My wife and I were high school sweethearts, but broke up after going to pursue diff colleges. Throughout the yrs shes always made an effort to keep in touch. 2 yrs ago we decided to give it another go and have been married for a year. She's never been married, but has 5yr girl & 4yr boy (same deadbeat dad). I've never been married, my previous gf and i had 2 miscarriages and 1 stillborn within 6 yrs and our relationship was never the same after the first miscarriage.
Bio dad, is a complete loser and ex convict who showed little to no interest into his kids until I came into play. Now he "wants his family back" He only works "odd jobs" so he won't pay child support, but we don't care for it anyways. The kids never ask to call him or video chat, but seem excited when they do. SD says she has two daddy's, but she knows who her real father is. SS never calls me dad, but our bond is by far the strongest in the house. He listens respects me and hates to disappoint me. BTW we live 4 hrs away from bio dad, so he claims my wife is keeping the kids away from him. We try and visit twice a yr as my wife and I are originally from where he still lives, so our families still live there. Bio dad's mom is a complete ignorant loud mouth alcoholic thats always causing a scene whenever we do visit. Wanting to start arguments with my wife and I instead of spending time with her grandchildren. She's hinted I'm a paedophile b/c its "unusual to take interest in children when you don't have any of your own." Positive thing is bio dad tells his mother off for being rude. Him & I have a cordual relationship. My wife has asked him numerous times to just fallback and let me be there for them, but he "loves his kids" but never visits on his own. He still wants my wife & is just jealous she moved on while he was in jail. He had already left her by the time she found out she was pregnant with my SS.
SD is an entitled, coddled and whiny "princess" She already has shown interest in boys and my wife and I have both seen her checking out her body in the mirror and checking her back frame. I'm afraid she'll be a pregnant teen who will burden us with raising it. SD only calls me daddy when she wants something, its not natural and my wife even notices it. Whenever i tell her no, she whines essesively and calls me a meanie. The root of the problem is that shes seeking that attention she used to get b4 I arrived. Although she wanted a male figure, she noticed she couldn't be around her mom all the time. She's also very conniving. She came in sobbing saying "no one likes her and doesn't wanna play with her" My wife told her she needs to stop being mean and share toys. While comforting her, she blurted out that I "called her ugly & fat".... WHAT!!!! WOW!!!! My wife didn't believe her she was punished for lying. That type of behavior scares me. As her minds develop who knows what lies she'll think of (Allah her grandmother)
Also there's the co-sleeping issue. Skids have slept with my wife since birth, but b4 I moved in she started making them sleep in their own rooms. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT my SD asks to sleep in our bed and we say no. Around 2 or 3am she bangs and cries for her mommy at the door until we answer. She whines when we take her back into her room and knocks on the door at least on 2 more occasions. We ask her what's wrong and she says things like "my face is cold" "I see something" "my brothers asleep" (they share a room) "can I take my socks off" She just wants her mom to baby her. Her brother sleeps soundly the entire night and never asks to sleep with us. She always wants her mom to herself. If her little bro cuddled with mom, she'll try to budge in and say in a baby voice "this is my mommy, my mommy." When she sees us show affection, she has a slight mug and then tries to get her attention somehow. She does listen to me when I give her instructions, but if I tell her general information about anything, she'll confirm with her mom like I'm lying.
My SD always whine when she doesn't get what she wants. My wife coddles her a lot afterwards, but has gotten better with that. My wife has her own "mommy issues" so she over compensates. My SD is always using this baby voice when she wants something. Instead of asking, she makes hand gestures and baby talk or just whines the word with "momma" in front of it. Ex: "momma thirsty" "momma hungry" and repeats. SO FRUSTRATING, but my wife does a good job telling her to stop acting like that, but she still does it a lot. But if we ignore her, she'll eventually just asks. We've spoken to her teachers & they say she is a very independent, smart little girl which I know. They don't experience issues with whining when told no. Which means, like I told my wife, SD only acts like a baby bcuz u hate seeing her cry, so u start to coddle.
About 5 months ago my wife's 12yr bro moved in b/c her drug addicted mother lost custody for the second time and no one would take him in. We reluctantly took him in bcuz he was molested at a foster house the last time my mother-in-law lost custody and the perv is now serving time. Hes not a bad kid, but has ADHD and has been going to therapy since a toddler. His condition has given him some development issues, so its as if we're raising three toddlers instead of two sometimes. His mother scrwed him up royally. All she fed him was junk food and sat him in a room with video games while she got high and he was content. His mouth are filled with caps and silver. He's very depressed and cries himself to sleep at night. Hes never had rules and chores b4, so he just thinks we're being mean. My mother-in-law was still taking showers with him & shared beds (YES AT TWELVE YRS OLD.) We talk to him and reiterate that we're family and we care, but he just wants to be home with mom, which is understandable. Honestly, my wife has been great and knows its difficult for me. My wife and I consistently communicate regarding the kids and are always on the same page when it comes to rules and discipline.
As for my SS, I love him as my own and we get along great. Any thoughts? Thanks