PLEASE HELP
I am a SM and have been for a yr and a half and a BM for a yr. My SSons have called me Mom for the a little over two yrs. I do everything that I can for them and with them. I take them to school, get them from school, help with homework, do the cooking, take them to all doc appts. My husband has primary custody with the BM having supervised visitation. Our court order is set up in a confussing way as it is. One week BM gets both boys on Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat and Sun. The next week she only gets youngest son on Wed and Thurs. BM is court ordered to get the boys from school on her days with on of her supervisors.
There have been problems with BM at the school with this. She has shown up several times alone to get boys. The schools do not let the boys go with her and the schools call me to come pick up boys. Now, BM cannot get her supervisors to go with her to get boys so she is sending them home on school bus everyday.
I do not have any problems getting boys off bus everyday. The problem is BM is demanding me to meet her when she wants. She does this thru text messages to BD even though she knows he is at work cannot always check his phone. Some days she only gives me 20 minutes notice on meet time and place. My husband and I both feel that this wrong. Together we have a shared partnership with our household and children. He wants to tell her that we will no longer cater to her and her needs. This is about what is best for the boys. And if she cannot make proper arraignments to get the boys from school then we will continue to get them off the bus, do homework, feed them, make sure they get showers, and give them their medication. And then let her know that she has two choices: if she wants to get the boys on her days then she will have to start meeting us on our time and our place of choice not hers -OR- she can forfit her days with the boys during the week of she does not want to meet on our time and our meet place.
Although I do completely agree with my husband on this, I am worried about the boys. I know that this will make BM irate and she will argue with evderything BD says and then when she does not get her way she truns her anger out on the boys.
I need some suggestions on what might be the best way for me and BD to handle this situation. :?
Have you considered changing
Have you considered changing the custody agreement? It is set up so that if circumstances change and the agreement is no longer practical, you can go to mediation for free and change it to something more practical to your current life schedule, circumstances, etc. That is really confusing and must be extremely stressful to manage.
If your stepsons weren't in school or were much younger when the custody papers were written, you would have a very strong case for changing it to better suit their current needs, your needs and bm's needs.
yeah, you need to get the co
yeah, you need to get the co changed. you can't just go against the order on your own free will. it's the judge's job to tell her she is going to forfeit the boys on those days when she acts up, not yours or your husband's. you can be held in contempt for this.
How can we be in contempt
How can we be in contempt when she is ordered to get the boys from school on her days but instead of getting them from school, she sends them home to me and then expects me to drop everything for her? I don't understand how we could be wrong in this.
Since BM is ALREADY in
Since BM is ALREADY in contempt because she's not getting the boys from school with her supervisor, you're not going to be in any worse shape if you have her meet you at time and place of your choosing. I agree you should get the CO changed, but in the meantime: YES, definitely do what your H wants to do and tell her, you meet me when and where I say, or you don't see your kid that day.
What's best for your kids is a minimum of drama. Here, you will get a little short-term drama for a long-term BM knowing she can't wrap you around her little finger. As long as you are being fair, it's ALWAYS a good idea to establish clear boundaries and force her to stick to them.
UCSM (BB)
"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin
File a request to change the
File a request to change the order to reflect reality and use as the logic the facts of what is already happening.
This Mom can't handle this and its time she be limited in her visitation to what she can handle. She need to concentrate on her own life.
If Dad carefully documents her failings I think he'll have a very good chance of getting sole custody with limited visitation on her part. Its important for everybody involved that stability be introduced. You cannot be on-call all the time.
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It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.