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Opinions for an off the subject matter

betterman's picture

Okay ladies and gents, need a little advice and or opinions.


What are some boundaries?
What is not appropriate?
What would you be concerned with if your husband/spouse was on it?

Any and all opinions are welcomed with any related topic or
situations involving "other relationships" within a marriage.

Friends (same sex and opposite sex)
Co-workers (same sex and opposite sex)
Co-worker "friends" (same sex or opposite sex)

Sorry to get off the main step-talk subject matter, Just really curious.
I have been reading a lot on this site and everyone has impressed me.

northernsiren's picture

I have both a facebook and a myspace page, a decent amount of members here to as well. Of the two, facebook is more private, more geared towards people you actually know instead of social networking. You can keep the whole thing extremely private if you want. Myspace is more social, meeting new people, joining groups. I'm an artist, so I use myspace and it has gotten my jobs and gallery shows. I also use facebook to reconnect with old friends.
On both sites I have
Coworker friends
and yes, even my exhusband. I hardly ever talk to him. It's just a gesture of peace really, more than anything else.

My FH is not thrilled with the last one, but he's got his ex girlfriends on his myspace page, so he can't really give me a hard time.

I have 75 friends on facebook, 360 on myspace, and FH has over a thousand on myspace, so really, he's not one to talk. I check FH's myspace page frequently, (often leave him little love comments) and if anyone has said anything inappropriate, I confront him about it. We had a big fight over one girl who I KNOW wanted to get with him, and him insisting she was a friend only, and him having her on his top friends. I won, she's gone, and since she got "demoted" she stopped posting on his page, LOL....

There's a basic level of trust and respect. His page says he's married, and his daughter and I are his #1/#2 friends. He should not be having sexual conversations with women, nor should they be posting suggestive stuff on his page. #1 it's disrespectful tome, #2, his daughter will see it and that is inappropriate on several levels.

I don't know if that's helpful at all, but that's where I am...

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

betterman's picture

on one hand you say "basic level of trust" and the other you say
"I check my FH's myspace page frequently", which is it?
Does he check yours? if so, has he confronted you on anything?

I don't mean to suggest anything but I don't understand.

northernsiren's picture

in terms of we are both on each other's pages leaving each other msgs. Sometimes I just pop onto his to see if he's changed everything. The trust exists, and yes, he has confronted me, but usually less agressively than that implies, like "who is so and so, I saw they left you a message" I trust HIM, but I don't trust other people. Just the other day someone left him a message calling him a "faggot". I found that disrespectful, and told him as much. I said it made me mad to see someone disrespecting the man I love. He told the person to f-off, even though it was a joke, I still did not appreciate it.

I don't want his daughter seeing things like that, and he doesn't always think through the ramifications of the "jokes" of others....

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Harleygal's picture

a Facebook and a Myspace. It bothered my DH quite a bit at first so I set him up a Myspace. He never uses it though.

I don't have any men as friends that would cause DH to question it. He's comfortable with it now. I have an ex-stepbrother, a male cousin, a kid I grew up with and I believe the rest are ladies. I tell DH everything anyway, so now he realizes he has no reason to feel threatened.

He used to get a little upset about me being on Steptalk. He figured I was telling all his secrets. Now he doesn't care because he knows everything I say is the truth so what can he do? He would be like "Well, you should vent to me". Uhhh ok if that's really what you want DH.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

groovetheory's picture

I just think that down the road someone will be able to look up things about me - potential employers etc. Also, I wouldn't want to get one and then DH get one, and I'll be all jealous - so we opt not to have ourselves out there like that.

secondwife20's picture

when I got my facebook.

Thing is, I always put up pictures of me and him... so it's hardly ever just ME. He finally realized that if I was looking for a boy toy, I would have put up pictures of just me.

bellacita's picture

but its only for this i can "see" everyone and they can see me...ST is the only reason i set one up. i dont keep in touch w any other friends, though i do browse their pages and leave notes sometimes.

DH doesnt like myspace...he would be upset if i were on there being friends w guys i knew or anything like that. not bc he doesnt trust me, its just how he is. very jealous. been burned too much i guess.

i have told him why i have a myspace and that it is private and exclusively for that and hes fine w it. so i would say its up to u and ur spouse's comfort level. not that u should NOT do it bc of them but respect their wishes too.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

The Principlist's picture

BD signed me up for Facebook when she was home. I will not do myspace because that is where all the kids are. With Facebook I am very selective about who I friend. If I don't know you personally, then I don't friend you. I do it mainly to keep up with old friends. It has been great in that aspect. I can know what is going on with someone without having to pick up the phone to call. I can even send a quick post to someone letting them know that I'm thinking about them, but I may not want to have a full fledged conversation. So, for me it is a way to share and catch up. Nothing more. I do not have any male friends that are secretly suspiscous or anything like that. My DH doesn't get it. I do not work so I do not have loads of outisde interaction with co-workers or anything like that. I connect with people that I have common interests in or that are from my past. No exes or anything like that. DH on the other hand likes the peace and quiet. After being at work all night he doesn't want to interact with too many folks. I guess it is what you make it.

People who get on HIGH Horses will find the fall to be painful. ~ME :->