Why won’t parents be parents and stop turning a blind eye???

I sometimes feel bad for SD15 and pissed off at BM and DH for the train wreck they have created. She would benefit from counseling tremendously, I think. But, I’ve suggested that before and I am not suggesting it again because….THANK GOD….I am disengaging from parenting her….woohoo!!!

SD remembers BM having a “friend” living in the basement while daddy was out to sea. She remembers mommy spending a lot of time with him. Yes boys and girls…you’re thinking correctly. A few years later, within a few months of being stationed here BM leaves DH for her current husband and moves right in with him.

Since the divorce SD has been taught that the world revolves around her and no one else. She has been included in what should only be adult decisions, been allowed a say in things she shouldn’t have a say in, etc.

5 years ago the SF left the BM for another woman. SD and BM had to move out because he was moving in the new woman and her kids. Bm told SD EVERYTHING that was going on, SF was badmouthed to no end in front of SD. (Granted, he was not in the right, but SD didn’t need to be exposed to it). SD was struggling badly so I suggested she write a letter to express her feelings to him, just to get them out. We weren’t going to mail it. It seemed to help. Couple months go by, SF & BM decide to try again. He moves the other woman out and i BM and SD come back. The move back in stressed SD out because 1) she knew what had happened to cause the break-up and 2) BM made sure SF knew everything that SD said about him, and SD knew it, so she felt uncomfortable around him.

About 2 years ago BM leaves SF for a 21 year old boyfriend she has had for a couple months….one that she took along with her and SD for a birthday trip for SD…and one that she made SD keep a secret from DH. She and SD leave and move in with 21 year old boyfriend. This time we were told that the prime reason for the split was because SD told her mom that she didn’t like SF and if BM stayed with him, she was moving in with me and DH. SF is told this is the reason, that SD hates the way he acts and the way he treats everyone. Fast forward a couple months…BM misses her husband and they move back in. SD is upset because, once again, SF knows everything she said about him, etc. SD seems proud that she caused that…and still mentions how she is so important to BM that she broke up with her husband because SD wanted her to.

Later that same year comes another whammy. BM’s husband was previously married to a woman with whom he had children. This woman had a child from a previous relationship plus she remarried and had a child with her third husband. She decided to leave her husband and he decided that wasn’t going to happen . He murdered her, then killed himself. So, the child is left parentless. Nobody in his family steps up to take him in. BM and her husband take the boy in so that he can live with his half-sisters (whom BM’s hubby had primary custody of). Part and parcel of the young boy moving in, the 21 year old, sibling (the one from the relationship before Bm’s hubby) moves in too. The oldest sibling isn’t there so much anymore, but stays once in a while. So, SD’s household now consists of her mom, her stepdad, her two step-siblings, the 21 year old half sister to the step-siblings (who is not related to the stepdad) and the 7 year old half brother of the step-siblings (who is also not related to the stepdad). This is in addition to the frequent drinking, parties, and multitudes of other people who are there constantly. No wonder the girl is screwed up!

As always though, it’s all about her in her head…even though her siblings have gone through something so terrible. She has made it plain and clear that she resents not being the baby of the family anymore, and despises the fact that her SF misses HER games in order to take the little boy to his practices and games. She hates the fact that SF does things with the little boy that he had never done with her.

Do her parents put her in the counseling she so desperately needs? Nope, because that would be admitting that there is a problem. DH has asked numerous times for he and BM to have her talk to someone, but BM refuses or doesn’t think it’s necessary. He is now talking about just doing it without BM’s approval, but needs to look at the CO to see if he would be violating anything by not getting BM’s permission.

At one point I would have supported DH in the effort to get custody of SD...but not anymore. I say keep here where the hell she is.