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Is this NORMAL??? I THINK not but wanting 2nd Opinions

frustratedSM96's picture

Ok I want to start off by saying SS12 does have ADHD so I can understand he may need extra help with schoolwork/homework that other kids don’t. I also want to add SS12 is totally spoiled, expects adults to do things for him, lazy and add the fact DH is a stage 3, level ten “coddler”. BM is no better either. 

SS HATES Homework and will use EVERY Excuse to get out of doing it. The one he uses the most is “he does not understand the HW”. SS has fallen so far behind HW he’s failing most classes. 

DH always has to sit with SS when he does his homework and “help” him more than I thought. BUT what I walked into today even surprised me. I came home from work to find SS playing Video games saying he’s taking a break from HW. DH was upstairs in SS’s room with school papers all over and DH was reading the English chapter SS was Supposed to. I asked DH what he was doing and he said he’s going to read ALL of the things SS had to read for HW so he could “help” him better. The house was a complete mess as THIS was all DH was doing all day. When SS was taking a “break” DH would be “Researching/reading” what SS has to do next. I think this goes Beyond helping. I feel DH is doing all the work and now will just spoon feed SS the answers. 

Thoughts? Honestly am I wrong to think this is over the top?

 

ndc's picture

Of course it's over the top, although in this age of helicopter parents, your DH isn't the only parent doing it.

The problem is that he isn't helping SS, he's hurting him by doing his work for him.  Homework is supposed to reinforce learning.  How is that happening if DH is doing the homework?  Your DH is an idiot if he thinks this is the right thing to do.

EatThisApple's picture

As a Stepmom to a 12-year-old SS also with ADHD, I can relate to the child's behaviour 100%. It doesn't mean that your DH should let the kid run the show. Put him in a quiet room with no distractions. If he has a question or two, fine. If he doesn't understand because he wasn't paying attention during the lesson or is just being lazy, then no video games and he can address his teacher about it the next day. Kids with ADHD may have issues with distractions and organization, but at that age they are capable of developing coping mechanisms.

Help him learn how to fish, don't give hom the fish.

SteppedOut's picture

No, not normal. 

My formerSO's mother used to do this for his kid and if he ever had projects both her and her husband would do them (like build a huge pyramid sand glued down, trees, all fully painted). She even filled out the worksheets and wrote reports and essays! She "changed" her hand writing, but a 60+ woman and a 11/12/13 yr old boy have vastly different hand writing, lol. 

The teachers HAD to know, the kid was not an academic at all (he didn't need to be with others doing his work!). But "his" homework did not match his class work and participatipn or tests.

I am sure he will end up with a high school diploma, but it will be virtually useless. He could not add or subtract if the numbers were 10 and over. I know there are great plans for him to go to whatever college he wants, but they are going to all be in for a serious reality check when he can't pass ACT or SATs.

 

Kytrb71's picture

My SD17 (40 days shy of 18) without adhd whines and complains about schoolwork period. Her classes are all online and she won't do any thing unless her father is sitting beside her on his computer taking her quizzes etc for her. Meanwhile she is texting, tweeting, face timing, snap chatting and selfies while he does the actual work. 

Rags's picture

Nothing that taking a hammer to her phone and daddy forcing her to park her ass at her computer and do her work while he rides her ass like a broke down mule until she does her work.  Then... when she graduates... he gives her a set of cheap luggage, puts her shit on the curb and calls a locksmith to rekey the locks.

Rags's picture

Not normal. But... the odds of a school failing him for crappy academic performance are about slim and none.

Many kids with ADHD can do well if they are parented with firm structure and well defined and enforced behavioral and performance standards.

Good luck.