Opinions needed on manipulating BM and lying SS
My DH has full custody of his two children. SS 12 and SD16. He shared joint custody with BM up intill two yes ago when the judge decided joint custody was no longer a Option for them( long story but basically BM was unwilling to co-parent and refused to follow DRs recommendations) and gave DH full custody and BM with Visitation. BM is a new age anti medication nut job. Both kids have been Diagnosed with serious mental conditions and need medication. The younger one being worse so. Both kids have been in therapy and on medications for Mental issues since they were five or six.
Over the last few months older SD has been coming back from BMs house telling us younger SS has not been taking his meds and BM is encouraging this behavior. Younger SS has also been lying to BM(over heard by SD) telling BM he has been throwing out his meds at our house when we are not looking. This is not true as we stand there and watch him take it. When asked if SS told BM this he got all Defensive and upset. This is classic of SS when he is trying to cover up a lie. When we ask if he’s taking his meds at BMs house he says yes and again if we push it he gets defensive. BM is also Encouraging Younger SS to “stand up against us” in things he does not like. Basically encouraging SS to be difficult for us and about our rules. Again over heard from SD. We believe SD as SS’s behavior in what we have been seeing matches up with what SD is telling us and based on past history with BM. SS is getting harder and harder to get him to see his therapist and this was never a problem. We are sure BM is behind this as SS knows how his mom feels about therapists. opinions? Recommendations? Is there a way we could prove BM is doing this and if so would the court do anything?
Wow, what a mess. These kids
Wow, what a mess. These kids are so young and so messed up already.
Your H should be documenting EVERYTHING, and he can never afford to give BM an inch where the skids' medical needs are concerned. He should also (or have his attorney) send BM a letter outlining that any interference with skids' medical treatment will be dealt with in court. This will happen regularly for the next decade or so, so you should probably invest in a file cabinet, office supplies, etc and accept it as a part of life with a crazy ex.
Documenting, warning, and dragging her a$$ back to court every. single. time. is the only way to deal with alienating narcissistIc crackpots like this. It's expensive and exhausting, but scorching the earth around BM and training her that deviating from what's court ordered WILL be painful is the only way she'll learn. These women care more about themselves than their kids and do not recognize boundaries, so unpleasant, uncomfortable, inconvenient consequences are pretty much all that works.
Get back into court to have
Get back into court to have Judge put BM on notice.
Now in all fairness---some kids are over medicated OR medicated because parent/s insist.. I have seen this first hand. Its very sad.
Its important to advocate for proper diagnosis and 2nd maybe 3rd opinions before snowing our kids.
Your husband also
needs to check the state laws. In my state once a child is 12 they control their care for mental and reproductive health (I disagree on a lot of levels but it is what it is). He may be coming to an end point of being able to decide if the kids are medicated or not.
I would document what is going on but also be aware that your husband may not be able to force the medication or therapist issues in the future unless he applies to be a conservator.