New Here!! But super excited!
Hello!
I am super excited to have found this site, I am in serious need of feedback that isn't "all lovey dovey we loves all kids".
I have been with my DH for 2.5 years and he has a pretty good 3.5 daughter, 80% of the time SD is at our house. I actually like SD, SD is a good kid who listens and isn't hateful towards me since I have been around for so long.
I have a real problem with family and friends (& sometimes DH) understanding that spending my entire day or weekend with SD is not on my top of things to do. I mean I love hanging out with her, but I LOVE when me and DH get alone time while she's at BM's. I'm tired of people making me feel like a terrible SM because my life is not spent being a "mom" to a child that already has one. I want to just be a friend or an adult figure, but I am feeling forced into the "mom" role by family and friends.
Sometimes I want to spend my Saturdays being child free and I think I should be able to without being guilt by family and friends. Does anyone else have this problem?!
"I just sit in the dark and
"I just sit in the dark and relish the nothingness" ^^^^
I am jealous. I had a brief moment of time between my daughter growing up and getting married and gaining a stepbrat, that I could sit in nothingness. It was AWESOME! Lol
Right it is hard when they
Right it is hard when they are at your house the majority of the time, because you almost have to step up. Lord knows with my DH running the show poor SD would have no pictures of her, no dress up clothes and would miss out on the experiences little girls need. BUT I most defiantly do the happy dance when I'm child free for a day!
Being child-free is
Being child-free is fantastic! And let's be bold and upfront... this child is NOT YOURS. I am assuming that if you wanted of your own, you would have one of your own and as McCoy says, that doesn't mean you don't relish alone time.
I made the mistake of giving up my life completely to my SDs and I know now that I should have maintained myself and let my DH be their parent.
Hang on to yourself, embrace your time, and don't let people make you feel bad for being honest. If they have issues, those are their own feelings of guilt and insecurity being pushed on you. Push back!
Oh, and go shopping this weekend all by yourself!!!
Heck the child lives you with
Heck the child lives you with almost full time so just like a Bio Parent, you want a break sometimes! We have to remember that we are still ADULTS even after we have children, whether we birth them or gain them through marriage. So sometimes we need ADULT conversation. Sometimes we need alone time. If we don't ever get to recharge, we are no good to anyone. No one wants to be around me if I go too long without a breather from "life's responsibilities".
You may love SD but not like she's your own because she's not so people should not expect much of anything of you -your time is voluntary out of love for her and for DH. Whatever you choose to give is acceptable. Questions from others can be answered with "Would you like me to bring her to you the 20% of the time we don't have her?" I bet that will pipe them down.
I love my DH to bits but I am looking forward to having 5 days of ME time when I go home for a conference in 2 weeks. Lol I'm looking forward to stretching out in a bed by myself, to having lunch with girlfriends, to shop for boots without anyone's opinion. Lol. My point is we can love others but that doesn't mean we want to be around them 24/7 especially when they are not related to us and have to be cared for.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH ..... this is
AHHHHHHHHHHHH :)..... this is my huge sigh of RELIEF!!! It is so wonderful to be told your not crazy. Thanks!! And I think I will take your suggestion Pook and go shopping alone, and get a drink with no gross kid slobber on the straw }:)
Woo hoo!!!!
Woo hoo!!!!
Right there with you,
Right there with you, Notmine! Friends & family have been so thoughtless toward me because I want to have alone time with DH and I don't care to have SD around 24/7 (we have full custody with no visits or breaks from loser BM)
I always find it so hypocritical that none of these so-called friends/family give a shit when I say I want alone time from my own bios. I mean, it's perfectly normal for parent to want adult time from their bios, but if your a step---oooohhh you better want those kids around you as much as possible...what kind of shit is that!
So many double standards, right??
I hear you. I love my SDs
I hear you. I love my SDs too-they're great kids. But I'm an introvert and love time with just dh and time alone, so it is nice when they go to BMs parents eow.