My DH and SS17 (together 8 years, not married but consider we are family) make mothers day quite nice for me and show me appreciation so I feel lucky in that respect!

However I feel at times my own family has some weird issues about me and my "step family" situation which led to a very depressing mothers day for me.  I can't seem to snap out of this funk and thought it would be good to get opinions here or see of others experience something similar and how you handle it.

Let me start that my brothers wife was not too nice to my entire extended family in the beginning.  After she had 2 kids she got better and I noticed when she was nasty, my parents accepted it (before grandkids they didn't).  I have no doubt they don't want their acces to grandkids affected.  Sucks but I get it.  

My parents have lots of free time as retirees and so they often see my brother and his family for that reason.  They see us but not nearly as often and I am OK with that for the most part. However we have always gotten together for major holidays/special days as we are all within reasonable driving distance of one another.  

Then Covid-19 happened and we all did some zoom calls and talked about how we would all get together to celebrate missed holidays, birthday, mothers day etc when things were better.  So I thought we were all in the same boat.  Then I learn my mom and dads Easter visit to drop off home goodies (sweet gesture) was a visit from their car at my home, but when at my brothers they sat down in backyard six feet apart and shared time together (I had no idea they were comfortable with that).  I'm happy for my parents but I felt a bit left out but let it go.  

Then on Saturday my mother let it slip my SIL invited them over to "sit six feet apart outside" and do something simple with burgers on the grill.  I was never told about this and not asked to join with my DH and SS17 or even by myself if they want to limit people due to COVID 19.  SIL did not even contact me or even consider me in this day with my own mother as we usually do and I thought we were all spending it apart!  I was extremely hurt and brought to tears by my entire family getting together without me (twice) and not even my brother or parents asking to have me included. Honestly, I feel we are the "expendable" ones since we are a step family and we are the ones that get cut out when it seems like too much trouble for a few extra people (my SIL always insists in hosting at her large home and we all contribute dishes to eat).  I get the COVID-19 concern, but there would have been less than 10 of us outside spread out, and our state is relaxing stay at home rules in just a few days.  To find out my whole family relaxed the rules but excluded me hurt me greatly and I guess I had enough of family exclusion and called my brother and told him Sunday morning because I was still upset.  I told him they hurt me greatly by excluding me on Mothers day and no one told me they were OK with relaxing the rules, that I am not upset they often get together without me, but for special days like this not to exclude me as I am also part of this family and would have like to see them all even from a distance as well.  SIL and my brother are always fighting according to him and I think he just keeps quiet to keep the peace at times.   I told him to have fun and enjoy their day (internally mine was mostly ruined) and not to exclude us from important family functions like that -he could tell I was upset though.   He apologized and felt bad  and thanked me for telling him my feelings about this.   Next thing I found out, SIL canceled the whole thing so even my parents didn't go.  I got more upset as that action felt vindictive and manipulative on her part. Seems I have to just shut up and accept being left out of my own family's functions to keep everyone happy.  I don't begrudge them relaxing rules to get together, I had just been left out of so much over the years that I could not let this go by without speaking up after not seeing each other for the last couple of months and not being included for Mothers day with my own mother and they all seemed so secretive about it.