I'd say about 99% of us on this site came here for a reason; which means almost all of us DO NOT get along with the BM and with good reason!

No One Is the Bitch can work if both women are sane. AND, if they are more committed to the wellbeing of the child(ren) versus getting back at each other.

13 years into this blended crap and PB has never even ATTEMPTED to meet me to see what type of person I am. She was judge, jury and punisher without a trial. I was evil as soon as I told DH that fathers have rights too.

PM me the book i'm curious.

There is no rationalizing with crazy. Now that BM realizes that she might lose the kids when we go to court next month for full custody, she used me and SO's living together as the last desperate effort to stay on the gravy train. When what crazy BM's feel they are entitled to for giving birth might be taken away, there is nothing that can be done, Focus on your yoga, your man, and trying your best not to let her get to you.

BM and I went to school together. Everyone was afraid of her, she was such a nasty Bitch. Her and I were friendly. I actually dated her twin brother my senior year, lol. When I started dating DH she hated me. After DH and I got married, BM and I had a great relationship. I would go to her place for coffee, we would talk a lot on the phone, etc. I bit my tongue a lot for the childs sake when child was younger. BM gave me the freedom to be a SM and discipline as I felt fit. DH didn't discipline at all. It was nice sometimes when she had my back. Fast forward a few years, BM really treated me as if I was SD's equal, like a step sister instead of step parent. I found out that her playing nice was a ploy to get my husband back. It's nice now that SD is over 18, BM and I have no reason to talk (accept for half of the college loan BM took out and wants us to pay).

I read the book. It was one of my many attempts in trying to get along with this BM. However, everything I did, did not work with her. I have another BM, whom we get along just fine. We've actually done things together with the skids and grand skids. She has celebrated birthdays and holidays with us too. Matter of fact I will be seeing her this weekend.

The other BM is narcissistic and very insecure in her role as the mother. She has PAS'd one child and working on the other two. I don't doubt she was like this before I met my Dh, but my marrying him definately accelerated our situation with all the PASing.

I think sometimes you have to really look back and see what you have done to try rectify the relationship, and if you have done all you can, then it's time to let go. It is what it is.

Take care of yourself. Realize her behavior is her insecurity and jealousy of you. My problem was that I let her into my head and ended up gaining a lot of weight and was so unhappy. Finally I got the message someone on here wrote...paraphrase...Don't make someone your priority when they don't make you theirs.

I've now lost 33lbs since Jan. I working on making my self healthy and my relationship with Dh is so much better.

Hang in there!

your BM sounds like she has ZERO desire to get to know you on any level. it sounds like she hates you simply for existing and being a part of her exh's and child's life.

as everyone has said, no matter what you do or attempt to do nothing will change her or help her see your position. she can't. it's completely her issue, it has nothing to do with you at all, but she just can't see you as a decent person. she refuses.

the book was written by a bm/sm and the bm was a nightmare. bm readily admits it. she was also the one to come around and start this with the sm. This isn't something the sm can initiate. You can send her a letter or text saying that you support her and her role and respect her as a mom and that you'll never bad mouth her to the kids and work to do what's best. You can extend an olive branch and see how she reacts. my gut tells me she will throw it back in your face. but if she responds kindly, then maybe you can present this book to her. that's the only way i can see it working out.

basically, what DH and i've done with the hateful bm in our life is put up boundary after boundary, she just keeps trying new crap. i try really hard not to let her into my head. i tend to obsess and think of things i could say. i have to tell myself to STOP! she will never hear me and even if she did she would hear what she wanted, not what i said. i try to be as happy with my life as possible and move past her crap as fast as possible. i remember that she is the most pathetic, sad person i know, and i try to step past her ridiculous attempts at getting to my DH and myself as i would pass over dog poo!

i still step in it, i still feel the white hot rage that makes me crazy, and i have this place to help me purge.

it just takes time. when you deal with crazy you have to get used to a new normal in your life. but it doesn't go away, you just get better at managing the situation.

that's all i have, hope it helps.

My bf was the target until I came along. First, she didn't want him to have anything but supervised visitation. Then, after me, he was not "allowed to parent them anywhere but his home" and was to spend time only with them, without me. Does that sound even partially sane?! The kids didn't even know we were dating for a long time (we were "friends") so it's not like we were fawning all over each other and they went home and reported it. So you don't want your kids with him...and THEN you want your kids ONLY with him. I'm thinking if you truly have concerns about your kids safety, you are going to make friends with the new woman, yes? What a crock. Psycho bms...