Need to vent..ugh
So I'm definitely new to this site! Thankful I found it. I posted a couple weeks ago asking what everyone does when their SKids were around. My FDH has 2 children, a soon to be SD6 and SS4. I'm currently 4 months pregnant so leaving is not an option. We get the kids EOW and one night during the week. Which is more like 2 full days because they don't leave until 8pm the second day, but I digress. Lately, I don't know if it's hormones or just my pure hatred of this, but I just cry when the kids are coming over. Luckily soon we are moving further away from his kids to be near my parents so they can help with my baby. ( }:) ) When we move, they will only be EOW. But until then, I can't stand when they are around.I dread when they come over because I feel like it's going to be all about them for the next couple of days. All about keeping them happy. SD6 has lately been hanging all over FDH whenever she is here. She constantly runs into our bedroom and lays on the bed while he and I are talking, and tries to cuddle with him. If he kisses me, she gets mad and says "I heard that" and then will come running over for affection. Back off! FDH feels the need to constantly entertain them. He says he feels sorry that he can't see them a lot. I understand, however at their ages, I was more than happy playing outside or by myself in my room. I never looked to my parents for entertainment. They never clean up after themselves. They are pretty much helpless. I have to say, they are respectful of me, because FDH would whoop their butts if they weren't. However, they're still young. SS4 I'm pretty sure has some ADHD going on. He's not a smart kid, and refuses to listen. I try to leave as much as possible when they are here, because I can't stand pretending to be nice around them. I come home at night when I hope they are in bed, and I just cry because it's too stressful right now. I actually have debated on getting a different job that has opposite weekends than FDH just so I can work when his kids are there.
When we move into our new place in October, what rules do you suggest I put into place? Currently I feel where we are living is FDH's domain, but there will definitely be some rules at the new apartment. Is there anything that you wish you had put your foot down immediately on? So far, I told FDH that they are NOT allowed in our bedroom, they are not allowed to come in and wake us up in the morning, and if they don't clean their room, or their toys from the family room, then I will throw their stuff out. They like to get their grimy hands all over my iPad. That was nipped right away, and I told him if they break it, he better be going out to buy me a new one right away. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want them touching my stuff at all. I told FDH I want no part in watching them if he is not here (unless he's running a quick errand or something). It is my belief that if he can't be here when they're here, they need to be with their BM. What would he do if I weren't around? Anything else I should add?? And is it out of line for me to tell him I don't want his kids over for the first couple weeks when our baby is born? I know I'll be a nutcase as it is, I don't want to have to worry about them being there too.
And if you know of any sober ways of coping, let me know! I have to spend the weekend with the kids AND his parents. Clearly I can't drink or pop a Klonopin to zone! 
Kidding. Not.
u have got a long way to
u have got a long way to go...boy do i remember those days where we had to schedule our lives according my SD....now she only comes when its been awhile and she's got to sniff and then go report everything to the mother....even at a tender age she used to do that...and that was what i hated the most...besides that i didnt mind her coming over ...i loved doing stuff with her...and i loved the fact that she would sit between me and her dad...but things changed and she got older and she became more and more like her mother..oooff...good luck sweetie...there will be times that u wont want them to come over when the baby will be born...just say that the baby is sick and that u dont want the kids to get sick...and ur hubby should tell BM that if the skids are sick that he wont be able to pick them up cause of the baby...good luck...xx
Kids in these days are so
Kids in these days are so different to how we grew up.There is such a child focus nowadays, it is all about them and the adult relationships appear to be less important.And especially in step families that tips the whole balance - greedy , dependent brats are created by clueless Disney dads and often depressed step moms who can't find their place in what is supposed to be their" new family" since those kids are used to run the show and have all rights in the world.Often there is no emotional space for the step parent and it is all about the kids and how the guilty parent cares about them.
What you describe sounds exhausting but not very unusual for kids that age if they don't know rules and respect.Of course to a disney dad rules and respect represent bad parenting since it could hurt the emotions of the kids if treated a bit stricter.
You are right to think that being in the new house will change things and rules, since being in his house would be much harder.I think the first step would be though to educate yourself about stepfamilys, reading books , eg Stepmonster, and share this knowledge with your husband.If he doesn't get it , he may will get protective and defensive if you want to change things.If he doesn't want to get it, you have potentially a problem.
In regards of rules, it would be ideal to sit down with your Husband before you move and write those rules down.If you both pull a string, the kids will follow.
I think to expect BM to look after the children after the baby is born for a few weeks is not necessary the right thing.As nice it would be- the fact that you and your husband have a baby has nothing to do with her or her life, it is your business and if they are care days that are his, he needs to find a good babysitter (grandmother?)to ensure you have some days off unless he offers a fair swop to BM for another week.BM is not responsible to take on your husbands care days, so if she does, you are lucky, if not , you can't expect her to.
The same applies to illnesses- unless there are some serious issues like a immune desease, BM is also NOT rsponsible to keep the kids at home if they are sick because you have a baby.They are the half siblings after all and dad is same responsible for them on good and bad days.(Though I would personally keep my kids at home if they dont feel well)
Your baby is yours and your husbands business, not BM's , I am afraid.
I cant stand my BF's S10!!!
I cant stand my BF's S10!!! He is one of those loyal to mommy, lie to my BF's face kinda kids....SOOOO next year when my BF and I get married and move in together we already talked about it and I told him his son is NOT allowed in our house, when he has him EOWE he can stay with BF's parents and my BF can spend time with him there (his parents are buying a duplex or 2-fam house so we will get the other side) I told him I am NOT having his kid tell his money hungry mother what is going on in OUR house and playing spies like us and reporting our private lives and business to her when we know NOTHING about what she does etc!!!! He totaly agreed with me on that!!! Thank God!!! And we also talked about if he is NOT going to be around then his son will not be around either, if he cant take care of HIS kid and watch him, spend time with him etc then his kid doesnt need to be here!!! PERIOD!!!
All that you mentioned that you want out of your FDH is all fair and reasonable. They are NOT YOUR KIDS THEY ARE HIS AND BM's!!! They made these children and THEY are 100% responsible for EVERYTHING concerning them!!! NOT YOU...NOT NOW OR EVER!!!
i feel for you and understand
i feel for you and understand but do NOT work on skid weekend your if skids are there after baby is born you will worry yourself sick wondering what is happening at home and if skids are changing diapers feeding the baby ect. you will want to be there to take care of your baby.