That's a ridiculous time for any type of call, and no properly parented four year old should be up that late. You have to wonder wth is going on with a parent who keeps their kids up that late.

When YSD14 first came to live with us, her mother immediately moved in with her bf in a state two hours ahead of ours. Because BM is not only bi polar but also too stupid to understand how time zones work, she would call at five A.M. to wish YSD a good day at school. The ringing phone woke up everyone in the house. My DH wasn't doing anything about it, so by the third or fourth time, I answered the damn phone and read her the riot act. I also offered a solution - call every Wednesday and Sunday at 7;00 P.M. her time.

Lack of structure is a common complaint from stepparents, particularly women. Your H and his ex seem to have a crazy, scattergun, anything goes type of parenting dynamic, and that is likely going to continue to affect you. You seem to be the only sensible adult in this situation, and from what you've shared in your blog posts, your instincts are sound. You need to draw some hard boundaries with your H and make it clear that if he wants your support, he'll need to apply more structure and organization to his parenting. you should not be putting up with any of the nonsense that's going on, and your instincts are good.

WTF??? thats ridiculous !  what mother calls their 4 yr old child that late at night!!  does she just want to talk to the child or does she want your DH to be in the chat also ? 

Personally I go to bed early, and if anyone rings me after 9.30pm, it better be a life and death emergency!  I do NOT like being bothered when I'm winding down before bed.   I would definitely be unplugging the phone, and/or turning it off if anyone repeatedly tried to ring me at the times you said - and what's more I'd have very stern words with them when I next spoke to them to tell them I will never be answering the phone at such a ridiculous hour. The fact that the intended recipient of the call is a 4 yr old is just bizarre in the extreme. 

Oh, this is BM having some fun. Your DH should not answer past a reasonable hour, say 9 pm. Then after a few days of not getting to speak to his kid, he should send BM an email requesting that she return his calls in a timely manner, agree to a schedule, or he will be forced to return to court to discuss why he isn't speaking to his kid, and why she's up at 1 am. 
 

Don't keep letting BM do this. 

I don't have any kids of my own yet either but I watched my nieces and nephews at that age and I think that's way too late for a four year old to be up. They need their sleep. 

When my kids were little their dad called at 7 pm. They were in bed at 7:30. Little kids need lot's of sleep. 

1st- have him send an email to BM that the phone calls at all hours of the night are concerning and that he is worried about the sleeping patterns and structure in BM's home. According to American Academy for Pediatrics children ages 3-5 years should be getting 10-13 hours of sleep. Have him state that he will be calling on Monday's, Wed and Saturday (or whatever- pick 3 days a week) at 7pm.  

2nd- Follow through with those calls. Set an alarm and don't be late. 

3rd- Keep a journal of those calls. Dates, time, did he get to speak to the kid. What was his appearance? What did he see in the back ground? Was the house clean? Take screen shots if anything looks disturbing or concerning. What did they talk about? THIS IS HUGE IN COURT.

4th- IF he doesn't have a CO that provides for communication he needs to file for one. If he does have one and she won't follow this simple and reasonable plan, file for contempt. 

When my sd is with her mother my husband and sd do skype calls on friday night at 8pm her time. That ends up being 10 pm our time which is kind of late for my liking but it is only once a week and we do have a time difference to deal with. SD is 11 though, so very different to a 4 year old. 

No judge is going to say that calls late in the evening must be answered as long as times are made available at more reasonable hours. Having a fixed call time/day(s) makes life a lot more predictable.

We still struggle as sd :"forgets" or doesn't charge her pad and BM doesn't seem to give any reminders or will fail to inform my husband when sd has a sleep over etc, so there are frequent friday night calls that get missed with no communication. But at least it is only one night a week and half an hour or so that my husband is waiting for a call/trying to contact sd or bm. 

I like some of the suggestions above about how to get BM to cooperate. I would however offer BM a couple of different times/days and if she says that none of the ones offered suit her schedule then I would ask her for an alternative time before Xpm or if longer but less frequent calls would be better. Daily calls at a set hour could be difficult to deal with if she has no set schedule. Basically offer (in writing so you can show a judge) some flexibility over which "reasonable" hours are available for communication, this shows that you are attempting to co-operate. 

Oh, this is BM having some fun

This was my first thought, she's messing with you guys. And sacrificing her kid's sleep pattern to do it ('cuz, no, a 4 year old should not be up at those times).

Your husband should not put up with it.

That call time is insane.  Time for you to set the call time that will occur in your home if your SO does not have the parental and confidence stones to do it.

We never had a fixed time for the SpermClan to call SS because they never called him. Not once in the 16 years we lived under a CO.

For damned sure we did not call them.  SS never asked to call them once. 

He liked having the separation between his two family experiences.

We would call him once a week when he was on SpermLand visitation once we got him his first cell phone in 8th grade.  Oddly, they never called him even after he had a cell phone.