Newbie here, strained relationship with stepkids
Hello fellow stepparents, I came across your site while google searching. Things about me Im 39, My SO is 36 and his has 4 kids SD13, SD11, SS9 & SD5. We have been together for 3 years and living together for just over 2 years. Now my parents ex wife is a walking nightmare to the point ive had mental breakdowns from dealing with her garbage. When I met my SO his ex wife kicked him out cause she grew tired of him and took everything but the clothes on his back. We waited for 6 months of us dating till I met the kids and he moved in a few months afterwards into my house cause I live super close to his work (he was sick of commuting for 2 hours each day). Cause he was left in an eyewatering amount of debt by his ex wifes shopping addiction and her loans under his name he didnt have much so I decorated the SKs rooms, new beds, bedding etc to feel welcome cause my SO had nothing when he moved in and neither did the kids, built them computers, gave them my xbox etc. The SKs didnt hate me at first and tolerated me, always thanked me for things and presents I bought them, enjoyed the food I cooked (SD 13 always says dad cant cook to save his life and loves the food here). Things were civil with the SKs, Ive since become very close to SD13 to the point she and her friends say "Im really cool" cause of one of my jobs (Im a cooking streamer) I adore her, she is a great young woman. Anyways after a very, very bitter legal battle so we could get a set custody schedule and every 2nd xmas plus a fair child support payment cause she was getting overpaid by 50% plus the original agreement was basically "I demand what I want and you give no questions asked". Now court was a fair deal for both parties in regards to custody (65 for her/35 for us) and child support (calculated government rate plus half of medical/dental expenses). Now BM was bat shit crazy before we lawyed up with her crazy rules like I cant give the SKs anything I cook, they cant talk to me, anything I buy them for gifts gets thrown in the bin if they bring stuff back to hers etc etc. Lately BM has been spreading lies and rumours about my SO (when she didnt get her demands in court met, she cried about being a battered wife and rape victim) and went on a full blown attack on me saying Im a homewrecker and gold digger (oh silly woman you cant dig for gold when there is nothing to dig). For the record my SO was living on his own seperated and just had divorce papers signed after she kicked him out. Plus she says I dont work (I have 2 jobs) and spend all of my SOs money on myself while she and her kids live in poverty (she is terrible with money and a compulsive shopper buying herself everything she desires on credit card, loan schemes etc and refuses to get a job so she lives on goverment benefits). So now when the SKs ask BM for thing like a computer, toys, outings etc etc her words are always "dads cheap whore spends all his money and we have to go without cause he is a bad father" and "Dads bitch broke up our family clan. SD13 doesnt believe the words of her mother but the other 3 SKs have gone full mental on me. The verbal abuse, always blaming me, calling me names, saying I stole their dad etc. Its come to the point I dont say much and avoid those 3 cause Im just over the hate in my own house. It sucks cause ive gone without to help make them comfortable here, cook them food they like, made bday cakes, buy xmas and bday gifts etc. All I do is give, give, give and ive now hit breaking point. I would love to stop buying them gifts for bdays etc not make their fav foods but then Im branded the cruel heartless woman. My SO says to me "one outta four is better than none". SO keeps telling them over and over the truth but they loyalty keeps with BMs words. I am grateful for SD13s friendship as she is the only reason to look forward to when the SKs come over. Also ive never asked the SKs to call me stepmum etc and I dont do any of the parenting. I just tried to be a friend and now I think its impossible. I love my SO and SD13 but somedays I miss a life without constant drama week to week
Sorry for the long post, all my words just came pouring out.