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No My SD11 Can't Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mizcece's picture

My family reunion is today, I want my husband to go but I don't want my SD11 to go. She and I are not close not even remotely and I feel she does not belong around my family. I want to spend time with my family without her. I feel that just because I married her father does not mean she needs to attend MY family functions. If my SD11 and I had a relationship maybe I would feel differently. I have tried to develop a relationship with her but due to her personality so far it is impossible. Maybe when she is older but now I can't see it. I feel the only obligation I have to her is to be polite that is it. Has anyone else been in this situation where there is really no relationship or a bad relationship between you and your SK(s) and you don't want to include them in your family (meaning your blood relatives) events?

StickAFork's picture

Whether you like it or not, SD IS part of your family. You brought her into it when you married her father.

I think it would serve you and your marriage well to try to open your heart just a little to this little girl.

mizcece's picture

I agree with you newwife3, SD is my husband's daughter and you are right will never be a part of my family. My blood relative are just that, MY blood relatives not hers! No need to intertwine the two. NEVER!

mizcece's picture

I am not going to go into the whole history to get you to understand my position in this matter. But let's just say as I have made clear in other post, been there and done that! At this point it is not a good idea period.

bi's picture

we don't marry the skids any more than we marry the in laws or friends of dh's. why do you assume OP hasn't opened her heart to this kid? she probably did and was rewarded by being shit on and tossed aside. it's very narrow minded to assume that anyone just decides to not like a kid simply because they can. be realistic. there is most likely a reason for someone to feel the way they do. i didn't choose to hate my sd. she chose to engage in behaviors and treated me in such a way as to leave me with no other way to feel than to hate her. indifference is the best i can hope for. and i really do want that, hate takes up too much energy, but again, i am not choosing it, it just is.

why don't you give people the benefit of the doubt and consider that they have already done all they can to make things peaceful, but they are the only one who wants peace, therefore it doesn't work.

Orange County Ca's picture

I assume Dad can't go if SD can't go and therein lies the problem.

I also understand why you may not want a rude, inconsiderate, blabbery mouthed kid whose behavoir reflects at least to some degree on your despite the fact you have zero say in her upbringing.

As someone suggested truth wins out. Dad is told the kid can't go. He can make whatever arrangements he wants to have the kid babysat including a sitter or staying home himself.

If he doesn't attend and someone asks about him "He's watching his daughter Millie". No one should inquire further but if they do just brush it aside unless its a confident.

mizcece's picture

You are correct! Very well written, to avoid confusion, I stayed home! I don't want to leave my husband again! Besides there will be another huge family event in September, she will be back across the country with her BM then, she leaves tomorrow morning! I am upstairs in my hideaway chilling and relieved that in a few hours this nightmare of a summer will be over because she will be gone!

Still Have Hope's picture

After being embarrassed by skid behavior for many years, I no longer allow them to attend my family's events. No reunions, BBQs, holiday dinners, birthday parties or weddings. DH knows better than to ask. If he forgets I remind him of all the humiliating times they were allowed to attend and it ended in a fiasco. And I always remind him of the time we invited his boss to a pool party & cook out. Skid who was 15 at the time decided to skinny dip in front of everyone proving she is not fit company for anyone to be around.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

(lol, stickafork lives in a dream world......)My opinion is that I understand the posters concern and the frustration.I also get that SD doesn't feel like your family and that she totally sucks.But if other children go and it is a big family gathering I think you don't have the choice other than to take her since yes, and that is the only point ever I agreewith the fork lady, she is your hubbys child. Things could be different and work in your favour if there will be no other children or if she has misbehaved in the past because this is another reason to leave her at home.But for the sake of your marriage I wouldn't play the my family- your family card with your husband since he will probably feel hurt.

mizcece's picture

My children are grown and on their own. There are no other children, just his daughter 11yr old. Well she is gone to the airport to return to her mother. Thank God it is over! She is only here through the summer (May-August).

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Ha!!!Mizcece-there is your solution- If NO kids are going you can say NO kids are going, this is simple- next time:)

bi's picture

i didn't like sd coming to my family stuff, either. i didn't even like having to be around her for fdh's family stuff, (still don't), so i really hated her being at mine. she has been to my family Christmas once or twice and my family reunion once or twice. she hasn't been to either in a while, and since she is no longer a minor, she will never go again. }:)

the only things she does get invited to are bs's bday parties, and that's only because i really have to since she's his sister. i'd be happy to never see her again.