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Opinions advice needed regarding SD17 Behavior

Joanlynn's picture

SD was this sweet nice Polite thing till she hit middle school. Then like overnight she turned into this Hateful disrespectful nasty little bitch. BM is half the problem as she Bails SD out of trouble And makes excuses for her crappy Behavior. DH was not much better till I gave him holy hell about SD and he put his foot down with SD. Well that did not go over well. SD has refused to come back after that (mostly because of me and I’m fine with that) and BM has taken SD’s side. 

I know teens can be Difficult but this seems so extreme. SD in her 4 years of high school Has had over 50 detentions,2 Suspensions, and over 200 Unexcused tardy’s. She has been caught stealing at school and has Swore at teachers more than once. The most Recent calling a teacher a bitch. Again this is someone who is almost 18. Her grades are so poor it’s Unlikely she will graduate with her class and will have to either repeat the grade or do summer school. She has no skills and never had any kind of a job. 

Im sure BM will be supporting her for Quite sometime as she has no job. 

What would cause a kid to just flip from one Personality(sweet) to the complete opposite(nasty)? Is there a chance SD could flip back to being a decent Human being in a few years? Is there a age that things get better? If not what can I expect down the road when she’s 20? 30?  SD has been in Therapy for multiple years with different therapists but none seem to help. 

 

notasm3's picture

I have no experience with a skid (or bio) flipping.  Many teens and pre-teens become extremely "difficult" for a few years.  But that is not the same thing as being a lying, cheating, stealing POS.  I have no idea why that happens.

But sometimes people have mental issues that do not arrise until puberty or even later.  A guy that I knew in high school was an all A student, captain of the football team and student body president.  But within a few months after graduation he developed acute schizophrenia that has plagued him to this day.  A life of promise became a life not well lived - sadly.

Defiant, sometimes bratty and often irrationally selfish teens usually do grow up and get better.  But lying thieves rarely do. There's a difference in being defiant and being dishonest enough to steal.

MrsStepMom's picture

The timeline is when these things happen but she is taking it to an extreme. Why are the parents allowing this? She should be in military school by now. I am suprised they haven't been in trouble for how much school she is missing. The parents can get into legal trouble for that. This is a failure in parenting big time. She shouldn't just be in "therapy" she should be under 24 hour professional supervision or care.

Joanlynn's picture

this caused SD to flip out and and refuse to come back as she does not like our rules. That was three years ago. I’m surprised too the school does not come down on her AND BM since she’s living full time with BM. Last fall SD and BM had a hearing with the principal of the school due to her grades/Behavior. SD was told basically to start showing up for class or she would not Graduate. Well nothing has changed with SD’s Behavior after that. Why BM does not drag her ass to school is Beyond me. I’m thinking BM can’t handle her anymore but of course does not want us to know as we saw it coming and tried to fix it but BM would not back us

MrsStepMom's picture

So she flips out. So she doesn’t come over. Making sure she has a life outside or jail is more important. Really DH should be in court. They’d have a lot to say about BM allowing this b

Joanlynn's picture

and the court not ONLY sided with BM but gave her full Custody. BM had a better Attorney and is a great liar. BM Convinced the judge DH was this Horrible monster who threw his poor child away. I guess wanting your kid to respect adults and follow basic house rules is throwing them away. Anyways the judge Bought it and here we are today. 

Joanlynn's picture

And BM said SD has “Depression” and sleep issues the reason she can’t get to school before 11am. The court seemed fine with that excuse. Good luck finding an employer who will except that excuse

Harry's picture

As long as SD does not come to live with you, And make sure of that. Stay out of it.  You are not going to change anything, not going to change BM or SD.  Time to start popping some pop corn and watch the show.   Mostly school will just pass SD to get her out of there hair. And make her someone else’s problem.  Why would they want another year of her. 

wildstang's picture

The middle sd didn't like our rules or parenting style. Caused a war in our home and has never come back. That was 2 1/2 years ago.  She will learn that life does not always go her way.  Karma will be her teacher.

Just let them grow up and figure it out.  If they ever want contact again or $$$$, the conversations starts with an apology for their past behavior.  If you want something, rules go with it. Conditions are met.  Any questions?

Lndsy747's picture

I agree with don't others that the behavior sounds like more than normal teen behavior but really if they don't come over there's not much you can do. I'm in a similar boat, SD runs away to BM when she doesn't like our rules and refused to respond or come over. 

I think that alot of them grow up but my concern for these situations is that a lot of the behavior is due to BMs enabling behavior. I'm not sure that they'll really grow our mature until they're on their own. I think SD may come back around 18 if BM kicks her out otherwise I'm guessing mid 20s.