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silver ring's picture

Good evening, everyone,

I hope everybody is doing well.

I need some advice regarding my stepson.As I have posted before...He is 6 years old and lives with my husband and myself full time. He was abandoned by his biological mother when he was 2 years old, but after about 2 years, she decided that she wanted to come back so the child will not forget about her and still see her as his mother. She sees him whenever it is convenient for her. She saw him last week for 2 days. She lives out of state. Every time, he comes back after visiting with her or spending time with her, he acts like a 2 year old toddler. He pees and poops in his pants, can't focus in school, talks back, is defiant.( He is in kindergarten).My husband had addressed this with her, but no results. She keeps treating him like he is a baby and allows like to do everything he wants.
We are not worried about his focus as he is growing. And if this lack of focus escalates, we will seek professional help.
What is our big worry is that he acts like he does not have any training as far as his toileting needs. Like I sad...he pees and poops in his pants like almost a week after seeing his biological mother.

For the mothers out there or any other people who have experience with 6 year old boys, what is your advice? What should we do?

Thank you in advance for your attention on this matter.

notagain2012's picture

It's very common for children of any age to regress. It can happen in stressful situations. It could be because she babys him a she needs to be needed, so she reinforces the infant behavior so SS "needs" her more. SS is learning to get her attn by acting this way.

A therapist and pediatrician would ne very helpful. And maybe supervised visits with BM, not overnight etc. The visits may actually be causing stress in SS.

My son did this at about 4, because dad re entered life with a new wife and baby after being gone for 2 yrs. I hate to say it, but it has been a HORRIBLE road and had I known, I would have done everything I could to stop it. We even tried to ease into visits, and 10 yrs later, he STILL has issues, and sees a gi specialist.

NancyL's picture

It appears that he is not handling the visits very well. Maybe they should be discontinued until he is older and can handle it. Every time she goes away he goes into his 2 year old behavior, which was the age when she left.

silver ring's picture

You are perfectly right, Nancy. He recreates that time over and over again.We will schedule an appointment with his doctor.

silver ring's picture

It is hard and sad at the same time. I am aware of the fact that you have to talk and repeat a lot with kids, especially very young ones, but this has gone too far. It is like he forgets everything he has been taught and goes to the potty training days.
And I know it causes stress on him, but she does not want to understand. My husband went to court and she has not shown up to any court dates stating physical abuse since the time my husband, the child and she lived together for like 5 months. The child was one year old at that time. She filed for restraining order in 3 different states and my husband wasted a lot of money on court.
She just wants to ease her guilt.

Step-Volgirl's picture

I agree with PPs about the supervised visitation and no overnights. I'd schedule a Dr. apt ASAP.

Is there a younger child at these visits? When my friend had her baby, her 5 yr old started wanting bottles again.

Do the accidents happen at a certain time? or is it every time he has to go?