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Ok I'm going to give too much information and be gross but I cant help it!

reeny511's picture

I'm new and just needed to vent. Last night BM calls and says did we know sd10 had a bladder infection when we had her over the weekend. She thinks we purporsely ignored sd10 cries of pain over the weekend. She didnt say a peep to me or DH. Of course DH tells BM the reason SD10 gets bladder and UTI's all the time is because she doesn't know how to clean herself. The girl never flushes the toilet and only uses paper when she does #2. Gross! SD10 is overweight and has constant issues with her bowel movements. She eats only junkfood over the week and when we get her on weekends and make her eat fiber/fruits and vegetables she inevitably clogs up the toilet. EVERY WEEKEND!! SD10 holds her urine and will sometimes go in her pants. is this normal? BM says she's been to the doctor and is aware of it. Ok so then do something! We cant go anywhere without this girl clogging up someone's toilet! It's a running joke in my family that we need to just keep a plunger in the car. Can anyone relate?

imagr8tma's picture

She needs to take the time as the girl's mother to teach her proper hygiene.

We had a similar problem earlier this summer in June - SD kept smelling like urine - when DH and I asked she told us the same thing - she only wipes if having a BM. So we taught her how to wipe - fully clothed - when i showed her - so her mother would have no issues................

And told her mom that she needs to pay more attention to SD 6 and her personal hygeine. That witch told us it is none of our business and that Sd is only 6 and will learn.

What?!?! Just sorry

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

Everyones Interest's picture

My beautiful `smart as a whip` SD6 had never been taught how to wipe properly...until she met me that is.

She always comes over with poo stains in her underwear and poo on her bum. She wipes back to front and only gets bathed once a week...WITHOUT SOAP!!!

BM is a fruitcake and doesn`t see any problem with it...actually believes that is normal - the vagina is a 'self cleaning oven'. I don't know if she realizes that, while one should never stick soap up there, the OUTER area including the bum should be washed with soap (sorry...TMI).

Well, of course SD gets a staph infection around the vagina. BM takes her to the doctor. Doctor gives her a standard `this is what MAY cause staph` printout and now everything on the list is banned. From wipes, to looong bathes, to fabric softner etc.

The staph was cured with antibiotics, but SD continues to have major swelling and redness.

The funny part is, we provide her with mild soap and taught her to wipe properly and clean herself and she gets better while staying with us (even tho` I still use fabric softner - gasp...the horror), but comes back to us with a raging, burning rash from her Moms...

Why you ask? Because she only gets bathed once a week with no soap and doesn't wipe herself properly at BM's.

It's only a matter of time before she starts getting UTI's I'm sure!

The clogging up the toilet part is pretty funny...thankfully we don't have that problem!

Anyway...I just try to get SD to take responsibility for herself. And I suppose once she starts having sleepovers and stuff...or just doing gymnastics/sports etc...that her peers will start calling her on the poo smell wafting from her. Fingers crossed she'll start taking initiative at her Mom's, because her Mom will never enforce anything!

frustrated454's picture

If the doctor says there is nothing medically wrong with her then, bm needs to either 1} get a second opinion 2) make the kid shower 3) teach her to wipe herself for God's sake. Not to be gross but in a few years she will have her menstral cycle. If simple wiping is not a learned skill, then how the hell is bm going to teach her that kind of hygeine. I am sure the doctor asked her about sd diet
I wonder what she said

now4teens's picture

Where is it written that it's only the FEMALE'S job to teach the FEMALE children and the MALE'S job to teach the MALE children?

Your DH is also her parent. He can, and should, be teaching his daughter personal hygiene as well. Just keep it simple and to the facts. And if he's really uncomfortable about how to explain it, go to the store and the the "American Girl Doll" Book which talks about young girls and everything they need to know about taking care of their bodies- it's wonderful!

And have him read it WITH HER and answer questions. There's no reason why dads and daughters can't have this very normal conversation.

When my boys were growing up, their POS birth father was NEVER AROUND- even when we were married (for 10 long years). It was ME who needed to tell them how to clean themselves, wipe themselves correctly, and clean themselves in the shower correctly so they didn't smell like "crotch rot." (Because those of us with boys know how BAD they can smell!)

And I had to talk to them about properly cleaning the smegma out of their penises, too! Yup- not their dad- but ME. And when it came time to talk to them about sex and masturbation...that was me as well, because SOMEONE had to be able to teach a little boy that while it was perfectly "normal" to have their hands down their pants, they needed to do it in a private place (their room) with the door locked, and NOT in the middle of the family room while Grandmom was visiting! Wink

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

frustrated454's picture

You know you are right . I was saying bm bm and I like you ,i am the one who taught my son how to aim in the toilet clean etc. Just had the masterbation talk a month ago. His dad was never there for him and still isnot. My bs comes to me and asks me everything.
Good point

reeny511's picture

For a awhile there I thought it was just me going thru this. BM thinks it's no big deal and SD10 is just a little kid so give her a break. The girl is 30 pounds overweight and the first day at her new school some girl called her fat already. So we have enough issues without having to deal with simple bathroom hygiene!

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

The BM you're dealing with may very well think SD10 is just a little kid but MY SD10 just started her period 2 weeks ago!! So much for being a little kid! The BM here never taught my SDs things about taking care of their 'private areas' when bathing and such and then was pissed beyond belief when I stepped up and taught them... and of course I never got a thank-you at all when their irritation and redness cleared up because they learned proper hygiene. Kids are NEVER too young to learn this kind of stuff!

one6ylady's picture

SD had toilet overflow issues all the time when she first came to live with us. We solved the problem by making her clean up the mess and teaching her about "intermittent flushing" - i.e. flush a couple different times while going, and if you went a lot, flush before wiping so all you're flushing down is the toilet paper. After cleaning up the bathroom a time or two, she started flushing properly and we haven't had this problem since.

Your SD is old enough, at 10 years old, to be able to clean up her own mess when it's caused by her failure to take standard precautions. You might want to talk to her about the intermittent flushing now, before she overflows again, and tell her that if she fails to use this technique and overflows it, she will be expected to clean up her own mess EVERY time. She might forget the first time, but after cleaning it all up once, she is unlikely to forget a second time.

I hope this helps.

LizzieA's picture

This conversation makes me wonder about these lovely BMs and their hygiene. I've never heard of such a thing as not telling kids how and when to wipe and use soap while bathing! I had a thought, how about some "special" soap for the 6 year old to take home to use?