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Normal behavior for kids?

georgina29's picture

Submitted by georgina29 on Tue, 01/01/2019 - 12:26pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

My step kids

-whine and complain constantly about everything

-get to make most decisons including dinner. If they don't like it they will complain and SO makes them something else in the middle of his dinner which happens often.

-throw tantrums even though they are in first and third grade

-If I am affectionate with my SO they will butt in constantly

-They interrupt us talking constantly

-They do not listen and you have to tell them multiple times to do something. They also dont like to be told no.

-Oldest is not resillent at all for his age and size. He will get hurt slightly, by a minor fall or scratch from the dogs paw and cry and scream forever like he broke a bone or something serious.

-They do not like physical activity and will sit on the couch all day long watching tv and playing video games.

 

please tell me if this is normal

HowLongIsForever's picture

Submitted by HowLongIsForever on Tue, 01/01/2019 - 2:28pm

Not helpful but I have to share because it made me laugh.  And because maybe you won't feel so alone.

I just read your list to SO... along with the response.  He didn't recognize his kids in that list at all.  Like not even a little bit. 

And there are only two things in your list I can say don't apply in our house (but do in their mother's so I count them as applying).

The behaviors you listed are normal behavior for kids who have not been shown nor required to adhere to any certain boundaries or expectation of appropriate/acceptable behavior. 

Admittedly, these things rarely happen in our home any more.  But they aren't mine so for me any frequency is magnified.  Now it only ever happens after returning from extended time at mom's.  Like the holidays. 

98% of the time SO sees it and corrects it in the moment so I'm not quite sure why he doesn't recognize it in a list read to him.  Although it doesn't surprise me.  He's not as sensitive (read: he can be voluntarily blind) to his kids behaviors.

But as is often said here, what you're experiencing is driven by an SO problem not a skid problem.

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Tue, 01/01/2019 - 2:31pm

All of those behaviors except deciding on dinner apply to my SSs. They don’t get to decide on dinner, but they get to eat a million snacks (DH has a sweet tooth, so we always have kid-friendly junk food) and leave their trash and dishes everywhere, without consequence.

Sadly, my SSs are in middle school (and still have tantrums and cry at the slightest nudge), so don’t expect things to get any better.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Tue, 01/01/2019 - 2:59pm

It is normal for them because it is allowed and they are not taught any different. 

Are you ready for that to be your new normal?

Theyhaveruinedmylife's picture

Submitted by Theyhaveruinedmylife on Tue, 01/01/2019 - 8:49pm

Hi.  I have two SSs (19 & 16) they BOTH still have tantrums and cry like babies when there is not a “desired outcome”.  Literally cry like babies...and then rage like the Incredible Hulk...that quick of a change...and then they can even go back to crying. I raised three daughters by myself and this type of behavior would not have been acceptable to me for my own children and it is not acceptable to me for my skids to behave this way, but my DH allows it.  I have been married to him for nearly 6 years and lived together for nearly 7 years.  It has been 7 years of pure hell so I hope yours are young enough that you and your DH can work as a team to put an end to that poor behavior.  If it doesn’t end and your DH doesn’t align with you and take ownership of the discipline then your relationship/marriage will struggle terribly and most likely fail.  I hope this works out for you!  Good luck!