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O/T: At what age?

Mommy22's picture

This is kind of off topic, but I’m just curious of others opinions to see if/how much they differ from mine... my blended family has me questioning my sanity on the daily! Lol

First question, at what age do you guys feel a child should be able to lie down in their bed for bed time by themselves, without a parent having to go lay with them to “get them asleep”?

Second question; at what age is it inappropriate for a child (female) to be going around the home naked, wearing panties and bra only?

Again, just wanting some others opinions to see how “off” I am in my thoughts/beliefs. Thanks you guys for your input!

STaround's picture

Any girl old enough to wear a bra should have been told not to walk around like years age.

As to sleeping, all kids are different, but if this is the kid wearing a bra, she should be old enough

Mommy22's picture

 for your reply. It is more of a training bra type, but still... 

i agree, all kids are different. 

SteppedOut's picture

I went and peeked at some of your other posts, in addition to this one.

Your SO allows and says you deserve the abuse from your sd. (She has kicked you in the stomach when pregnant!!!). Your problems are much larger than sd walking around in a training bra and having dadeeee lay down with her to sleep.

IMHO this is an unhealthy enviornment. Period. Dot. 

Mommy22's picture

I agree, much bigger problems.... Thank you for taking the time to read my other posts; we have since moved out. I’ve just seen things and all along I’ve thought “this isn’t right,” “something is wrong with this;” but as I said, they have me questioning my sanity... I’m glad I can ask questions and get unbiased feedback on this site. Thanks for your response. 

SteppedOut's picture

I am glad you moved out! 

You are definitely not crazy, though I am sure your SO tries to make you feel that way. 

Are you still in a relationship with your SO? Is he trying to talk you into moving back.

Mommy22's picture

SO, and his family, do things and I’m like “what?! This is not normal!”. I think, how on earth could they not know??!!! 

Yes, we are still in a relationship. He is not. He says he doesn’t like it, but he knows I’ve made my decision and there’s no turning back or changing my mind (his words). We have spent the night at his home twice in the past week and he has came to my home to visit. So far, I feel it’s working out and I feel TONS better. 

Lndsy747's picture

I don't think it should ever be necessary to lay with kids until they fall asleep. I met my SD when she was 6 and we never had to and my daughter is almost 2 and goes to sleep in her own. There are times where she's sick or not wanting to fall asleep where we've done it but never as a regular thing.

As for the running around in underwear I think that's mostly a toddler thing. I think kids should feel comfortable with their bodies and I don't think it should be made into a shameful thing to be naked but it shouldn't be something that's a regular occurrence. 

Mommy22's picture

3 year old also goes to sleep on his own, and has since he was 2. 

And I agree, absolutely feel comfortable in your own skin (I wish I did); but yes, after toddlerhood it’s kind of strange for an older child to be running around not clothed. 

Maxwell09's picture

Sleeping alone: 2 or once transitioned from a crib to a toddler bed. If they are big enough to get out of bed by themselves in the morning then they are also old enough to get in the bed by themselves

Wearing underwear around the house: once potty trained, kids should wear clothes if there are steps in the house. 

Mommy22's picture

a good way to look at it; old enough to get out, old enough to get in. 

Thank you

ndc's picture

A child raised not to sleep with the parent should always be able to go to sleep without the parent.  But I would say a 2 year old should be able to go to bed without a parent lying beside them.  My SO was allowing his kids to sleep with him when we first met, and I put an immediate stop to that once we were spending the night together. His little one was less than 2 at the time.  It helped that he had her sleep with her sister (then 4) for the first couple weeks, but then she was just fine going to sleep in her own bed.  It takes consistency.

I agree that a girl old enough to wear a bra (even a training bra) should not be walking around in her underwear.   We don't allow SD6 to be outside of her room or the bathroom in just her underwear and frankly, she doesn't want to be.

Mommy22's picture

consistency is key. I think it’s also part of fostering independence. 

I can agree with that. I’m not sure why she wants to be naked in front of the household. It’s all so strange to me that no one see’s a problem with it, besides myself!

FuriousStepmum's picture

I don't see the harm in kids running around in their undies, my stepdaughter did it until she was about 8 or 9 - when she started to develop breast buds, she always wore a shirt and undies.

If we were having visitors we always made her get dressed properly.

 

As for falling asleep, they really should be doing that on their own pretty early on as babies, unless they've been raised to co-sleep.

sunshinex's picture

We started teaching my stepdaughter privacy with her body around 5 years old. We expect her to be dressed when she's outside of her room/the bathroom. She's fine to wear a towel to-and-from the shower/her bedroom to get dressed but that will stop soon too. She's 7 now and pretty good about it. 

I co-sleep with my 16-month-old son and he's still rocked to sleep but we're working on finding other ways for him to fall asleep. I am okay with laying beside him to fall asleep until he's 6 or so. After that, I'd prefer to read him a book or sing him a song and leave the room, but I'll follow his lead. That's just my preference though. 

SD has been going to sleep on her own since 18 months or so. We do believe DH's family sleep-trained her, though, as he was working all the time when she was young and BM left around 9 months old. We don't personally believe in sleep-training. I'm open to tips to get my son falling asleep on his own without sleep training LOL. 

shamds's picture

Master ensuite is upstairs. We have a cot that’s converted into a toddler bed where 1 side railing was removed and pushed up against side of bed where i sleep on. My daughter was 16.5 months old when my son was born and they’re very affectionate and my daughter always wants to fall asleep between me and hubby but she falls asleep on her own, she doesn’t need us to cuddle or pat her to sleep. My son falls asleep on my stomach but there have been a few times where he’ll be watching an episode of sofia the first with his sister together in the cot/toddler bed and fall asleep if really exhausted

i hope or expect by the time they’re starting kindergarten or pre primary that they’d be in their own bed. Also if 2-3 yr olds can wear clothes, it’s inappropriate for a child/young teen to be walking in underwear/training bras. If it were a heatwave i’d get it but you’re trying to teach your child modesty in front of others. What happens if inlaws/friends come and she’s walking in training bras and underwear, its very rude and inappropriate 

i can’t believe your sd actually kicked you in stomach while pregnant and your partner/expartner did nothing?