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Not sure what to do with this one...

JacksGal's picture

SD13 was here this weekend and said a few things that had my spidey-sense tingling.

Her hygiene issues are getting a bit better, but she's considered immature for her age and is in a social skills class at school. She doesn't smell as often, but her hair is still pretty messy most of the time and her clothes are often wrinkled and ill fitting. She is awkward verbally to say the least. She doesn't have any friends she hangs out with outside of school hours and never goes to birthday parties or sleepovers or any of that stuff. She doesn't take the bus anymore because "there are no seats."

This weekend she tells me about a popular boy in school who said "Hi Cutie" to her in the hallway the other day. She told me he likes her, but then most of the boys at school do.

I highly, highly doubt this. I think she's created a fantasy for herself. I don't know what to do though. Anyone else go through this? Any thoughts?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

She sounds like an outsider and might be at risk for bullying. What does it mean, there are no seats on the bus? Is it possible other kids do not want her to sit with them? I would call the guidance counselor and ask her to give your SD individual counseling on top of social skills groups. Also i would ask her to help your SD find a club or a sport or any other activity she could enjoy doing. That should help with making friends also. Some schools, mostly high schools though, have day care centers for teachers' kids. Students "work" there as teachers' helpers. For an immature girl it could be a great way to learn more confidence and acquite some skills that woudl help her feel good about herself.

You could also try private counseling if you think your SD has a hard time determining who is her friend and who is not. She may really be living in a fantasy world and need help with reality testing.

Orange County Ca's picture

I too think that professional help is needed here at a minimum at the school level. By the end of the school year ask the counselors at school if they've seen any improvement and if they have any recommendations as to what to work on and who may be of help over the summer. By who I mean professionals who work with teens in this area.

A 13yo girl uninterested in her grooming who thinks that all the boys in school, set aside one, thinks she's cute does have some problems we're not going to be able to help with here.

JacksGal's picture

We're going to talk to the school counselor, but her mother will not allow any kind of outside counseling for any of her children. She's a nutjob herself and any time they went, the finger started pointing at her and she flipped out saying they are all against her. So, all the counselors that have been used previously have not worked out well at all because she'd poison the kids that the counselor was bad and they end up having to terminate sessions because it's hurting the kids more than it's helping. We do have one therapist we like that will see them whether or not she approves, but this guy actually did call child welfare on her once so if she finds out, she'll make the girl miserable. Not sure if that's a help or a hindrance to the situation, but we may have to give it a shot.

As far as the seat on the bus, I'm pretty convinced that it's because the other kids won't sit with her. The state has anti-bullying laws and we're at the point where they'll never admit there's a problem with other kids because they are required to take action if there is. We have serious hygiene issues with SS13 (her twin) still and they'll always tell us that none of the other kids are having a problem. I can't stand being in the same room as him most times, don't tell me no kid sitting next to him in any of his classes daily hasn't reacted. I don't think they'll be much help with the bullying aspect and BM doesn't think her having no friends outside school is unusual.

Sparklelady's picture

This is actually serious. Please involve the school and see if they have in school counselling. If she doesn't get help, this may become a serious mental disorder. I have been there.