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One week since splitting up

Outonalimb68's picture

I've survived the first week with no contact, and although it's been painful, I know it was the right thing to do. After having a little space to distance myself, I realized that I was being used. I feel like a fool, but I will use this experience to learn from it. I appreciate all the advice that I recieved. I'm going to vent here, because I don't want to contact her and she would just dismiss it anyway.

The biggest slap in the face was that in our last argument, she said I didn't do enough for her. I told her I worked my ass for her and she said that I didn't do that much for her and that it sounded like I was arguing with my late wife. In the past year I have loaned her thousands of dollars(i know it's not coming back), put a new roof on her house, took care of all her yardwork, gave her grocery money on a weekly basis, spent countless hours trying to get to know her children, spent countless hours listening to her vent about her ex husband, wrote her resume for her new job, bought her clothes for her new job, took her on an amazing vacation...and the list goes on. Is that not working your ass off for someone?

She complety dismissed any concerns I had about her children and the fact that her ex husband was threatening me. After a year of trying to get to know her children, I never had one succesful conversation with her kids. It was literally like being in a cartoon. They would growl at me, or just constantly retort with smart assed comments. The girl, 11, snarls and bites herself. She has no friends.

I appreciate the forum to allow me to vent. I've read so many nightmare stories on here, it breaks my heart. Some of you are truly going through some difficult times. Although this hurts, I feel like I've truly dodged a bullet.

ndc's picture

Congratulations on getting out of a bad situation.  Sometimes the most valuable lessons are the most expensive ones.  Obviously if this woman didn't think you did a lot for her, she's delusional (not to mention completely unappreciative).

markwvualum's picture

Kudos to you for taking the first step to making your life better and not worse. This lady is completely unappreciative and sounds like a user. It's all about what you can do for her and her kids but does she even care about you? She will treat anyone who comes into her life the exact same way. She will use them for what she can. What about love and affection? What about caring about your significant other too? What about having a real relationship? What about compassion towards you? She offers none of these qualities but will take take take and only offers her affections to her kids (and very possibly her ex too.) Congrats on moving on with your life finally. You deserve it as hard as you work!

Valkyrie's picture

Wishing you every happiness and that you find a relationship where you are truly appreciated and respected. I have one month to go and then I too will be free of this child-worshipping insanity. I feel like a fool as well because I expected a parent to parent and put the relationship as a priority, call me crazy. I hope your new path leads to someone who values you.  

Outonalimb68's picture

Thanks, Valkyrie. I hope for the same thing for you. So far, the lack of drama and the peace and quiet have been golden.

caitlinj's picture

Good for you for letting go. I too believed I would be respected and loved for who I was and not for what I could do for them. I also (very naively) believed I would be respected as a parent, or as an adult if nothing else. I was subjected to such meaness by his daughter and such criticism by his mother. It feels so good to be away from that child worshipping madness. Also some people have no room for anyone else in their lives, especially when they spoil their kids, are overly protective with them, and they don’t set good boundaries with their kids, exes and parents. It's not fair to expect someone to give their all to a relationship when the other person gives such little in return. It doesn't work. The sooner they realize this the better off they will be.

Outonalimb68's picture

Looking back, it was such a one sided relationship. I didn't do the things I did for reciprocation, but hell, she didn't even do anything for my 50th birthday. Not a card or present or anything. I was a sucker, but no more.

Areyou's picture

I’m glad you got out. Block her, leave town if you have to, do what it takes to cut off all contact. The hardest part now is to stay away and not give in to moments of weakness. Stay strong! 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Wow. I cannot believe that... woman had the gall to say you didn't do enough for her. THAT, if anything, should prove that she is nothing more than a moneygrubber.

You are doing the right thing. Take care of YOU and good luck!!!

icanteven's picture

I understand it is difficult to remove yourself from a situation like this. I am also going through a similar thing for a similar amount of time. It is interesting to notice many things you do not notice when you are in the relationship with that person. You see that she was using you. I also see many things about my former relationship that were very abnormal, but I did not see them until I left. It feels like the sun is brighter when I wake up and know I am free. Does it feel this way for you as well? I think if it does not now, I think it maybe will feel that way soon.

Outonalimb68's picture

Yes, it's amazing what you can't see when you're in the thick of it. Standing back away from it, there were so many red flags that I see now. I just couldn't see through the fog while I was in it. I guess at first, it just felt good to be needed again, but then it was just more more more, and I just couldn't do enough. It still stings a bit, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can do whatever I want, when I want to do it.

Rainydaze777's picture

Hey you!!! I found your post! We are definitely in the same spot.

My relationship was one sided too and it was really getting to me.

I think we both made the right decision xo

Outonalimb68's picture

Good deal. No need to drag it out. We'll just row our little boats away from those places and I'll bet we'll both be feeling better in no time.

Outonalimb68's picture

The more I share, and then see it written down, the more thankful I am that it's over. It just looks weirder and weirder the farther I get away from it. Good riddance is right!

Rainydaze777's picture

Same thing has been happening to me.

My situation wasn't creepy- but I wasn't being treated very well and after I sat and talked about it and wrote everything down I have started realizing what a nightmare it was.