you stress and have anxiety over them, ever thought about therapy, talk to some one once a week to help you deal with skids, helped me allot to become fully disengage,

Also, remember they are not your responsibility, they are there to see their father, you can gracefully get away, go out and enjoy a movie on your own, find a hobby like photography you can do during their visits. Dh can handle his kids and prepare their dinners and check their homework, start seeing their visits as you mini holidays

Oh and if DH gets pissy cause you are disengage, laugh and say - Hon they are your children, they do not come here to see me, you are the parent, I'm not and I will not be the nanny..

A years after we got skids full time, I started having blurry vision and dizziness. It was high blood pressure and I had to go on meds. I was able to go off of them after the 2 SS' left.
Get to a doctor and get checked then go see a therapist. I had never felt I needed a therapist but after about 6 visits and getting on BP meds, I felt so much better.

OMG, I get that too, but it is like my neck and base of my skull. I already have high BP and am on meds for that but knowing SD is coming seems to be the trigger of this pain. She does give me anxiety. I guess I need to schedule some time with the therapist too!

I get it completely. The weeks the kids aren't with us we hardly fight. when this kids come back I get stressed out. How much do you do compared to your SO? I found when I was picking up more of the effort with childcare compared to my SO I stressed out and took it out on everyone. After talking to my SO about he understood and helped out more with things. I find time alone helps too. Sometimes Ill do some self care, relaxing baths, reading, time alone helped me a lot.

I understand you perfectly, but maybe you should not pay so much attention to this problem. Maybe you should treat it more simply and indifferently?
It seems to me that as soon as you let go of this situation, and don't dwell on it so much, everything will go away. Although, you can try another method that once helped me cope with stressful moments. Have you heard anything about chiropractic? In general, this is a new direction in medicine that eliminates physical pain. To prevent my emotional state, I periodically attend chiropractic sessions. It helps me, I have already forgotten about nervous breakdowns and even more so about their consequences in the form of physical pain. Once I got acquainted with this on https://www.larsonchiro.com/ . Maybe this will help you too..

The only way I am aware of is zero tolerance for behavioral crap from Skids, and zero tolerance for failed parenting from an SO.

ZERO.... TOLERANCE.

Stop emotionalizing and internalizing the stress and drama and go with total immediate confrontation of failures to comply with YOUR standards for Skid behavior in your home and YOUR standards for your SO to parent to in YOUR home.

Focus on the behaviors, confront the behaviors, and they will change.  Delivering a state of abject misery to those who fail to comply with established standards does a combination of two things. It forces compliance, or they leave. Either way, your neck and shoulders, and the state of bliss in your life will thank you.

Good luck.

Take care of you.

My whole body seizes up the moment she walks into the door. The first sound she makes... I think of tomorrow it is the day she comes and here I am reminding myself to put my shoulders down from my ear lobes. 

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