunatic far away.
You know she's going to marry
You know she's going to marry him today. They always do.
sorry but the first time your
sorry but the first time your fiancee opened his mouth to insult your son should have been a HUGE RED FLAG!!
Tell the mooch to take a hike-sorrynotsorry but I could never be with somebody who hates my bio child or a person my bio child can't stand the way your son and bf are with each other.
Trust me-your so called fiancee is only going to get waaaay worse. Cut the crap and the cord-let that looser go!
I believe I have to. I told
I believe I have to. I told my fiancé that my ex won't allow him to come w me this weekend because of the "grab your heart and hand it to you" comment. So I am using that to call off the wedding.
My fiancé says "you are on your ex side! You need to be on my team and tell him too bad the kid is w me..."
He doesn't believe he will get a hearing for a protective order based on that. Is he right?
If you are calling off the
If you are calling off the wedding, and hopefully moving away from this guy, what does it matter if your ex can get a protective order against him? Unless you intend to stay in some sort of relationship with the fiancé a potential protective order by your ex for your son should not matter.
Could the ex get a protective order for your son? Depends on the jurisdiction and the judge. The ex would have a good case for supervised visits for you. You had a broken wrist and lied about what happened. If you are willing to lie for the fiancé, how can you be trusted to protect your child?
You are still listening to the fiancé if you are asking this question. Time to move and cut ties. If you are not willing to do that you will lose your son. I have no idea what the issues with your ex were, but from everything you write he is looking to protect his child. You are not.
You are treading a dangerous path. My step daughter left the abuser and then went back. She is still with him despite what she was told. She listened to him, not us, not her aunt, not social services. But the kids are not with her. Child services removed them. She now gets a maximum of four phone calls a year. Is this where you want to be with your child? If you stay with this guy the most you are going to get is supervised visits.
If you need to talk to someone, call the local abuse hotline. Talk to them, not the fiancé.
It is real. The problem is he
It is real. The problem is he can be amazing. He is typically great w my son and spoiled him rotten. But when my son insults or gets difficult he wants to win. He literally says this kid needs to know I'm 2 times his size ...he should know not to threaten me or bully me.
That's why I struggle... Because there are so many good times.
But today I am not taking my son. I am eating dinner alone w him and planning my exit.
He is not amazing. He broke
He is not amazing. He broke your hand and told you it was your fault. Amazing men do not do that.
Do not tell him you are leaving. Make your plans and leave. Call the local abuse hotline for advice on how to leave.
Almost better than General
Almost better than General Hospital. Waiting to read all about the crying, arguing and wedding...
And somebody assumed dead
And somebody assumed dead showing up at the very last minute to save the day!!
It's a soap opera wedding staple.
It's called the cycle of
It's called the cycle of abuse, google it.
If he was to beat you every day you wouldn't stay.
So their nice for a while, then they slowly turn until YOU get hurt by 'accident'. Then they nice again.
Get out and stay out. Put yourself and your son in a safe place or face losing both your son and yourself.
I told my fiancé that my ex
I told my fiancé that my ex was filing a temporary protective order (he doesn't know my plan to disappear timoorrow). He went nuts and said that I need to give him all my money because he plans to "Bury" my ex and teach him a lesson. He says he is nuts and wants me to fight like never before for him. He said I can't start until you pay me 15k though. That's the money I took from joint checking to save for my taxes next year for my business. He said he can't help until I give him that money.
Unbelievable. This man caused this problem and is now requiring me to pay him for it. And he is suggesting we have wedding tomorrow without my son!
I'm with Plums 100% Since
I'm with Plums 100%
Since your whole family hates this vall, one quick call and I'm sure the whole crew would rush over to help you pack (and give him a few kicks in the ass).
This whole storybis just hard to believe
Why is it so hard to believe?
Why is it so hard to believe? I don't understand. I'm doing THD best I can.
Because tbe whole story
Because tbe whole story sounds absolutely crazy.
Telling him everything your ex says.CRAZY
Even considering marrying a man who speaks to/treats your son this way.CRAZY
I stopped reading at " my
I stopped reading at " my fiancé wanted my paycheck " ... Ughh . Sorry you have such low self esteem to allow that kind of person around you and your son . I hope you get yourself counseling and help .
Soconfused, I'm glad to hear
Soconfused, I'm glad to hear you are planning your exit. Make it swift and don't look back...ever. You made a mistake by committing to your fiance so soon and ignoring the red warning flags. Many of us fall for Mr. Wrong when we're on the rebound. There's a whole club of us (me included) that've been a jerk magnet after a divorce or difficult relationship. It happens to the best of us. Acknowledge and learn from it then move forward. There are always the good times and honeymoon phase after the bad in these situations. Please look up the "Cycle of Abuse" and the "Domestic Violence Wheel," because it sounds like that's what you're stuck in. http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
If you have Netflix there is a great series called, "Starting Over" with Andy Stanley. It's specifically for people starting over in new relationships.
Time is your friend. No need to rush into marriage with this guy. New year, make a new life for you.
Best,
Still Learning
Soco, Since you are up
Soco,
Since you are up against a time crunch... here is my input. YOU are the problem. Your XH knows it and so does your family. They won't say it, but their comments about your asshole boy friend are actually directed at you.
So, what are you going to do. Are you going to risk losing your son to marry this petty, immature, asshole or are you going to embrace that YOU are the problem and commit to resolving your issues so that you do not put your young son through life long hell, continue to alienate your family, and put yourself in the position of eternal victim to this prick because you do not have the testicular fortitude to own that YOU are the problem and that your asshole fiance is a symptom of your own issues.
If I were your XH I would make keeping you out of my child's life my sole priority until you pull your head out of your ass and find clarity on this prick you are planning on marrying. I would have nailed you and your fiance with a protective order and put both of you in jail for this latest round of crap. What kind of immature ass gets into a tit for tat with a young child?
Merry Christmas. I hope you find clarity to avoid ruining not only your own life but the life of your child too.
Thank you so much for this
Thank you so much for this support, Raggs. I am working to be strong ...and get my head out of my ass. It's not easy. Again thank hoi for your advice.
You really are mean. I am
You really are mean. I am legit and I'm working to cope with a tough situation. I called a hotline today and got help. You really Should realize what you are doing to someone who is truly in pain.
I'm a long time lurker and
I'm a long time lurker and rarely post and I don't know if I should even say this but I also lurk over at babycenter and this poster is putting together two stories from two different posters over there and posting it as one story. Either she's a troll here or she's playing two different people over there but something is definitely not right.
Yes I posted at babycenter.
Yes I posted at babycenter. But both "stories" are me. I also posted that I got locked out and had to develop a new username. No lies. I am 1000 Legit.
What were the responses on
What were the responses on babycenter? Did they find the story unbelievable?
I am not. Troll! What do I do
I am not. Troll! What do I do to prove this?
Everyone believed me. And was
Everyone believed me. And was very supportive.
Then why are you making your
:? :? :?
Then why are you making your posts here sound like you have no idea what you should do and no one to turn to for help/advice????
I assume the posters there told you to get away from this guy and seek help for yourself. Surely you didn't expect a different response from the folks here
Well, I have done my part. I
Well, I have done my part. I at least called off the wedding. And my son is with his dad this weekend until I can get things figured out. I feel I am at least making progress. I must admit leaving is not easy. I do love him very much. But when he snaps into his difficult temper it helps me have strength.
When I told him that my ex wanted to keep my son away from me (us)...he said he would "bury" my ex if he tries anything.
So I tested him and said well if something happens...then can we hire a lawyer for me?? He said that he would do that if I give him all the money I have ...first.
He said he needs to pay bills and then we can figure that out.