Need Opinions Please!
About a year ago I posted about this conundrum, but I have deleted a lot of my old blogs so I'll quickly recap:
My DD17 had a friend whom she was very close to from 2nd grade on. About a year ago, it came to light that friend had a major crush on my SS, and they started dating. My DD17 and SS (now 19) don't really get along and never have; however DD17 said it wasn't her business who friend dated, because as DD17 put it, "There should only be 2 people in a relationship anyways, not 3." However, we quickly realized that friend was always wanting to come over to "see" DD17, but really only wanted to hang out with SS. DD17 started feeling pretty used, and would suggest alternative arrangements like going to the mall, a movie, going to friend's house instead... this apparently only served to piss of friend.
As a mom, this broke my heart, because I saw my DD17 losing her best friend. And... the fact that all those years living in a difficult step family, DD17 had shared a lot of "secret" with friend, who then felt the need to tell SS (and BM!!!!!). Yeah, it wasn't pretty.
Rather quickly, friend told DD17 they couldn't be friends anymore unless DD17 was willing to love and respect SS (who doesn't give any of us the time of day). So, friendship ended.
Six months passed, and friend and DD17 didn't speak. Then out of the blue, friend called DD17 inviting her to friend's birthday party. DD17 thanked her but declined, resulting in a shitstorm of phone calls and text messages from friend berating DD17, calling *ME* a nasty bitch for putting DD17 up to this (I had no idea about DD17 being invited to the party), and it was all *MY* fault that friend wasn't able to spend time with SS on the weekends because he was here visiting his dad. Now, what I had said about that was friend was no longer going to spend the night here with DD17 if SS was here - not that she was never welcome here. DD17 was so upset about the whole text war that she showed me, then showed DH (text war included comments from friend about how she told SS and BM things my DD17 had shared in confidence with her since they were 8 years old - not just about stepfamily life, but lots of other personal things too).
I was really pissed. DH was so pissed he called SS and told him to tell friend to cease and desist with her nonsense. Then friend got BM involved, which just added fuel to the fire. Urgh....
We didn't see nor hear anything more about friend, except that SS was still dating her (and my other SS and his girlfriend couldn't stand to be around her).
Last week SS's stopped by, and guess who gets out of the car.... friend.. much to our surprise. She walks in and immediately asks me where DD17 is, she wanted to talk to her. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea. Friend went thru the house looking for DD17 (who had no idea friend was here). When DD17 saw friend, DD17 went in her room and closed her door. Friend came back to the living room and cried on SS that she was angry that DD17 wouldn't speak to her.
It was uncomfortable. REALLY uncomfortable. DH and I talked about it, and we are at an impasse. How do we handle this? I don't want friend over here - she's become a drama queen, and obviously my DD17 doesn't want anything to do with her. I see this as my DD17's "safe place" - she shouldn't have to worry about friend hanging out here on the weekends with SS. DH disagrees, and says that he can't tell SS he can't bring friend over here, because what if they get married some day?
And I hate to say this, because I really am trying to be open-minded, but this particular SS has done nothing nice since the day I met him. He is the one who 9 years later refuses to acknowledge me, and after all this time will STILL compare anything I do, or anything in this house to BM just to try to get a reaction out of me. He was also the one who told DH he didn't want us (meaning me, DD17 and BS14) living with DH, and hated us. He intentionally will snub DH at every turn, yet expect DH to come running when SS needs something(I know, that's DH's problem, but it pisses me off). So quite honestly, I see this whole thing playing out as a jab at me and mine -- because he knows his dad won't tell him to not bring friend over, and he delights in making us all uncomfortable in our own home.
Am I being too dramatic? Am I wrong to NOT want friend here?