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Paying for extra expenses; help?

Thatonegirl's picture

So MIL asked me to purchase Mickey mouse plates for SS's birthday party next month. This isn't a problem, considering that BM and MIL are purchasing food and entertainment for roughly 100 people. Now, as most of you know those plates are not cheap. I've found a website that has them discounted though about 50% and am very willing to purchase them, even though I'm not ecstatic about attending the party. But BM has asked FH to pay for the bounce house, which is about 150 for the day. It's cheaper to pay for the plates, but I don't know how to go about paying for just one of the two items, and obviously we want to purchase the cheaper, considering finances are tight this month. I've asked FH to speak to BM about it since I do not communicate with her at all, but of course he hasn't. I want to ask MIL but I'm tired of her being involved in everything. How should I go about this? I do not want to pay for that bounce house AND all of these dumb plates.

stepmisery's picture

Is your money separate from his? If not, this might be a good time to start.

If Dad is willing to pay the money for his kid's big fancy birthday party, it really just needs to come out of his available income and not yours. Otherwise, yanno, everyone has to learn to live within their budget.

Thatonegirl's picture

Our finances aren't separated. His salary pays for literally everything in our life. I work so I can have friends and get out of the house, plus the extra money goes to things like outings and vacations. The only reason money is tight right now is because we are saving for our wedding, and I'd really like to keep BM and skid out of that fund. And it's not that we are unwilling to pay for something, I just don't want to foot the bill and her sit around with her CS and not use it.

stepmisery's picture

I'm not onboard with these over the top bday parties for little kids but if that's what the parents want to do, that is certainly their perogative. I'm also not onboard with Dad not contributing his fair share to the party - it is an extra expense beyond CS - because of saving for a wedding.

If Dad does not agree with this kind of party, that's ok. The parents need to work together or else do separate things. Either option is fine. But if they are both participating in this party then Dad needs to contribute his fair share.

Just gonna say - you are moving into a difficult financial situation in life by him supporting you and you not financially contributing much. You will most likely find that he feels he can spend whatever he wants on his kid and you have no real say-so in it. That's something you should really iron out prior to marriage.

Thatonegirl's picture

It is over the top. I completely agree, but everyone feeds into her crazy, so she goes over the top.
I'm excited to see if MIL offers to pay and host for our future children's birthday parties in the future.. But I don't know 100 people that I would honestly like to invite.

Anyone down for a party in Orlando? We can even get a bounce house! It can be a SM retreat of sorts.

smartone's picture

I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ask my exh to help pay for any of my kids' parties. I receive child support and if it can't pay for what they want, they don't get it. I have even given my kids a big Christmas gift and put my exh's name on it, because essentially, cs helped pay for it. A child young enough for a bounce house shouldn't be having a party with 100 people, imo.

smdh's picture

My general rule with paying for stuff is - if I'm not planning it or being included in the decision making, I'm not paying for it. In cases where I deem it appropriate that dh should help with an expense, we come up with an acceptable amount (together) and that is what we contribute. We don't do shared events with McCrazy so it isn't an issue yet, but it will be when it comes prom time, wedding time, etc. McCrazy will want to call all the shots and plan her "daughter's dreams" and expect us to foot the bill and that is not happening. We will determine an acceptable amount for a prom dress and if SD and her mother pick out something retarded over the top, we will give what we planned on giving. Same with the wedding.

Orange County Ca's picture

I assume MIL and BM are not communicating with each other on these two requests. It's up to Daddy to deal with both of them and either pay or refuse as he can afford. Since you're in contact with MIL ask her to contact him regarding this issue.