New Stepmother - Am I cut out for this?
Firstly, can I just say I am so thankful to of found this site and to see that I am not alone.
I am 26 and have no bio children on my own. SO is 30 and has SS8 and SD5. They are with us EOW.
We have lived together now for 7 months and prior to living together I didn’t have much contact with the children as I saw that as his special time with them.
When he moved in I was so excited. I set up their room and SO and I bought all new toys and bedding and bunk beds. I imagined family days out and family dinners and all happy happy family.
Sometimes it’s like this, sometimes its not. Sometimes I just can’t wait for them to go home.
SS8 is a great little kid. He is really quiet and mostly well mannered and just keeps to himself. SD5 on the other hand is used to being treated like a little princess and doesn’t like that I’m the queen (so to speak)
I know she is only 5 but my step-nephew is 5 and he acts nothing like that. She still doesn’t talk properly and most of it is her being lazy and talking in a baby voice. She has been getting a bit jealous – she doesn’t like it when SO and I hug or kiss and will always say “why are you hugging? Why are you kissing?” SO says because we love each other and she gets huffy. If we are sitting together on the lounge as a family I’ll always let SO and the kids pick a spot first, then I just sit somewhere free. Well if I sit near SO she will get up and want to sit in-between us. In the morning she bursts into the bedroom even though she knows to knock. She has been holding onto pee and then wetting herself when we are out (and then blaming me saying she told me she needed to go when she didn’t). She is also really mean sometimes – like everyone has to do what she wants to do and if they don’t she gets angry.
I am so lucky that SO is on my side. We have both read the book Stepmonster and he makes it clear to the kids that he and I are a team and we make the rules. He always corrects them days “This is Dad and (my names) house” not just his house. He tells them to listen to me and tries really hard. He listens to me when I have an issue (1) I told him how I felt when SD5 squeezes between us on the lounge and after reading the book he could tell she was doing it out of jealousy so now when she tries he points out other spaces for her to sit. (2) I told him how uncomfortable I feel having to quickly cover up in the mornings when she bursts into our room or when he pulls her in bed for a cuddle so he has made a rule that our room is a kid free zone and the kids aren’t to come in, ever. (3) He has told me that if I feel overwhelmed or anxious to tell him and he will take the kids out or to go get my nails done, hair done or see a friend.
I really shouldn’t be complaining as I have a SO who supports me 110% but I’m still struggling. We have them this weekend, SO will pick them up tonight after work. I have PMS. I want to get sushi for dinner, drink wine, have a bath and veg infront of the TV. There is nothing stopping me doing that when they are though, SO can tell them just to play in their room.. but I know they are there and I cannot relax. I feel rude if I lock myself away in the bedroom. I worry SO will think I hate his children. I’m always afraid to say something even though he is always so receptive.
I just didn’t think it would be this hard.