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Parenting coordinator?

Cookieboom's picture

BM just asked for a parenting coordinator.  I smell a rat, I think she will use this person to get back into our lives.  What do you all think?

Survivingstephell's picture

Is her lawyer famous for running up his billing?  Lots of family law lawyers are like that.  Promise the sun and achieve nothing and leave you broke.   She's quite the puppet master isn't she?  I can't help but ask is he worth all this drama?   

Cookieboom's picture

Don't know why, she out of the blue asked this (court reconvened until March) things have been going good with SS and visiting.  They coparent via email.  Things have been good since they don't speak,  I think it's a way for her to get back into our lives and dictate what happens in Bf's home.  I don't jlhave experience with a parenting coordinator so I am looking for advice as to what it would be used for, would it be BM/BF in same room? 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

No personal experience with a coordinator, but at one time DH looked into one. In our area a coordinator is used if the parents absolutely cannot get along - each parent would communicate w/the coordinator instead of each other. The coordinator would basically act as a go between and settle any disputes. It is an on-going role - not like mediation where everyone gets in a room together and works things out one time. It can really be expensive, depending on how much conflict there is and how much coordinating would actually have to be done. It seems odd your BM would want one now - unless she just wants to make DH pay for something to be difficult.

Cookieboom's picture

This just came out of the blue, so we don't know what her angle is.  She keeps insisting that SS found photos of us doing the deed which is total BS....

ESMOD's picture

I would have his lawyer advise that he sees no reason for a parental coordinator.  He could alternately suggest OFW as the primary means of communication between the parents.... to avoid having to directly communicate in person etc.. and to create an official record of communications.  

 

Cookieboom's picture

has refused OFW, but they communicate via email.  She has no contact other than that and I think she up to no good.....

ESMOD's picture

I would just simply state that he doesn't want it and has already offered OFW... 

I would need to see a much more fleshed out request as to WHY she feels it is necessary and what benefit it will provide the child.

and the same old tired.. kid found pictures.. stuff.  Ok.. so that is actually an issue related to the CHILD's behavior right?  they need to not snoop.

Cookieboom's picture

She now has FOUR different stories about these photos.  TWO different stories in court, ONE different story to the cops, and now this....

Cookieboom's picture

A Parenting Coordinator is:

A neutral third party who helps separated or divorced parents, who are caught in high conflict, resolve child-related disputes privately and out of court. MWI’s clients can be court ordered or parents can elect to utilize a parent coordinator. A Parenting Coordinator may assist parents in developing and/or implementing a parenting plan and/or discussing and making decisions on topics that relate to the well-being of a child or children. Topics may include:

  • Changing or clarifying an existing parenting plan;
  • Developing strategies to reduce co-parent conflict;
  • Providing information and best practice for child related topics;
  • Creating communication guidelines;
  • Improving drop off and/or pick up;
  • Lessons and activities;
  • Travel;
  • Communication between the non-custodial parent and the child or children;
  • New partners or significant others;
  • Mental health care, including assessments and choosing providers;
  • Religious observance and education;
  • Providing resources and tools.

Understanding the Role of a Parenting Coordinator:  Each MWI parenting coordinator starts by serving as a facilitator and mediator. If agreement is not reached, the MWI parent coordinator will act as arbitrator.

After new clients agree to use MWI, parents may meet individually and/or together with a parent coordinator over the phone. Subsequent communication may take place via phone and/or email in addition to, or instead of, face-to-face meetings. On occasion, the parenting coordinator may also speak with the children or other professionals to gather the information necessary to understand the family and the issues. Written minutes and/or decisions are generally sent to the parties. If either of the parties is unhappy with that decision, the issue may be able to be brought before a judge. However, until a court order dictates otherwise, the decision of the parenting coordinator is binding on the parties by virtue of either the signed Parent Coordinator Agreement, stipulation of the parties, or court order.

Payment for Parent Coordinator Services: Most often the Parent Coordinator fees are split evenly between the parties. The parties may decide to share fees differently or a court may make a determination. 

Notice it reads that the parents meet in person or on phone......Like I said, She's up to no good!  She is trying to insert herself back into our lives!!!

Cookieboom's picture

Thanks to her.  When she came back after leaving with her married boyfriend (who went back to his wife) she turned SS against me and he refuses to have anything to do with me,  BM has been trying to get info on us but can't since SS no longer has the inside scoop.

Cookieboom's picture

Are in custody battle she says SS hates him/me and wants nothing to do with BF, SS says otherwise.  She wants full custody with no visitation until BF "leaves that skank" that would be me.....

Cookieboom's picture

I hope not! I already told BF that if I get court ordered to meet BM (that's her new web of bs) or ordered to meet the coordinator I AM DONE! He didn't like that much.....

Ispofacto's picture

She wants someone to micromange your household on her behalf.  That would be a dealbreaker for me, I would go to prison before I would agree to that.

Same to meeting with her.  Mediation.

If you had the stomach for it, you could use it against her.  Make her pay for at least half of it and then demonstrate that she won't reciprocate with allowing her own house to be micromanaged.  But really no one has time for stupid drama like that.  Once it's there, it may be impossible to get rid of.

Just No.