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OT: Friends with relationship problems

futurobrillante99's picture

One friend is in a "step-type" relationship, the other is not.

Friend A I have known since high school. She is a lesbian and met "The One" about 6 months ago. Their relationship look to be a solid one, but my friend, after sharing her relationship history with "The One" proceeded to tell the love of her life that she was meeting a friend for drinks/dinner one night while the girlfriend was in class. Later the GF asked who my friend had met and it turned out it was a former lover from 20 years ago that the GF had already expressed her discomfort with. Weeeeeelllll, GF blew a gasket, said my friend was being sneaky and she wasn't sticking around until my friend cheated on her. My friend A is a hot mess. I told her flat out that if my DH did the same, I would also blow a gasket, but I don't think it's a relationship-ender. It seems GF has a history with a serial cheater ex-GF. GF claims her past has been dealt with, but it seems not.

Friend B is dating a man she thinks is "The One." He has been separated for a while now, but is not divorced. He has 2 sons, 18 and 13. His STBex is planning to move to CT with the lover she cheated with, AND is taking the 13 year old. Naturally, the dad is quite upset and was ranting a few days ago about the STBex. He typically, according to my friend B, hasn't a kind word for her, but said that the guys she's with is only with her for the (I quote) "First class pu$$y." My friend was blown away thinking "WTF." She finally brought it up to him and told him how she felt. He did not respond well.

The lesson here is that men often say the stupidest things and gay couples have similar relationship issues. My closest friends are all having really big issues right about now and it's hard trying to be there for them all. Aside from the two with relationship issues, my other two friends each have a family member battling/dying from cancer.

I'm tired. LOL

At least, with my relationship in a good place, I have the time to tend to my friends.

Just1question's picture

Sounds complicated! I’d be pissed too if my DH referred to his ex as “ first class pu$$y”. Sounds like he’s a little jealous that she’s moving on. Friend A needs to take a breather. Trust and commitment, a 20 year ago relationship..I wouldn’t like that either, but like you said-not a relationship ender (for me).

futurobrillante99's picture

Thanks Just1. I've been trying to get Friend A to stop sending mega-texts to GF and let it sit a bit. She cannot seem to stop herself and they keep rehashing the incident. SMDH!!

Friend B is also taking a step back because her BF is focused on being RIGHT and not considering her feelings in light of his remark. She even tried giving him the hypothetical of how would he like it if she was venting about her ex and saying his new lover only wanted him for his first class (rock hard) d*ck (BF has ED issues).

Just1question's picture

Haha! Maybe he has ED issues because he doesn’t have the first class pu$$y to make him do the rock-a-willy dance! (Kidding of course) Biggrin he’d feel terrible!! That’s just not something you say to your SO lol he crossed a line for sure. Maybe SO Is a bit too controlling. And friend A. Ahhh, if her GF is willing to negotiate then maybe they can work one thing out. But trust had to be a foundation. I’d like to think that Im comfortable with my DH having a “friendly” dinner with an old ex-but I know I’d be pissed. Haha-but definitely have to let it go. Maybe you should become a relationship councelor since you get tons of practice lol

TwoOfUs's picture

What's the difference between first-class p**** and second-class p****? Inquiring minds want to know...

futurobrillante99's picture

That is the burning question in my mind. I even asked my DH and he wondered the same. "What is first class p****?"

I think my friend wants to know, too, because her BF said their sex life was pretty terrible.

futurobrillante99's picture

Bahahahaha!!!! Too dang funny. Thanks for cracking me up this morning.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Eh, I view Friend A GF no differently than anyone on here who refuses to date someone with kids, or who breaks up at the first sign that things are aloof. Friend A did something she knew GF didn't like, and GF showed her the door. It sucks, but I can't blame GF for doing it, either.

As for the other...thing. Uhhh, I want to hope that the guy was just trying to be crude and didn't think about the implications about what he was saying because he just said it versus thinking about it. I don't know if I would be offended just by the comment, but my face would contort into an interesting mix of "ew", "WTF", and "huh?"

futurobrillante99's picture

I agree on Friend A. Friend A's GF has two adult children from a previous relationship but they are not her biological children. My friend A resented that her GF called them HER children. I tried to explain to my friend that if the GF helped raise those kids, she might very well be a full parent to them in her eyes and the kids' eyes. I can see it from both points of view. I would resent my DH playing father to kids who were not his biologically, but it's not totally unlike having adopted children. Complicated.

I don't think Friend B's boyfriend was thinking, but when he said it, it should have been immediately qualified with how awesome her p**** is and an apology given. All I can say is that I do not want to hear a single word about any other p**** my DH has encountered before he encountered mine. I realize BM gave him 4 children, but I really don't care to know the quality of her p**** or any other thing about it.

JustGettingUsedToThis's picture

My best friend was getting married while I was having my second child. Then I divorced and she was there for me to the best of her ability.

Come to find out, almost ten years later, he has started hitting her. I spent my Saturday at her house trying to convince her to bring herself and her children to my house so that her husband could come home and gather his stuff to move out.

I desperately didn't want this for her. I don't wish divorce and custody battles on anyone. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this man who I came to love as a friend has actually been hitting his wife. I'm devastated for her but I really think divorce might be the best option.

Just1question's picture

Why, 10 years later has he started this behavior? Has he escalated from mental/verbal abuse to physical abuse? He has probably been physical for a while, but more subtle and is now more aggressive. I think she should leave. Physical abuse (any abuse) is never okay and it rarely goes away. My mom was abused by my exSD and it never got better, only worse. He would apologize and but her things to make up for it, but then turn around and do it again. She needs to get out-get out soon before the kids pick up on that behavior and become spawns of their father.