In need of some advice to help with my wife which is a step mom.
I do not understand all the difficulties that are involved with being a step parent. But, my wife is experiencing all of these. So, I would like to ask some advice on some things to be able to help her. We have been together for almost 2 years and we got married a few months ago. Since then, we purchased a house together, so there are a few stressors in her life. Now, we are getting used it living under the same roof. More complex issues have arose.
Fears from my wife:
1) She is worried that she can never provide any 1st’s for me. I’ve already had a kid, I’ve been married, I’ve had the “first” Father’s Day, etc. Even though we purchased a home together which was a first for me, that’s all she feels she will be able to provide. She feels as if she has sacrificed a lot of monumental firsts when marrying me. Even though I told her that I will cherish every first her and I have if we conceive, I believe she is still worried that she will never get those moments. What can I do in this situation?
2) I get my son every other week, so, he (7 years old) has not opened up to her. He is wonderful around her family, but for some reason he is holding back with her. This is making her feel not needed and it’s stressing her out to think that he doesn’t want her. If he gets hurt or needs me, he would prefer for me to be the one to attend to him rather than her. I want to prevent her from getting to the point of giving up. What can I do to help establish a bond between the two?
3) She is worried that if we have our own child, then my son will not accept it well. She is a afraid it’s going to cause more of a resentment towards her. She claims that kids with step siblings don’t really accept them as part of the family. I need to find a way to help her with this.
I know now it is overwhelming to her, but I also know she isn’t the only one going through this. Please shed any advice you may have on these topics. I want to make sure her and I can live a happy life full of firsts, more children, and a lovely family home.