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New Baby, New Marriage, Hated By Many

dee23's picture

Hi everyone...

I'm back! Our baby girl was born slightly over 2 weeks ago. She's healthy and happy...and so are we!!

Despite the joy of our new baby, I've been dealing with some really stressful issues involving step parenting and being a good wife.

During the first half of the summer I cared for my step children while my husband was at work. The 2 youngest live with BM and the oldest, with us. The BM and grandmother have been saying nasty things about me to the 2 little ones to make them feel like they cant be themselves around me - feeling like they have to choose. This bothers me because it stems from the fact they BM is jealous that my husband never married her even tho they had 3 kids together. (Maybe 2 since paternity of the youngest is questionable). I'm also feeling upset and threatened because they're asking my oldest step son (who lives with us) about MY new daughter and MY husband. I feel like its really odd that they want to know about my newborn considering that they hate me so much. What pisses me off the most is that my husband wont say anything to them. I feel like they shouldn't ask about our daughter since they have such hostile feelings towards me. Because my husband doesnt say anything to them I feel like hes more afraid of confrontation than about my feelings - and I don't know how to deal with his answer to it all, " just ignore it."

DaizyDuke's picture

Just recently been through the same thing.. I have a 7 month old and 2 SKids (11 and 12) who have BM's and families that I hate!!! But your husband is right... just ignore it! Enjoy your new baby and don't let the drama that BM and family are trying to create ruin what should be the happiest time of your life! I was very "protective" so to speak when our son was born about BM's not seeing him, knowing anything about him etc... I had a bug up my ass that it was none of thier businesses (which is true) but I let it get a little out of control for a bit and now I look back and think I might have been overreacting. I think people are just inherently nosey or maybe BM and her family are asking questions because your Skids are bringing it up... like perhaps Skids say.. "oh little sis is so cute!" BM says "Really what color are her eyes?" Don't let those horrible hormones take over! haha

When I came home from the hospital I said.. what a cruel joke for God to play... give you a newborn baby to take care of and then throw all those stupid hormones in the mix!

At any rate, good luck and enjoy every moment with your new daughter... trust me.. it will go soooo fast!!!

Rags's picture

I agree with BF and DD,

Follow your DH's advice and quit worrying about it. You can't fix their (BM's)infatuation and disdain for you nor their questions about your child.

Focus on your family and let them wallow in their self induced drama.

Congrats on the new family member.

Best regards,

SusiQ's picture

We are pretty much estranged from DH's family but they are all in contact with the skids and BM who we rarely see. When DS was born, it really bugged me that my SS wanted pics of him and DS which I knew would make it back to DH's family somehow. It just drove me insane.
Back in November of 2009, my DH had some major health issues and asked me to call his mom if they had to put in a stint. Well they did and yes I called her. DS was just over 2yo at the time and she'd never seen him, never called about him - nothing. So I had to play nice with her since we were in a hospital and DH didn't really need the added stress. But I realized that as much friction as there is between SS & I, he knew how I felt about her and he never shared pics with her of our DS. She'd never even seen a picture. Now I'm sure that SD & BM saw them and I was really able to let that go because to me it showed BM that DH had moved on.

Now our next LO is due in 2 weeks and MIL showed her true colors the day DH was released from this hospital so I only had to see her that one time. So she'll never see this one either.
BM on the other hand I know has told the skids that they've been replaced since we will now have a boy and a girl. I feel bad for my skids but we haven't been a part of their lives for a long time thanks to PAS so there is nothing I can do about.

So I agree - just ignore and enjoy this time - you can't get it back!

pat's picture

Your H needs to step up to the plate and defend you. He is your other half. Congrads on your new baby and wish you the best. He really needs to put himself in your shoes. You would protect him from any harm , right ? So, why does he let things just harm you ? You don't need the stress , especially now . It should be a happy time in both your lives !

dee23's picture

I tell ya..you guys are awesome. Really. I feel so much better when I get friendly advice/suggestions. At times things seem so overwhelming; Especially just after having a baby.

I actually felt threatened when the "Ex and her family" was asking my Step son about his dad and OUR new baby. I always knew that they hated me and the idea of me and my husband being together. It really chapped their asses when they found out how serious he was with me and what it meant to the Ex. It meant that she could no longer "ride the fence" between him(my husband/her ex)and her boyfriend at the time (who is now her soon to be ex husband...HA HAA HAA!!!) She couldn't believe that after all the strenuous work of hustling lying and manipulating him, and having 3 kids by him,that he would never marry her, but married me- and ended up having the baby girl she always wanted to have with him. HA ! He Married ME and I had his FIRST BABY GIRL!!! MUUA-HAA - HAAA!!!! }:)

..Sorry, had a moment of evil laughter there....

I still think it's SICK that she's still hung up on us being together after 5 years... after all this time...and even tho shes married to someone else and has 2 new little girls with him!

I guess maybe I should just look at her as pathetic and remind myself every time that I'm the one living the better happier life, and shes the one who's miserable.

Hey I feel better already!