OMG he is just too much
My previous post: https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/advice%E2%80%94-run-or...
I just need to vent. This is ridiculous. I swear therapy is making things worse with the almost SS(9). Negative behaviors are escalating. The blaming of others is getting worse. Now there are exaggerated claims of people hitting him when it was an accidental bump. The relationship between my SO and his son is DONE. In the meantime, my son, (14), is now in crisis. Our familes are falling apart.
I'm coming here because it is so tempting to say, "Screw it... we are happy when we are together.. Let's move in together." But I KNOW we can't. It won't end well. I know that. But holy crap, can a girl dream? (I know I can't.) Like, what do you do when the kids, both step and biological, are in crisis to the point that nothing else in your life can move forward. This isn't a bitch about just stepkids; it's a how do you function when things in a family spiral so out of control. (Yes, before anyone asks or suggests... the amount of conseling and therapy has been exhuastive to the point that I'm explaining the system to new social workers. Not saying that to be mean... They are new, and we each had unfortuante crash courses in how the system works.)
On my previous post, people said that my realtionship with my SO would do a natural fade. It hasn't. Becuase we are both single-parents in families in crisis, it has bonded us in a deeper way. Yay??? I mean it is very nice to have someone totally understand what I am going through. I wouldn't be able to find that easily. But this is ridiculous. There's no break from the crazyiness. We still don't live together. He wants that escape, but I won't. Can't. I know what that will do to all of us. But.... omg, there is such a small part of me that just wants to say "screw it."
I read about many of the bio parents on here being in denial to their child's behavior. We aren't. The behavior sucks. And it's beyond us. It's years of therapy kind of beyond us. How do parents, again bio and step, deal with this?
You are 9 years from the
You are 9 years from the empty nester stage. Deep breaths and make a decision on if you can hang.
If not, I get it. Take care of you.
If things have got to this
If things have got to this point, the worst thing you could do would be to move in together. Then there wuld be no respite for anybody involved and you would most likely end up feeling both guilty and resentful.
It sounds as though your son really needs you at the moment so it might be better for that to be your focus. You and your boyfriend can continue to support each other, just not from the same household. Moving in together is a massive upheaval for all concerned and it doesn't sound as if any of you need that at the moment.
Keep going with the social workers though...when you get a good one, they can be a huge help.
My feeling is
if your own son is in crisis, address that. You seem obsessed with this man. I know I sound like an annoying BM when I say this, but we only get our kids (if we raise them right and they launch) for 18 years. Do right by your son, you won't regret it. It would be obvious to anyone that moving in with this guy would be a s**t show. Ask yourself why you're so desparate to make it happen, to the detriment probably of your own kids.
Wow... jump to conclusions much?
I am addressing my son's crisis. (From my original post: "Yes, before anyone asking or suggests... the amount of counseling and thereapy has been exhaustive to the point I am explaning the system to new social workers....") You have no idea how and to what extent I am addressing the needs of my son. Please keep whatever rash judgements you want to make about me to yourself. I am doing right by my children. That comment added absolutely nothing to my general question of how ANY family, blended or bio, gets through a crisis.
Not quite sure how many times and how many ways I can say "I'm NOT moving in with this man." I know it would be a shit show. That's exactly why I typed "But I KNOW we can't. It won't end well." I am NOT desperate to make it happen. As I said when I came here as a vent for some compassion and general understanding of a shitty situation, a girl can dream. Dream of a situation where moving in together is possible. It isn't. I'm allowed to be sad about that.
Being sad isn't being obsessed. You have no idea from my few posts the behind the scenes things going on in my life or my level of "obsession." What would make you want to hurl a veiled insult at someone when she is obviously at a low point and asking for a safe place to vent and ask for advice on a stressful situation?
Thanks. This reminds me why I'm a reader and not a poster.
Thanks...
Thanks to everyone who took some time out to send some compassionate words. I sincerely appreciate it. Want2, your words were very encouraging when I read them this morning and I am taking them to heart.
You take it day by day and
You take it day by day and you rely on any help that you can get when it's offered.
At some point there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it might not be the light you were hoping for, but sometimes small victories are enough.
To be clear...
I am ABSOLUTELY not moving in with him. I don't know how that keeps getting lost in my post and why people keep telling me not to do something that I'm already not going to do. I am not and will not move in with him until things are stable. This may take years, if ever. This post was just a vent about a crappy situation.
I don't know how to edit my post to add it to the original, so I am adding it here.