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NEED ADVICE ON CUSTODY SETTLEMENT

CrystalRE's picture

Okay...I have two step daughters ages 9 and 5. Since their father and I have been married we have been in a custody battle with BM. We took BM back to court for custody of the children because she met another man and got pregnant (2nd man/2nd child since marraige to my husband). She moved an hour from us with the new BF and wanted the children to switch schools. We did not agree to that as it would mean that the kids would either have to live with her or we would have to drive them becasue we have a "week on/week off" parenting agreement. She has been ordered to drive them the hour to school on her weeks until court since she moved).

So BM's lawyer calls a few weeks ago and wants to settle. This is the settlement that they proposed:

BM gets the kids Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday except for one weekend a month when we will get them Friday night, Saturday and return them on Sunday. We will have the kids Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She will continue to drive the kids the hour to school on the school days that she has them.

My question to you wise folks is "Do you see any problems with this arrangement?" I see many problems but I feel that I am being bias and was looking for an "outsiders" opinion. My husband and I are at a stalemate as we both see different positives and negatives with the arrangement. Im hoping that your opinions will give me some new insight. Thanks in advance.

bellacita's picture

u are actually getting LESS time this way, so why would u settle?

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

CrystalRE's picture

If you write it out on a calander it is the same "overnights" per year. I agree that there is less "parenting time" for us this way becasue the majority of the time the kids spend with us they will be at school. My husband reasons that the kids will get to stay in the same school, have same friends, sports, etc. which maximizes stability for them in every way but where she chooses to have them live. Plus this way and we wont have to take the chance of her getting full custody if we go to court. We do not agree...that is why this is so difficult. She will not agree to stick with week on/week off because she doesnt want to drive the kids an hour to school every day they are with her.

bellacita's picture

or try to counter settle. did she get ur approval to move, or does she have sole custody? if u have joint, i didnt think she could move to a new school district w/o ur DHs approval. do u have a lawyer? i just dont think its a good idea to get less time w them. im not sure what a judge would order...maybe he woudl even order u to get custody so they can stay at the same school if BM is unwilling to drive?? so i would see what ur options are and definitely do not settle. counter it.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

CrystalRE's picture

Yes, we do have a lawyer. She moved the kids and notified us after they had moved so we hired a lawyer and started the custody action. They have joint custody but that has never really mattered to her. She does what she wants and notifies my husband once it is done.

bellacita's picture

she cant do that. shes clearly in violation of the custody agreement and so i wouldnt be surprised if the judge granted DH full custody and EOW visitation to her.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin