I was wondering if anybody else catches flack from their SO for what is perceived as preferential treatment of one step-child over another. My soon to be step-daughter (9) is easy as pie. She is calm, quiet, respectful and well mannered. She is always quick with hugs and "I love you".
Soon to be step-son has been diagnosed with ADHD, expressive language disorder and anxiety. Despite his language issues he never...shuts...up... Like ever. You cannot have a conversation for 10 seconds with anyone (including him) without him interrupting. He is also full of energy and engages in what I believe is attention seeking behavior (if he stubs his toe, he acts like he got shot, if he doesn't like dinner, he makes gagging and retching noises until he literally throws up).
SO looks at his daughter and sees his ex-wife. SO also believes that in ex-wife's house, ex wife and SD "gang up" on SS, and that ex-wife and her family give SD more positive attention than they give to SS. SO tries to compensate by pretty much ignoring SD when they are with us in favor of SS and expects me to follow suit. SO identifies more closely with his son, and because of his "issues" never holds him responsible for his behavior and expects everyone else to give him a free pass too.
I don't think that either kid is entitled to more or less attention than the other, but I admit that if given a choice, I would take SD over SS every day of the week. So, I probably do gravitate to to her more. Sometimes it is all I can do just to be in the same room as SS without screaming at him to shut up and sit still.