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The name game

staying calm's picture

An earlier post brought up an interesting conversation, that I will be dealing with when DH and I start our family. He is foreign, and names are a big deal. First and last. Obviously our children will have his last name, but he will not budge on first names either. He refuses to let it be anything other than a traditional name. Now aren't there normal names mixed in there? Well I've scoured name books, searching for a "normal" traditional name. Can't really find one...or the one's that do exist are aweful. Take your hand, and mash it down on the keyboard ---- what ever you get is probably in these books. So it got me thinking, even though he and SD don't have middle names, because it's not "traditional", my kids will have middle names. So I guess I can just call the child by the middle name. Is this what people do in situations like this? And how have you settled these debates?

StickAFork's picture

A nickname maybe?
Or he picks first name, you pick middle on one kid, and then switch for the second?

RedWingsFan's picture

My 1st husband and I wrote down 10 boy names and 10 girl names and compared lists. Whatever names appeared on both his and my list were the names we'd consider.

We didn't have your issue though. We were going for whatever names we liked, without any religious or traditional restrictions.

Luckily, my daughter's name appeared on both lists and voila! Easy peasy.

Good luck with that one. If you carry and give birth to a child, in my opinion, you should have equal say in that child's name.

PeanutandSons's picture

What nationality? Maybe we can help.

Can you find a traditional name with an americanized nickname?

Honestly, turn it back on him. Tell him you'll use a traditional name IF he can find one that YOU like.

You have more power here than he does, you are the patient when Hu give birth, the hospital listens to you

staying calm's picture

It's gotta be a bosinan name...Good luck! Boys name's are easier than girls, I've found a couple of those that are "ok" ..... any suggestions would be appreciated! Ana was the best I could find for a girl. He did say as long as I found one that was "traditional" I could choose the name.

NJStepmom's picture

No offense, but you will be carrying the child in your body for nine months, half the DNA is yours, and you are asking your husband for permission to name the baby? Doesn't the mother name the child at the hospital? Do you know that giving children the same last name as the husband, especially girls, creates issues later for their confidence? It also creates a sense of entitlement for boys when they grow up and marry. I say, if he insists on using his last name, you get to choose the first name, that is what is fair. You have a voice too. If he doesn't like it, then you can just enter the whole name on the birth certificate! And also, if he is foreign, then it was he who chose to come to our culture and our country. To insist that the entire name display only his culture is really, really self absorbed in my way of thinking. I am not meaning to be offensive. I am just stating that fair is fair.