New here, a little about me
Hi everyone. New to this forum but not being a step-parent or dealing with they psycho bio mom.
Where do I start?
First, I've known my husband since we were in high school. When he met PFP (Princess Fancy Pants - aka egg donor) I hated her. She was phoney, crass and NOT a nice person. But, he fell in love with her...I don't get it either...and he didn't get my choice in husbands either..hahah. Well, we always stayed in touch and PFP and I NEVER got along. I was there when SS was born and I was the one who would be on the floor playing with him while she was out with her "friends".
Anyway, to make an already long story shorter, both our marriages fell apart about the same time. His before mine, but she was already seeing someone anyway.
So fast forward a few years and DH and I are getting married. PFP starts to dictate what goes on in my house...what his room should look like, what I should feed him, etc. Meanwhile, she married her bottomless checkbook and now has "more money than God." (A direct quote no lie...)
I was being more of a mother to him than his own. I diagnosed his reading problem. I took him to his FIRST circus when he was 8. I got him his 1st library card at 10. He saw his first baseball game with us, his first hockey game and his first basketball game. He'd never gone camping til we took him and he'd never fished til I showed him how.
This is when all the trouble begins. This new found money has made her ugliness even uglier and she uses it and her attorney to bully us. She PROMISED DH she would never take SS out of state (Back to Oklahoma where checkbook lives) until after he graduated high school. Guess where he lives now? DH will NOT stand up to her because every time he fights her on anything, she takes SS away.
When I was pregnant with our daughter, PFP's checkbook harassed us over medical bills to the tune of $3000 over the span of 3 years that she FINALLY got together and submitted...right before Christmas. I'm 5 months pregnant. Her checkbook calls me and starts reaming me over the phone. CLICK...
A week later, we get a summons in the mail. Demanding an increase in child support and the money for the bills...all but $150 were over a year old. The stress put me in the hospital and endangered our unborn daughter.
Fast-forward a couple of years. My DD is now 3 years old. SS did something that PFP found out about. He was at our house. She came over and pulled SS aside and ripped him for 10 minutes in front of our neighbors, my mom, and DD. This terrorized my DD to the point she had nightmares and whenever she saw PFP in the future would run from her, scared!
Now SS is 14. He still is with us every other weekend and a good chunk of the summer. Not because that's what the decree says, but because she's too busy jetting around the globe and not taking him with! While with us, he was expected to do chores. Even his 4 year old sister had chores. It's part of being a family and living in the same house. Since it was summer, he didn't think he had to do anything except watch MTV all day. (He can't play video games because of seizure issues) We were starting to paint our kitchen. We'd asked him if he could just wash the trim so it could dry and when we got home, we'd tape and start painting. He didn't do it. Said his MOTHER told him he didn't have to do anything.
DH and him got into it and he called his mother. He wasn't allowed back at our house, allowed to talk to us and 3 months later, was moved to Oklahoma. Sadly, DH, defeated, not listening to me, let him go. However, I DID get him to demand visitation time and that SHE was responsible for the cost of transportation.
So, here we are present day and it's summer. Once again, the fight has started. NOW DH has grown balls, NOW he fights her, but it's too late. SS is 17 and is capable of making his own decision. She's poisoned him and he feels we are beneath him. He gets more in a week for allowance than I make at a job. Sad? Yup.
So, my fellow step parents, my advice is this. Don't let your husbands parent by guilt. They STILL have to be a parent. My husband has lost his son and my daughter, her brother. It breaks my heart, but the damage has been done and it can't be reversed. Father's need to defend their rights from the VERY beginning.
There is SO much more to my story. So many OTHER things that I might share in the appropriate moment, but after 7 years of marriage and over 17 of watching this woman work. I know it's over. All I can do is just protect my daughter from the viciousness of this woman and her bullying.
That's my story. Or part of it anyway.
Glad to be here. Wish I had this many years ago.