My SD is unruly and my DH doesn’t understand

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My SD is 11. For starters she is loud, ghetto, ratchet, rude and just carries herself in such a unattractive manner. She is spoiled rotten. She comes over every weekend from F to Sun unless school is out then it’s the entire time school is out. Me and my DH have been together for a year now. I have a 12 yo son and a 14 yo daughter. When my SD comes over she has to be the center of attention or the world doesn’t circulate. DH hasn’t worked in 5 months so I’m carrying the bulk of everything. When my SD comes over she think she is supposed to get whatever she asks for and catch an attitude when it doesn’t happen. She criticized my daughters sleepover the entire time out of jealousy and my DH made excuses for her. Now her bday is coming up and she is saying all that she wants and bday ideas. I’m so tempted to tell her no. I feel bad because he created this monster and still nurturing it instead of putting her in her place. It’s as if he is scared to discipline her. She was in the room with my 14 yo and threw a soap bottle and broke the window. His reply to her was stop throwing things. She’s managed to break a tv a month later. Still my DH said nothing. My kids been in this house for 3 yrs and none of this has happened but now she’s here things are getting destroyed left and right. It’s been 4 months and the window is still broken because I told my DH he is going to pay to fix it and buy a new tv but he isn’t working so that’s a lost cause. She rules him. She talks to him however and she just doesn’t act the way an 11 yo little girl should. She asked if she could order take out, I told her to wait, she went and asked DH and he said yes. She never told him I told her to wait. She ordered something for my daughter, my son said he didn’t want anything. Then she complained about using her money to pay for my daughter. I told her to wait because I never make them use their own money to buy things like that but because she was being a fast A** she did. When she brought it up I told her that if she would have listened then it wouldn’t be a discussion. He sat there, and said nothing. A week later my SD brings it up again. At this point I’m pissed because he doesn’t correct her. My daughter began to feel a way because she constantly brought it up. When I express all of this to my DH he aye they’re sisters it’s going to happen. He always finds a way to justify, cover up, pacify, or make excuses for her actions. Even when she talks recklessly he laughs it off. I’m finding myself to be the disciplinarian and I shouldn’t have to be. He doesn’t take charge. It’s like he’s a coward. Idk what to do. It’s starting to turn me off and when I started getting excited on days or weekend when she didn’t come over, I knew it had become a problem.

OMG

Honestly, I might be a vindictive piece of work, but I would find a way to make sure she knows she isn't welcome at your house. I wouldn't even attempt to be nice to the girl and I would be very blunt that no, she acts like a horrible child and bad kids don't get to have birthday presents. You shouldn't worry about her needs at all. That's a terrible attitude and if your husband isn't working...heck I hope he's trying to find a job? If he's not even trying to find something, that sounds like a situation you need to leave and fast.

You have your own children to think of and keep safe. I would seriously tell him that she needs to shape up or you will need to seperate for a time (or permanently). Do you have parents you can stay with? If this is your house and not his, then maybe you should ask him to go stay elsewhere with her.

This girl sounds violent and dangerous...if there is a way to start a record with the local authorities, I'd consider it. Her violent and destructive behavior is likely going to get worse with age and it's better to have it on record that she destroys property and the like. I think 'youth in crisis' can come into play when she's sixteen, but there has to be other options to protect yourself.

Mostly, this sounds like a terrible situation and I think you should figure out a way to get out of it, if even temporarily.

Your first responsibility is

Your first responsibility is to your kids, not DH and certainly not SD. Is this the environment you want to raise your kids in?

DH obviously has not put his marriage as his first priority, to make it strong and worth fighting for. If only one is doing all the work, it will fail. Stop working at it so hard. Put his 50% back on him. Stop paying for extras. Cut him off from your money. If he wants stuff then he has to get off his butt and find income. Parallel parent now, you do yours he does his.

Stop buying into the Brady Bunch fantasy. They had script writers that made sure they all got along.

Is the house yours, prior to your DH?

You seriously need to have a come to Jesus talk with your DH, or kick his ass out. He's a lazy parent and gaslighting you when he says "They're sisters it's going to happen", he just doesn't want to parent the little monster.

Put your foot down or up your DH's ass, new rules in the house. Write these rules out and ALL the kids have to follow them. These would be rules that your kids already follow, if SD11 doesn't follow the rules your DH needs to see her out of your home or move out permanently.

Also tell your DH, since you are the only one working it's your rules or out! If he can't parent the little monster, than she shouldn't be there.

My DAH retired last year and thought he could sit on his ass and do nothing. I work online 50 - 60 hours a week, when I finish working for the day, I was doing dishes before starting dinner, because lazy-ass DAH was making himself something to eat 4-6 times a day, leaving the mess for me to clean up. That lasted for a week, DAH got all the dirty dishes dumped into his recliner and told to clean up after himself, I am not his maid and he is not 2 years old.

Your are the sugar mama. So,

Your are the sugar mama. So, bare your idiot husband's ass, inform him that his child will not enter YOUR home, the home YOU provide, until he steps up and gets her nasty behavior under control. PERIOD!

11yo's do not get to be lippy without consequences. So, inform the dead beat husband that he either applies effective consequences for his ghetto daughter or you will and neither of them will like it if you have to do it.

Then do it.

I see the same issue with my

I see the same issue with my DH not saying or correcting SD much at all, but will quickly go off and correct our twin toddlers. I just don't understand why they don't see what they are doing is causing harm to their child and their marriage. I would literally disengage from SD. That's what I've done with mine. I refuse to try and discipline a child that's not mine when they person they belong to doesn't even care.

I have the same OSD, I will

I have the same OSD, I will tell you flat out I cannot even stand her presence.

Here is how I have dealth with her so far and SO.

I ripped SO a new one for allowing his daughter to be rude, obnoxious and disruptive in my house. I told him if he didn't start to handle it they would be having their visits elsewhere.

For OSD I call her right out on her behavior, I do not hold back, she is never nice about anything so I am not going to be and make myself feel uncomfortable in my own home. When she has come to dinner is wearing shorts pulled up her Hoo Ha with no underwear and her leg propped up on the chair. I tell her she needs to put her vagina away at the dinner table people are trying to eat. I will not take her out in public because of the way she dresses and acts and I tell both her and SO as much. If I wouldn't let my own dress or act like that why should I have to put up with someone else's kids doing it.

I don't care if she feels embarrassed because she should. I am glad it makes SO feel embarrassed because he should.

I also only give her one warning no further argument or discussion before I implement a consequence.

An example is she likes to monopolize the the bathroom and when I tell her to get out if she back talks me I have turned the hot water and power off to the bathroom.

I also absolutely refuse to buy OSD anything not even a peice of gum, nor will I take her anywhere. She asks for anything, my response is always go ask your father.

Since I am also the breadwinner this always works out in my favor. Because SO has to tell her no. Even when he does tell her yes, he is the one who has to be annoyed because she doesn't appreciate it, not me.

OSD hates being here and comes as little as possible. BM is currently homeless and OSD would rather sleep on a relatives couch than be here where she has her own room and comfort simply because their are rules and that's fine by me. Also no one here thinks her ratchet self is cute so we don't pay any attention to her.

After a year of SO being used and abused by OSD because I pushed her off on him he feels the same way. He finally lost it after constantly scraping together money to appease her and buy her love. Only for her to come here and demand more each time.

This last time it hasn't even been a month since he bought her over $300 in clothes he is still paying it off. First thing she did when she walked in the door was tell him she has nothing to wear. He completely lost it and told her he isn't buying her anything anymore. He is done. So she left 2 days later and hasn't been back.

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