My name is mommylove and I don't like children.
My name is mommylove and I don't like children.
No, I'm not kidding, but of course I love MY Children!
Where does this "confession" come from? Well, I have read several posts where people were relieved to find ST as the only place where it was "okay" to admit that they don't love their SCs like their own. I've also read a few posts where people admitted that they just might NOT be the "motherly" type. But what if you just don't like children in general or at least not all the time? Are you entitled to those feelings as well if your SO is aware of this?
Not everyone is a "kid-person". I love my nieces and nephews, but before I had my own children I was perfectly fine being the childless aunt that could come around ocassionally, spoil them and send them home with mommy and daddy. Kids made me uncomfortable. I enjoyed mature, intellectual conversation and was not a very good "teacher". I thought babies were really cute, but didn't want to change diapers. Sometimes I felt the urge to discipline children that I thought weren't well-behaved. I was a very selfish person who liked the freedom of coming and going as I pleased and doing what I wanted, when I wanted, including sleeping in and not having to answer to or take care of anyone else. I thought this was a pretty typical single childless person - or at least myself and others I knew, but this all changed when I had my own children.
When I had my own children, everything I did was about putting their needs first, including the people I dated and getting married and even trying to stay married now! Unfortunately my feelings about children only changed for MY children, and hasn't really changed my feelings about children in general. I think I am a great mother to my children, but I will probably NEVER be that mother whose home is open to and welcoming other people's children to be around - I'm just don't feel like the "nurturing" type outside of my own children. Funny thing is, H admitted to me pretty early on that he really didn't like children in general either outside of his own, so we both knew that this was something we agreed on in terms of what type of home-life we would have - definitely NOT a house full of other people's children all of the time!
Actually, I think it goes deeper than not liking children, my H & are really just not "people" people, so we also agreed that we would never be the ones hosting BBQs, dinners or get-togethers in our home - it's uncomfortable - like an invasion of space! My home is supposed to be my sanctuary - which is why it really throws me off when my space is invaded! My problem is that for me these feelings extend to my SD who does not live in my home, and although I know H feels the same way when my family comes to visit including my mom, that is only ocassionally versus eow! But of course I DON'T ever expect him to understand my feelings when SD is there - I know I would NOT if the situation were reversed, but I just can't help the way I feel...
Yep! Actually H credits my BS
Yep! Actually H credits my BS who was only 9mos old at the time with bringing us together, because I'd made it clear to H when I was single & childless that I didn't date men with children, but after I had my own child and the devil donor disappeared I was DESPERATE for my son to have a "Daddy", and it was just a coicidence that I reconnected with H at that time because we hadn't talked to each other in almost 2 years!
So YES, like I've said before, H KNEW EXACTLY what he was getting into when he got with me - I don't have a good poker face. On the other hand, I was the one who didn't know what I was getting into until we moved in together 3 months later (yes FAST I know) and discovered that he was a Disney Dad with his son and daughter just like my Dad had been with me and my sister. Great for kids - not so "awesome" for adults - even those same kids when they become adults!
Funny thing is, your post placed a sarcastic tone on the question "and you say you put your kids' needs first??", but you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT if you said it without the sarcasm. I started dating H BECAUSE I wanted my son to have a DAD, and I thought H was a good one, so in my book that is the definitely an example of putting my child's needs first! Otherwise why the heck else would I have put up with someone else's children?!
As for H, I suspect his motives were a bit more selfish - I was pretty HOT looking woman 5 years ago, and although I've gained a few here and there H says I still am!
Just wish me losing 10 pounds would cure all of our issues...
My whole family basically has
My whole family basically has the same philosophy in child-rearing; you express yourself (to the best of your ability, depending on age) by ASKING. A family is a DEMOCRACY, where kids have a "say", but ultimately, the PARENTS ARE IN CHARGE!! If mom or dad says NO, there is no WHINING, TANTRUMS, CARRYING ON, or there are CONSEQUENCES.
That's one reason I can't respond to some of the "young kid" step situations on here with the whining and the acting out. I could never tolerate such behavior; I'd be out the door in a NY second.
I'm with you Steperg, except I'm a cat person. My goal is to be one of those "cat ladies" in about 10 years!!
Cats don't hang all over you, they snuggle up to you then they go their merry way. They even bring you presents from time to time!! (I received a chipmonk this morning!! yeah!)
Hey there mommylove… I
Hey there mommylove…
I haven’t posted on this site in a while, read a lot… but haven’t felt the need to blog in a few weeks, but your topic and blunt honesty pulled me out of the bushes. I too have to stand up and admit that I’m really, I mean REALLY uncomfortable around children. The younger they are, the worse they seem. While most people look at newborns and turn into a gushy lump of goo-goo clay my first thought is always… “Yuck. That’s just nasty.” Babies are gorse smelling, drooling, screaming poop machines that you can’t reason with and tend to destroy everything they come in contact with. I’m breaking out in hives just thinking about it…
When I turned thirty my gynecologist finally conceded to letting me have my tubes tied… (cut burnt and stitched at the seems not to be too graphic! And a procedure which is pretty uncommon to grant to a healthy young woman with no children!) after about ten years of begging for the procedure. I was married to a man who couldn’t stand children even more than myself so I thought I’d ducked all possible bullets… *woo-hoo* on with my child free life!
And then divorce.
And then I fell MADLY in love with my current husband… who has two boys under the age of ten (six and two to be exact). While not yucky babies, the two year old still drools all over the place and needs diaper changes (and destroys everything he comes in contact with!!!!) and the six year old has a plethora of skin disorders and allergies ( I’ve seen things I never dreamt of come out of this kids nose and mouth!). Life is a daily struggle to overcome my biases and aggravations… but it’s also full of some pretty magical moments.
Kids can be pretty funny… at least once a day DH and I add to our “kids say the darndest things” file. And it’s teaching me to be completely selfless… any penny I make I think “what can I get the boys with this?”. My whole last year has been a crash course in parenting… we have pretty much full custody with only a few hours “break” every other weekend or so from BM, so it’s all kids… all the time!
Do I miss my carefree, childless, social butterfly life..?
*grinz* Some days…
But I wouldn’t change a thing as long as I can wake up next to that man of mine every morning.
Thanks for the vent guys… have a great day!
I'm not a kid person
I'm not a kid person either.
I had my tubes tied when I was 24 YO and I have no regrets. When I met my husband (over 18 years ago now) SD was 9. BM was the custodial parent, she lived in another state and SD would visit during the summer and on winter and spring breaks. No problem - in fact I enjoyed having her around. Although at that time - I still had my own condo. DH and I married, BM moved back to our state and visitation became EOW. It was a change but SD was young and I still enjoyed it until (as I've said in many posts) PAS and guilt parenting took their toll. Then it was hell and I couldn't stand to be around. I worked late, worked out and spent long weekends with my sister.
I simply prefer the company of adults. I don't care to babysit for friends and I can count the number of diapers that I have changed on 1 hand (and I not using all my fingers). Am I a bad person? No - just honest.
Mommylove, I have a brother in law like you. He loves his kids and would do anything for his family and his children. But it is easy to see that he has no patience for other children. That's just the way that he is. He knows it and he does try to temper himself around others' children or if they truly get on his nerves he leaves the room.
We're all different. None of us is perfect. And that is okay.
Sigh....okay, I will admit it
Sigh....okay, I will admit it - I'm not a kid person either; you can add my name to the 'No kids, no regrets' membership roster.
I never thought I wanted any,
I never thought I wanted any, and I'm 42 now, but I'd give my right arm to have full custody of the ExGF's kids and pop out one with her...
Every parent has times when
Every parent has times when they do not like children. Especially our own.
My mother told me more than once that "I love you but I sure don't like you very much right now" when I had my head up my ass as a kid/young adult.
My dad used to walk in to a room full of kids in our house and loudly proclaim "I HATE KIDS!"
They were and still are awesome parents and are incredible grandparents to not only their grandkids but all of the kids in their neighborhood.
The will occassionaly give me clarity on issues I may be causing and have no problem letting the wind out of my sails on a regular basis.
If you ask them the still "HATE KIDS".
We all hate kids at some time in our (S)parenting careers.
Best regards.
Wow. This was not the
Wow. This was not the response I expected at all from this post! I was just getting something off my chest (venting) and I felt so much better after doing it, but honestly I waited until now to check the responses because I needed to brace myself first!
I'm so glad that my confession gave others the opportunity to share their feelings as well, and thanks to those who did not agree for not posting just to bash me!
Yea, Rags you hit the nail on
Yea, Rags you hit the nail on the head...sometimes we don't like our own children. I don't like my bio daughter at times! She will be starting college in the fall and hopefully she will grow up alittle and realize that there are others in the world and it's not all about her! I have 3 bio kids and they are close in age. Although I love all three of them, even the daughter(!), I was never one to have a house full of kids either. Now that they are older it is much easier having their friends around and a heck of a lot more interesting to talk to them!
Huh? I think you might be
Huh? I think you might be confusing me with someone else.
Guess that's a woman's
Guess that's a woman's perogative - to change her mind? I will never love the skids like my own daughter, nor would my DH love my daughter like his sons. That's just the way it is. I would die for my daughter but not want a skinned knee on behalf of the skids. Remember though, I'm not their mother. And yes, I also hate when all their friends are over our house (14 year old pack of boys is quite noisy, destructive, and hungry). Whereas when my daughter had her friends over when I was a single parent, I'd ask them all to stay for dinner, overnight or have crafts lined up for them. They were all so sweet to me too. The boys on the other hand are rude, cuss, fight physically & break stuff during their innocent time together.