New here. In need of an honest perspective.
Hi everyone. I am a new member and have been actively reading this form today. I came here to get a clear and honest perspective. I am 42 and have been divorced for over 10 years. I have no children of my own and spent most of my 30's dating casually. I am well educated, been told I am attractive, in good shape and have a decent career with a relatively good income. I own my own home and enjoy travelling when I can. Up until a couple years ago I never met a woman I was interested in settling down with again. I finally met the woman I believed I was going to marry for good and settle down with. I loved everything about her. She's very attractive and well educated and has a good career. She has two kids (7 and 10) whom at first I got along with very well and bonded with. About a year into our relationship I started noticing some problems, like everyone does. She was newly divorced when I met her and I had met her kids fairly quickly. At the beginning she had always told me her ex (the father of her kids) was a very self centered guy who was verbally abusive and narcissistic and had a lot of issues such as addiction. He was not able to take his kids for scheduled weekend visitations either supposedly because of his issues or his self centeredness. I'm not really sure which and could never get to the bottom of it. I was told by my her and her mother that he was a loser and during their marriage they fought a lot and she would call her parents to vent for advice. I was also told he never had what it took to be a full time dad and was very selfish. Around this time I had already noticed a seperate issue which were her kids behaviors. I will start by saying they are not bad kids. However I did notice a big sense of entitlement with both of them and general lack of manners (interrupting, not listening, poor table manners or lack of manners in general, having their mom do things for them well past the appropriate age without say please or thank you, conflicts with other kids and teachers at school, fake crying to get what they want, being bought toys and reciving gifts when they were not behaving well, little conseuqences for poor behavior, disrespect and lack of manners). I felt uncomfortable approaching two subjects with her, her kids and her ex. Either time I approached these subjects no matter how nice I was she would get very angry with me and tell me I could leave. So I did. Over the last year we were together, although there were many great times, there were also many difficult ones too. Her kids behaviors were getting worse and I also noticed she was hanging around her ex a lot and talking to him regularly. Her ex even took his kids on a short vacation out of town yet he could not take them on his scheduled days? Instead he would come over ot her place and see his kids for a few hours here and there when I was not there. This made me uncomfortable although I tried to be understanding because they were coparenting. I did feel more and more like she had little time for a relationship and only time for her kids. When I brought this up again it was met with anger. However I did not want to marry a woman who was hanging around her ex constantly or being over at our house when I was not home. It is not a trust issue, I trusted her, it just felt invasive like it was a three way marriage with a lack of respect for the marriage. It was also confusing because of all the bad stuff I had heard her mother and herself say about her ex i the beginning all of a sudden he is this guy she is friends with and hanigng around. She also began to devalue me around this time. Nothing I could do was right. I helped her with her kids whenever I could but I was always doing something wrong and she would increasingly have a short fuse with me. Her kids began to talk about me negatively when I was not around and turned on me. I was always nice to them so never understood why. I would do little things for her and at first she was appreciative but towards the end she mocked me and would say things when she was angry with me like "Oh you're doing me such a big favor by watching the kids for a few hours and buying me a few groceries every now and then" sarcastically. She was never like this at the beginning of our relationship. The final straw came when I found out via her kids that she had spent a fourth of july celebration with her ex and her kids without mentioning it to me. I will say this for the record. I am not a possesive guy. If she was doing it for the kids that was fine. However her not mentioning it to me hurt and I felt she was hiding it on purpose. He also had been hanging out at her house a lot spending time with her son. I asked her calmly and nicely why she had not mentioned this to me and she blew up in a fit of anger and told me to leave. She also made it known that he was a good dad and their father and they are coparenting together and if I didn't like it I could leave. So I did. We hadn't spoken in weeks then I got a text from her saying she missed me a lot and wanted to work on things. I was open to doing so but told her we had to change some things and her anger was not acceptable and neither was her kicking me out of her house. She told me she loved me but it was time to move on then I never heard from her after that. Fast forward to a couple of months later and she is now in another serious relationship however this time with an artist guy who lives out of state. It is long distance but have a feeling he will move to be with her. I was very hurt by this because not only do I miss her and her kids and our hopes of a future together but I also feel I invested several years on her and her kids for nothing and I was just tossed aside like a piece of trash for not doing things "right". I was also told by her and her mother that I was "not meant to be a full time dad"(the exact thing I heard her mother and herself say about her ex when I first met her) even though I was good with her kids I wasn't good enough to do it full time. I would always try my best to help her as much as I could while working full time. I would pick her kids up from school on my days off, babysit and spend time with her kids whenever I could but if I couldn't do it she would let me know I was replacable without words then send very friendly smiley texts to her former father in law or ex to come and watch them and they always would. This was disheartening. My question is what is everyone's take on this situation and what did I do wrong? Please be honest. And how can she move on so quickly with a guy who doesn't even live anywhere near her? How does she know he's going to be a "good full time dad?" I am very hurt by everything and just trying pick up the pieces at this point. I am not sure what I did worng.