Is this normal for boys?
SS is almost 12 and NEVER had any real friends. He’s been to a few bday parties total and talks about a “few friends” at school but it never seems to go anyplace except hanging out at school. Think once or twice he went to a friends house to do homework. He’s never had any friends over to either BM’s house or ours and we live in the school district.
I only have experience with girls not boys. SS is a total Immature spoiled brat which could be the problem BUT one would think he would also be picked on at school but this does not seem to be a problem. SS drives me Insane with his content need to be the center of attention 24/7 and has to be attached at the hip to daddy. SS acts more like a 5 yr old than a pre teen. I go to bed every night in hopes he gets a friend just to get the little bastard out of the house or at least locked in his room with a friend. Is this normal for boys to be more of a loner or Homebody???? Is this something he will outgrown? Jesus I can’t see SS wanting to sit on daddy’s lap or following him around like a puppy dog at 15 or 16. Please tell me there is a light at the end tunnel for this Clingy and neediness a daddy?????
No he’s not going to out grow that
He getting what he wants. Being a spoiled brat to everybody ( hence no friends) and his BF best friend. DH has to stop being friends with his DS and be a real father. Getting him involved in activities outside the house
Boys
I think boys social circles are more activity driven. Is he involved in any sports, boy Scouts, whatever?
I agree
DS rarely just "hung out" and he never did homework with his friends. He did play sports, go to superhero movies, bowl, go to arcades, etc. Even as an adult he will often be found playing sports or at least playing a video game with friends over just sitting and talking (he is a young adult still). DH also tends to find activity driven things to do with his peers.
The girls are content to hang out more or do more chatting and aren't as activity driven.
Yeah
Can't Dad sign him up for scouts, a sports league, band, or a youth group or club? Maybe he'll find a niche somewhere. My DS isn't clingy but didn't hang out with other boys until he discovered band in middle school.
Yeah this seems pretty normal
Yeah this seems pretty normal to me, especially since all these boys have been raised to think they could never go anywhere without a parent. When I was a kid we were turfed out of the house and allowed to roam pretty free. This is not how any of these kids are raised these days, including my own kid.
Anytime I read posts like
Anytime I read posts like this, I always wonder if the parents are facilitating a social life for their kids.
1) Is a parent willing to meet other parents? Like, actually meet them and not just a quick "Hi, I'm Joe, of course you can entrust me with your child's care".
2) Is a parent willing to meet the other kids?
3) Is a parent willing to facilitate a fun activity , either in their own home or out in the community? I hear a lot of "I wish they would just leave" but not a lot "I'm willing to have 1-4 preteen boys in my house".
4) Is a parent willing to give their kid spending money (or an allowance) and a ride? By the time kids are preteens, they start forming more close-knit social groups that may not live solely in the neighborhood.
5) Is a parent willing to make a commitment for an organized activity? I see far too many parents who use soccer or scouts as a free babysitter. It's fine to not be at every practice or game, but just dropping the kid off and never investing in it with the kid isn't fair to the kid OR other parents.
6) Does the parent give the kid access to external communication? Landlines aren't a thing anymore, smart phones are scary, and console/PC gaming can be addictive. Parents have to be vigilant with their use, which takes time and patience. Parents don't want to eff with it, so kids either don't have it OR they have free reign until they totallt step over the line and lose it all forever.
Remember, unlike adults who don't need work to build a social circle, kids build their social circle at school. They spend every weekday with their friends, for hours on end. They may be thoroughly socialed out with those kids by the time they get home. I think that is especially true for boys who, as mentioned above, are more activity driven. Don't facilitate an activity and they aren't likely to be social. I'm not saying parents should schedule play dates, but they should make the offer to the kid to do a thing AND facilitate the parts that a kid can't do themselves.
Kids generally don't "go out
Kids generally don't "go out and play" anymore, unless they are fortunate enough to have a same-age kid that lives very close by. Most of their social stuff is related to activities, online communication, and/or "play dates" set up parents. So DH needs to encourage him to invite his school friends over (which means, most likely, going to pick them up).
Also, the clinginess, DH needs to address himself and set limits on.
At 12, my SS would still sit on BM's lap on the sidelines at soccer games. It was horrifying for DH and he tried to set limits on it, but of course, BM encouraged it, so it continued. They are totally enmeshed. Not letting his kid be a cling-on is totally within DH's control (at your house, anyway).
Thanks for answering now to answer everyone’s questions above
Both Bios have Try to get stepson into sports and scouts. BM signs SS up for multiple summer camps every year for the whole summer from Science camp to sports camp in hopes Something will peek his interest. We signed him up for a after school rocket program he wanted to do. None of this has developed any friendships or Continued interest once the program or camp finished. Honestly organize sports I don’t see going well anyways with him. He gets bored quickly does not like to follow others rules.We have asked him if he would like to invite friends over from school but he does not seem interested. Most kids his age are into playing Fortnight Video games but not SS.
My DH sent me a study about
My DH recently sent me a study about teens today. It is estimated that less than 8% go out on any given weekend night without parents and with friends now.
There is this huge correlation with iPhones and social media and their inability to make real friends and hold conversations with people on a meaningful level. I think it is hard for us, as parents to accept since many of us managed all of our teen years without cellphones or social media. Kids today have been robbed of so many experiences we got to have.
Boys and normal? Lol.
Boys and normal? Lol.
Just kidding of course.
It may not be abnormal these days but that does not mean it should be happening or tolerated.
IMHO this is going to take direct mandatory action. Daddy needs to put this kid in activities that force socialization, personal growth and motivates his progression. Whether he likes it or not. He being SS.. and DH I suppose.
I do believe it is, to some
I do believe it is, to some degree, the parents’ responsibility to help their kids foster friendships when they are younger. My SS8 has a couple of friends he plays with at our house made during tball season or our work friends and BM has also moved into a couple of neighborhoods that he has found friends in. My 3yr old has triple the amount of friends than ss8 because I actively seek out MomGroups and play dates.
You can’t do much with BM’s time, but your SO needs to start taking him to kid outings to make friends. If he’s. Not making any friends it’s because he’s disagreeable which is when your SO needs to come in and supervise “good” playing manners until his kid understands having someone to play with is usually better than always getting his way.