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Pissed off sitting in Walmart to cool off. Opinions need it

MelissaVT's picture

I Dread when the step brats are over. The week nights I can All right but the weekends are awful. Since we have these monsters 50/50 it’s hard to be out with friends or doing something else when they are over. Plus I don’t fully trust them in my house without my watchful eye. They are the Rudest disrespectful mouthest brats I’ve ever encountered. The only time DH and I fight is over these brats and his or lack of Parenting skills. 

DH is notorious for not “hearing” the Step brats when they are being rude to me when I Finally blow and ask him to back me. The brats can be talking back to me in the SAME room as DH and he just Ignores it. When I Finally say to him don’t you hear how the kids are talking to me he says he was not paying attention. Then he Makes a big sigh like I’m inconveniencing him and tells the kids to knock it off which then they Ignore or talk back to him. 

Im so Frustrated. Is he really so preoccupied that he can’t hear the kids rudely talking back to me? 

 

Indigo's picture

It's real. Someone really isn't even trying to participate & filters everything disageeable out. Only their narrative plays ...

Consider screaming babies in public places & tantruming toddlers throwing themselves on the floor of restaurants.  Do the parent's not hear them ? Are the parent's that accustomed to chaos?  I think they tune the situation out & likely will remember a completely different experience with a child who fussed mildly & settled quickly.

 

MrsStepMom's picture

Ugh my husband does this too. Then if I point it out to him in the moment he is annoyed with me for “bitching” and it looks like he didn’t care to begin with and is only saying something because i want him to. That shows SS it’s just ME who thinks the behavior is wrong and fuels his hate of me. It’s all bullshit. 

MelissaVT's picture

Also IMO DH knows step brats will flip out and turn on him if he supports/backs me. It’s the same bullshit with Psycho BM. It’s part daddy guilt part lazy and part does not want to deal with the results of standing up to the brats. So DH would rather play dumb than have to deal with it. Funny he has NO problem pushing back on me. If I knew then what I know know I would have ran far far away and never look back 

shamds's picture

mortgage? Because if you do i think when skids are this rude you should demand rhey leave the house and stay in the backyard till they are ready to apologise. If its 10pm at night and they still refuse, they can wait out in the backyard.

normally i’m all for that your husband needs to parent his kids but in this case when skids are being little arseholes, rude and disrespectful, i’m fine to tell them off because they need to know they can’t treat people like this.

if hubby goes outside to ket skids in when they have not behaved/apologised, you tell hubby they go right back out, he needs to support and back you up.

you should not ever need to leave your house to escape them, they should be leaving the house in time out

MelissaVT's picture

And split ALL Expenses 50-50. Telling the kids off??? That would get me Physically attacked by the little monsters. If I just ask them nicely to do something like stop bothering the dog when she’s trying to sleep I get a rude Sarcastic comment back. Can’t even Imagine what they would do if I Tried to discipline them. Yes I’m in a bad spot and just hoping it will get better. The older one was a pain in the ass and still is but it got better when she got a boyfriend. Better because she’s never around. Guess I’m hoping the same will happen to the other brat

shamds's picture

And they get smart ass and cerbally abusive and swearing and you tell them they have time out in the backyard until they can apologise, and they get physical, call the cops!!

if hubby tries to justify them, then he’s an arsehole!! He should not ever let them behave that way to you because he is enabling, encouraging this behaviour and acknowledging its perfectly ok when he should be protecting you from it

I cannot see how you can ever be happy in this situation and totally feel how miserable you are. My ss20 even guilted hubby when he was emotionally abusing us and making excuses to treat us disrespectfully and like we were invisible and told hubby off if he wanted as to run away. I told hubby if ss ever got physical i would call the cops if he ever threatened me as no way will i be talked to that way in my own home

hun you need to stand up for yourself. Screw your husband if he would try guilting you to shut the hell up. He has no respect for you 1 bit... call the cops and ask they remove that abusive kid, maybe a day in jail will kick some common sense into him. If he comes out of lock up the next day and comes home abusive and without apologising, he is asked to leave. If he comes straight home abusive, cops are called again and you get a restraining order

MelissaVT's picture

for stealing and refusing rudely(swearing) to tell us where she hid the stuff. Well SD ran out of the house and called BM to come rescue her before the police came. Of course SD LIED about what happened. Said DH hit her and I was screaming at her. Complete lies. Well BM flipped out and reported it CPS and got a Restraining order on DH. CPS came and of course found it Unfounded once we explained what really happened. The bullshit family court on the other hand dragged out the Restaining order and made DH feel like a Disgusting horrible monster for calling the police on his poor Minor child. Rotten SD got nothing but Sympathy. Yes it was that bad. 

shamds's picture

4 years plus i put up with this bullshit and hubby every now and then would claim oh ss is getting better and maturing and i’m like are you high? He is still the same rude, disrespectful, abusive individual as before, he answers back and has an excuse for everything and thats so disrespectful to hubby and me. It never ever got better and progressively got worse

eventually i told my husband that all the hard work i do to raise our kids to be good individuals with positive behaviour is worthless when skids are allowed to behave the way they do without repercussions. I had to put it in perspective for my husband that he had fuc#ed up the 1st 3 and now he wants to repeat the cycle of dysfunction which was never his intention and that woke him up. 

I kept pushing hubby for the changes and got to a point telling my dad this is it, i want a divorce and my dad said hubby he is a good person he is just so conflicted and been manipulated ever since marrying ex that this has become normal for him. I had to risk asking for a divorce to just show hubby how serious it was. Nobody deserves that unhappiness and disharmony and skids do it purely because they can and thats their normal.

for me any relationship with skids is non existent, i won’t go for any outings or family events with them. My husband has even said he wants to move overseas to my country because of the extent of pas and dysfunction that the skids are so brainwashed by bio mum its just a headache for him to deal with. I always tell my husband you need to take responsibility for the screwing up. Do the best you can now...

please hun, stand up for yourself with a firm no!! When skids shout at you, verbally abuse you and you tell them not to ever speak to you that way again and they swear at you, tell them to leave the house and go to backyard for time out. If they start swearing at you more or laughing etc, call the cops

you shouldn’t be splitting the bills 50/50, tell hubby that your portion will be lesser because of skids. Since he isn’t  willing to address their behaviour and disrespect at home of you, hubby can pay more

tankh21's picture

How old are these kids because I mean if a kid got physical with an adult for trying to teach them some respect then the parent needs to do something about that. That is just nuts!

blayze's picture

Yes, he can hear it. He’s just embarrassed about his kid’s behavior and doesn’t want you to notice how sucky his kids are, and by extension, how sucky he is as a parent. When you point it out (because you can’t help noticing and you’re rightfully appalled by all of it), he gets mad at YOU for speaking the truth- which calls attention to his failure and demands that he do something about it. This is the problem with most lackadaisical parents... they know deep down that their kids are horrible, and that it’s their fault, so they are sensitive. I think if a parent knows their kid is a jerk, and it’s because of biology or whatever, they won’t get sensitive if you point it out... they would just say, “Yeah, I’ve tried xyz with the kid but they have their mother’s genes.” A truly rational person would be able to look at their kids objectively... people who can’t see their children as separate beings, refuse to acknowledge the causes of their child’s behavior, or refuse to evaluate their children objectively, aren’t worth getting involved with because you’ll end up miserable. 

Cover1W's picture

I had this problem, not to the extent you do though, with OSD and DH. He's got Amazing selective hearing. I gave up on waiting for his help. So I either totally ignored the comments (like no reaction, no hesitation, nothing), said back logic - well if you think that way good luck with it in the real world, or if she was particularly bad I wouldn't participate if she was involved - went hard disengaged. It saved my sanity.

tankh21's picture

This all sounds too familiar to me as well...I just disengaged for the most part but if the skids are rude to me I am rude to them right back because I am not going to let a brat disrespect me. I do leave my house a lot too because I don't want to deal with my DH not parenting the skids however, I will stand up for myself if one of them was disrespecting my in my home where I help pay bills! I hope you finally disengage OP and find some peace.

Rags's picture

Selective hearing.  He hears what he wants to hear, and does not hear anything that violates his delusions regarding his spawn.

CLove's picture

I recently told DH that Munchkin described her older sister as controlling, and having treated her like a slave rather than taking care of her. That used to drive me nuts,a s I watched it happen. DH, on the other hand saw nothing. Sais it never happened. Of course he didnt see anything because he is always sitting in his man cave/garage! He never saw the disrespect either, because Fral SD20 when she was living with us, wouldnt do it in front of him. I had to completely disengage, which really helped.

I think that your situation is beyond disengaging however. He is in major denial because he cannot handle it. His spawn are horrible humans, and he cannot handle it.

Them being rude and stealing must be addressed. since you co own and split expenses (we do as well), it is more difficult to separate. But perhaps giving him a choice - to deal with it or you are gone is the only way to make changes at this point.