Need some serious advice please!
Hi there well my BS lives with me and my DH all year round. My Bs goes and sees his BF every summer for about 6 weeks. Well a few weeks backs I heard some, not so pleasant things about the BF. Most of it can not be proven, however there are a few things that can. He basically got into a fight with his fiancee and she stabbed him. Very light scratches no arrests were made, but still WTF! I have heard they are both on drugs again and the girlfriend was fired from her job for stealing. Her being fired is true, but I can't prove they are back on drugs. I just don't feel like I should send my son down there. I know he has some really great family down there that would take care of him and make sure he is safe.. I just don't feel comfortable with it! What would you do? I know my son misses them so much and he is a teenager now. I just dont know whats right. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!
Contact someone in the family
Contact someone in the family down there and express your concern and ask if they will keep a eye on things and take your son in if things get out of control at his dads.
Thanks for responding, I have
Thanks for responding, I have and they assure me there is nothing to worry about. I however know there are a few enablers down there and I can't tell who is telling me the truth or just protecting his butt!
Thanks, Echo! I have thought
Thanks, Echo! I have thought about doing that but I am not sure how to go about it. WE have no agreements because we were never married and I had our son when I was 19. I have no worries about a drug test. I drink every now and then, thats it. I feel he would fail miserably! So do I just go to the family courts tomorrow and ask for an actual arrangement? Sorry I have just never had to deal with this.
Go to court and file for sole
Go to court and file for sole custody. the sooner the better. Send the ex a certified letter (like Echo said) and inform him your son will not be going due to safety concerns.
The ex can't actually do anything other than take you to court, but there's no agreement, so I doubt it would go down that way.
Your son will understand eventually that you are just looking out for him. If his dad can clean up his act, he can see him. But he's at an age where you do NOT want to expose him to drugs/alcohol/etc unnecessarily (not to mention how much worse it is with an "authority" figure condoning it).
I would consider this,
I would consider this, however I feel if I can stop it before it came to this it would be better. I really dont want to traumatize my kid with a bunch of police and DCF. I would rather call them now while he is with his other two kids.. Is that wrong? UGGGGHHH Im so confused right now
Put your child's health and
Put your child's health and well being first. You said he is a teenager, very influential age. Not really a good idea to use him as a pawn. Take your ex to court and get a custody agreement ASAP. I also wouldn't put my child in any situation that is not healthy and safe. Gf stabbing dad and drug use fits that bill pretty closely.
I would absolutely not be
I would absolutely not be sending my son down there under the circumstances. Your gut is telling you something, listen to it. Keep your son at home and sort it out before he goes anywhere. He is a teenager and may be easily influenced. There is no way I'd be sending my son into that, not way at all. As far as letting your son go down there and then ringing child services, a lot of damage could be done before they get around to attending the home. Keep him home and sort it out first. I am sure your son will understand.