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Opinion Poll Should I go for more CS?

PolyMom's picture

XH and I were divorced 6 years ago. At the time I was fully employed, and have since been laid off, and his income has gone up significantly. During our separation, he left me high and dry on maternity leave, with no income and two small kids to take care of. He consequently got his wages garnished by the county. I have since been able to work from home, and part-time, but am making about 2/3 of what I was making before. He's making about 1/3 more, and taking second and third jobs earning an even higher income, and always cancelling his visitation with the kids so he can do said jobs.

Because of my husband's income, we haven't been really strapped for cash, but XH makes about as much as DH, and lives completely on his own, and DH has two kids of his own that he covers 100% of their expenses. When I ask XH to help pay for summer camp, religious classes, he agrees, but takes 10 months to pay me back, forcing me to front the money. I asked XH for $100 to help pay for DS7's birthday party, and he refused. His answer is always "I don't have the money" which really means "I'm spending my money on myself, you already get enough of my money to raise the kids." We figured numbers, and I do have a right to take him back for more CS, he's underpaying me $132 a week. I figured if he'd help pay for birthdays and things, it wouldn't be a big deal, but that isn't what's going on, so I could easily get it with the change in our incomes, and the fact that I've been relying on DH to cover my children's total expenses.

These are pretty small things, and ultimately it isn't breaking the bank, but my question is should I go do this now, or should I wait until college hits in about 10 years to take him back? DH thinks he won't have a job, and we should go do this now while he's employed still, and take that $132 and set it aside for college. Opinions?

PolyMom's picture

Yeah, because I want my kids to start life with massive debt and huge student loans. My parents didn't do that to me, and I won't do that to them, especially when the money is there.

twoviewpoints's picture

Why should ex pay for you to host a birthday party? I hope your answer isn't that it's a joint party. I belie is each household should do their own party/celebration thing.

Anyway....if you feel it's time for a review, do so. Ex has an obligation to support his kids per the guidelines of your state. It is absolutely not your new husband's responsibility to supplement low CS from ex and loss of wages on your part. It doesn't sound as if ex and you put in the CO the how, when and ifs extra activities are covered? If not, you should get that done also.

Your children are your and your ex's responsibility as is paying for their daily needs and any extras you/ex feel they should participate in. If you've been allowing him to slack off but supplementing by using new husband's cash (things like sports and camps, school clothes, whatever), you've been very lucky new husband has not resented this. Very lucky also that new husband is willing and able to do so...but it's not his place and anything new husband does for your children should be considered a gift. No his place, not his obligation.

PolyMom's picture

Thank you, I agree with you on the birthday party. I didn't ask him to pay, until he said he wasn't doing anything for DS's birthday, and invited himself to the one I was hosting. I told him I didn't care if he came, and told him what half the party would cost (and I'm sorry $100 for someone who makes 100K a year shouldn't be a big deal), and he said he just doesn't have that kind of money. Meanwhile, he's blowing off the kids this weekend, so he can go away for the weekend, paying for hotel for himself.

I'm calling my lawyer to get his take on this, because he won't pursue anything unless he really thinks it's worth it. DH is amazing. He doesn't resent it on my part, but he certainly can't stand XH because of this, which is why he thinks I should pursue it, and I feel compelled to.

PolyMom's picture

I do work full-time, .6 in a school, and I give lessons an extra 15 hours a week. I am NOT lazy. I didn't ask XH to help pay for the party until he told me he wanted to come.

twoviewpoints's picture

In my state it doesn't matter what the CP makes when it comes to CS calculation. The NCP pays 20% for one child, 28% for two. NY (the state the OP is in) does things differently so I have no clue if BM's wages are included, I think they are though. The OP's ex should be paying what his state says he should be and the OP's wages should be figured at what she could/should be making. Her ex shouldn't get a pass just as no BM (in a state where CP's wages factor in)should sit around half employed, underemployed and/or not employed at all.

If the OP's new husband resents the ex because the new husband is having to supplement, yes, both the OP and the ex should be working and earning and co-supplying per the guidelines. Not just one or the other. No parent should be slacking on supporting their children and neither parent should be coughing up more due to one parent not doing up to their potential. Just my personal beliefs. My 2 cents also think these states that based it on both the CP and NCP earnings set themselves up for parents to have this conflict (woo-hoo for the courts, more cases more money seems to be the battle cry). I think my state has it about right, NCP a set percentage and end of story. No one more dime, not one less no matter how greedy and needy the CP claims.

hereiam's picture

I do have a right to take him back for more CS, he's underpaying me $132 a week

If he is underpaying and it's been 6 years since CS was determined, you do have the right to request a modification. None of the other stuff matters.

AllySkoo's picture

Because (if you'd bothered to read others' posts) he ASKED to do a joint party - as long as she paid for all of it.

PolyMom's picture

Plus we do not have 50/50 custody, he wasn't interested in keeping them that much. He said to me his visitation is time I can't keep the kids from him, but he doesn't HAVE to take them if he doesn't want to. When we were figuring out the visitation schedule my lawyer said to me "I can't make him take the kids more than he wants them." He barely has them.

FYI, in my state if one parent makes significantly more than the other parent, 50/50 or not, they are entitled to full CS.

AllySkoo's picture

Yes, because here's the thing - he's not "paying you", he's providing for his children. If he is not currently providing for his children up to what court ordered standards would be, then take him back to court.

Why would you post this here of all places though? You MUST know this post is going to go up some posters' butts sideways....

PolyMom's picture

LOL...I really did crucify myself on this one, in this forum...but it was more of a "Should I bother with this"...we just finished up dealing with a whole load of BS from BM in court, and I'm really "camera shy" to start up again on my end of things. Honestly, this has been going on so long because we were preoccupied dealing with PAS and issues with my skids, and as long as we were amicable with my ex, I didn't really notice how much he was taking advantage financially.

PolyMom's picture

He's too terrified of ever seeing my lawyer again to counter anything, plus he's way too into himself to seriously entertain keeping them full-time. He spends his raises before they even enter his pocket. He's just super terrible with money. He's not a terrible guy, just a bunch of personality disorder laced narcissism coupled with super bad money management skills. I know, I was married to him. He wouldn't do anything to alienate the kids against me, and vice versa. We're pretty amicable...money is really the only thing we ever fought about post-marriage. For example, he owed me arrears, and the county was taking too much, so I refunded the difference to him, until the county caught up with themselves, and took it back out of what I was supposed to get, and he'd already spent what I paid him back, knowing full well I was going to be shorted.

Plus, he's not remarried, he and GF just broke up, he has trouble maintaining romantic relationships.

Rags's picture

Do it now, do it every two years, and for damned sure do it in 10 years when the kid heads to college. Even if you don't need the money ... do it.

Though not always a popular perspective among STalkers, I am a firm believer that a kid has an equity right to the income of both of their parents. The two parents spawned and they can sure as shit support that kid to the fullest extent forcible by law. IMHO it is the CP's duty and responsibility to protect the kid's best interests including to make sure that CS is regularly reviewed and amended accordingly. Of course if it will likely go down, then you may want to delay. Go to your State's online CS calculator, run the numbers on your income, the XH's income, parenting time, etc... and see what the likely outcome will be when you file for a CS mod. The calculator was always fairly accurate to what the Judge ruled in our case.

Interestingly most states use some version of the Income Shares Model to calculate CS. DE uses a different model but the results of the DE Model Vs. the Income Shares Model are fairly similar. Under the IS Model CS often goes up regardless of which parent earns more. Generally if there is more money in the pot CS goes up regardless of who puts the money in the pot. In our case my bride finished a dual major BS, an MBA, and went on to a high performance career as a CPA. She eventually out earned the Sperm Idiot (the NCP who eventually became and a licensed plumber) by more than 250%. Even when his pay went down and hers went up, his CS went up.

The CP definitely has a distinct advantage under the Income Shares CS calculation model.

Protect your child's interests. File for a CS modification.

We went to court 2wks after we married in response to the Sperm Clan's attempt to gain custody. Though they put my bride through the ringer for nearly a year nothing changed regarding custody and their CS went up .... wait for it... from $110/mo to $133/mo. Whoopty frickin doo. It stayed there for nine years because my wife did not want to rock the boat and piss off the Sperm Clan. She thought it would cause them to take out their frustrations on the SKid during visitation. I finally forced the issue when I was RIF'd and went to ZERO income. Though as the Sparent my income could not be used in calculating CS the Judge could consider it to award the Sperm Idiot an income credit since as the first Judge put it "StepDad earns a notable income which provides an artificial standard of living for the child. BioDad should not be forced to contribute to that artificial standard of living." So the DipShitIot was awarded a $1000/mo reduction in income by the Legal DipShitIot on the bench. Not a big deal. It only lowered his possible CS by $50/mo. Since I was unemployed for a year I thought it would be a good time to modify CS and maybe get my income credit back. Nope, the next Judge did the same thing but .... the DipShitIots CS went up by 600%. Since he had run from the Constable who was serving him the court summons for the CS mod the Judge nailed his ass to the wall with a huge CS increase and payroll withholding. When he got his first $0 paycheck he went screaming in to court begging for an emergency hearing to reduce his CS.

After the emergency hearing his CS was reduced to 300% more than it had been before the 600% increase.

We never needed any of the money but that was not the point. He proceeded to spawn 3 more out of wedlock children by 2 more baby mamas while screaming how he could not afford the CS for my Skid. Nope, my kid had as much right to every penny of Sperm Clan income as the three younger SPerm Idiot spawned half sibs had.

One of my few regrets is that I did not force the issue of a CS mod every 2 years.

If I knew then what I know now I would have insisted that my bride nail his ass to the CS wall every two years. He dodged a major bullet when my Skid chose not to go directly to college after high school. CS would have continued until SS turned 22 had he been a full time college student in good standing with his school. The only difference being that the money would go directly to SS rather than to his mom.

SS enlisted in the USAF and started college a year later. I sat him down, showed him the CO and the supplemental county rules, and offered to pay for an attorney for him to nail the Sperm Idiot for college CS but SS would not do it. They always played the guilt trip card on him about how he was taking food out of the three younger spawn's mouths and he let it get to him. I told him that since the USAF was paying for his school he could take the CS, invest it, and use it to help his Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs with college since the Sperm Clan would not help them one bit.

Nope, he still refused.

I am proud of him for standing his ground on the issue since he felt so strongly about it but how I wish he had burned the POS for another nearly $20K. }:) Actually the POS never paid a penny of the CS for my SS. Sperm GrandHag paid her idiot sons breeding bill for my son and for his three younger spawn too.

They are lucky he is not as vindictive as I am. Dirol

If I could I would sue that POS family for every penny I spent raising my SS ... with interest. Though I am proud to have raised him as my own and have no issue with being his dad in every sense of the role except biologically, including supporting him financially, I detest his POS Sperm Idiot, Sperm GrandHag, and Sperm Grandpa so much that vindictively ruining them for life would give me perma grin. }:) Taking the USDA estimate of the cost to raise a kid to age 18 in our income bracket after I divide the number in half, then deduct the $48K they paid I figure those POS morons owe my wife and I about $173K before POS moron penalties and interest.

Oh how I wish.......... }:)

Sorry to hijack your thread but I was on a roll.